Sparkle's No. 1 Assistant

by Wanderer D

Loyalty Mission 5: Derpy's Quest Pt.13

"So, Sunset Shimmer is going to be handling the pirate fleet by herself then?" Rainbow Dash asked when she noticed that Twilight had walked over to the cockpit. 

"That's what she said," the latter replied. "Sunset said she didn't want the dreadnaught destroyed if possible, but that since she didn't care what happened to the rest of them, she'd tear them to pieces."

"That sounds unlikely," EDI said, turning in her seat to regard both ponies. "The Tempest is an exploration vessel. It might be combat ready, but it is not designed to battle an entire fleet of pirates."

"That's what she said she'd do," Twilight repeated, shrugging. "And as long as Dinky is safe, I don't care if the Tempest needs to fly around the area while the whole fleet chases it. We'll still win if we cut off the head."

EDI simply turned her seat to face forward. "I am curious to see how the Pathfinder will accomplish this feat."

"So am I," Twilight admitted. "Are we ready to jump in?"

"Approaching…" EDI said. The universe around them seemed to unwrap, and suddenly they were in the middle of a warzone.

Twilight took an involuntary step back, and Rainbow Dash gasped as an ugly, patchwork spaceship nearby was destroyed by a passing, sleek, metallic ship of some sort. Large, metallic-dragon worms of some sort flew across space to wrap around smaller ships, while the pirates seemed to only be able to destroy one for every four of theirs that was destroyed.

"We have visual on the Tempest," EDI informed as the rest of the crew gathered at the cockpit entrance to stare in morbid horror at the battle outside. She blinked. "The Pathfinder seems to be transmitting a message to all ships in the area."

"Patch it through."

"...We drink your blood when the midnight sky is red…"

Twilight and the others listened to the music blasting on the speakers for a moment before Derpy stopped the audio by gently pressing one of the several holographic buttons on an interface screen nearby.

"Dinky did say that Sunset had come to this universe to conquer it and return to Equestria in blood, fire and glory." 

"She also said it was just a phase," EDI added, having been privy to the conversation. "It does not appeared to have passed."

Derpy hesitated. "I… find myself sometimes reconsidering whether Dinky is truly in good hooves or not."

"Well, all I know is that now I want her even more." 

Octavia smacked Twilight on the back of the head, an action that would have sent the whole of the upper crust of Canterlot nobility running for the hills.

"As an ally!" Twilight groaned.

"I know where your mind is," Octavia replied. "And I agree she'd be fun in bed, but you need to read the room, Twilight."

"How is what you're doing any better?" Vinyl asked from behind them.

"It isn't," EDI said, "I believe that's the joke."

Octavia grinned. "Finally, someone that understands my sense of humor."

"Commander, we have our objective in sight," EDI said, after nodding slightly to Octavia.

"Excellent. Gear up, everycreature!" Twilight called over her shoulder, then grinned as she took stock of the dreadnought they were approaching. "We're going in!"

The Normandy weaved through the battle seamlessly and, inside the cockpit, Rainbow Dash was holding herself back from interfering, merely studying the choices that EDI was making, as the AI had taken upon herself to illustrate all of her decisions on the screen.

"As you can see—thanks to the inertia dampeners in the Normandy—sudden stops with retro propulsors will not cause anycreature inside the ship to be injured," EDI explained. "During some of our worst fights against the Reapers it was necessary for the crew to secure themselves, as Jeff and I would be forced to pull extreme maneuvers that require much more energy reassignment to other essential systems. For a battle such as this, where the enemy is considerably less dangerous, we simply must avoid unnecessary risks without slowing down."

"Reminds me of that time that Cloudsdale almost flew over the Everfree Forest," Rainbow Dash joked, elbowing Derpy with a grin.

"Oh wow, it really does look like that!" Derpy gasped.

"You did what?!" Twilight asked, gaping at the two. "How come that didn't make international news?!"

Derpy and Rainbow Dash stood stock still. 

