Additional contributions by MixMassBasher
Dear Spitfire,
Amazing superhero landing!
But isn't that rough on the knees?
Sincerely,
Scootapool
Dash, Dash
Dash of Equestria
20% cooler she
(AAAAAHHHHHHH) *CRASH!!!*
Watch out for that tree!
Dear Rainbow Crash Dash,
Look on the bright side. At least they aren't teasing about how you always dress in style.
Your friend,
Fluttershy
Dear Discord,
I need a favor. A certain old nickname suddenly reminded me of some ponies I despise. Mind throwing some of my old classmates into your sock puppet dimension?
Your friend,
Rainbow Danger Professionalism Crash Dash
Three pegasi were suddenly thrown into the sock puppet dimension.
"Where the fuck are we?" Dumb-Bell cried out.
Suddenly music was played....
~It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight
It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight
Dear Spitfire,
Worst Flyer gets clean up duty? WHY!?! I'm new at this Wonderbolts business.
Frustrated,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Rainbow Trash Dash,
It was either that or do what the Management of Rainbow Factory does.
Your commander,
Spitfire
Dear Rainbow Dash,
That was identity theft you fucking asshole!
Ticked off,
Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack and Pinkie Pie
Dear Pinkie Pie,
So, what did you do to that cotton candy vendor!?! I went to get a snack for myself and see the booth covered in lots and lots of pink stuff... The evidence seems to all points to you. WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!? You stay the hell away from me...
A frightened princess,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Rainbow Dash,
So what was Spitfire's nickname? Hm?
Was it Shitfire? Did she have the stomach flu when she flu flew in on her first day?
Or did she get her nickname later on? Was it Slutfire because she was a shoo-in for squad captain, but slept with the previous one anyway? Is she still putting out? Maybe she'd like to put on a private show for Ponyville's royalty.
Or was it something like 9/11 because she partied so hard upon getting promoted that she flew into headquarters?
-Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Rainbow Dash,
Don't worry about first impressions. I had that problem too with the Canterlot Guard. My nickname was Whining Armour cause I cry too much. Can you believe that?
Signed,
Prince Shining Armour
P.S. Tell Twily that, a few days ago, our niece was cursed by a pointy headed witch and attacked by a dark wizard with no nose. What's next? Queen Chrysalis?