"Um… that was supposed to be a secret," Derpy confessed. "Please don't tell anypony. We all love our flying city."

"How in the name of Tartarus did you—"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Everypony knows that pegasi party hard."

"So you deflected attention to a potential catastrophe that could have destroyed an entire city and messed up the climate for the entire planet by blaming it on partying hard?! Not just you, but the entire pegasi population is in on it?"

Rainbow Dash rubbed her front leg self-consciously. "Uh… yeah?"

"Wrex."

"Sparkle."

"Take a note: when we're done with all of these shenanigans, we're partying in Cloudsdale."

"Commander, I suggest all of us that will infiltrate the Kett ship head over to the Kodiak. We will be within range of the Kett Dreadnaught soon."

"Alright, everycreature!" Twilight called out, "arm up and let's kick some batarian ass!" She glanced at Rainbow Dash. "You'll be okay here?"

Dash grinned. "Hay yeah! I've been itching to see how my flying translates to flying the Normandy in combat."

Twilight nodded, patting Rainbow Dash's shoulder with her hoof. "Have fun. And remember: a shot in time…"

The Kodiak was less formidable than the Normandy. Less formidable, and more cramped, even though ponies were not that big. Still, the short flight to the dreadnought, coming out of a flyby courtesy of the Normandy, went surprisingly smooth.

Perhaps it was because the rest of the pirate fleet was so engaged in battle, or perhaps it was because EDI was just that good a pilot, maybe it was the confusion about what Norwegian Reggaeton actually meant, what Norway was, why Reggaeton existed, whether it could be considered music at all in its natural state, and why it simply worked when mixed with heavy metal, and why Sunset was transmitting that… or perhaps it was just luck.

 Whatever the case might be, Twilight's team, plus one AI, were able to infiltrate the pirate's flagship without any issues, parking the Kodiak within one of the landing bays on the lower area of the Kett ship.

"The cyber security here is good, but outdated," EDI observed. "I get the impression that the Kett do not know how to operate their machinery outside of very superficial understanding."

"And these pirates haven't really had time to figure it out either," Wrex added, poking at a semi-loose vent with the butt of his rifle."

"So, now that we're here," Rarity said, "what exactly do you expect us to do, Twilight?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we have some training, but this is an alien warship." Rarity levitated one of her knives and tapped the flat end on Twilight's snout. "A few months ago, we were all civilians, and whenever we have gone into action, we've usually operated with absolute overpowering strength and shock value, since no one in Equestria would think the level of violence you embrace with such passion was possible."

"Wow, Rarity, I never thought you had so much respect for Tavi."

"No. That's not—"

"What she's trying to say," Vinyl interrupted, "is that we're not fighting woefully unprepared ponies, Twilight. Even bringing down the pony mafia was more realistic than this. I mean, just look at Derpy."

Twilight, EDI, and Wrex turned to contemplate the mare in question.

"So, she's trembling with anticipation—"

"She's frozen with fear!"

"Hm." Twilight sighed. "Alright girls, front and center!"

The other ponies glanced at each other 

Twilight started pacing in front of them, meeting their worried gazes with her own calm one. "I get it, it's scary, but it's not like we've never been in fights before. This time around we're in unfamiliar territory, with an unknown number of enemies that have similar technology to ours. These are not ponies, or griffons, or creatures from our world. I get it." She stopped and turned, facing them all, and pointed a hoof at Wrex. "But we've all been trained by the best warrior a species dedicated to war ever produced! We have EDI, who saw the Normandy and her crew through wars against enemies we can't even wrap our brains around!"

She turned to look at the door they had come through. "Outside, Sunset Shimmer, who used to be a pony, is fighting to keep Dinky alive and free." She glanced over her shoulder. "And I guess that yeah, she could probably do it alone, but are we really just going to let someone else solve our problems?"

She walked around the room to stand next to the door that would take them deeper into the dreadnought. "So what happens next time, when the Pathfinder is not around to rescue our sorry plots? What happens when we can't rely on the goodwill of the universe out there to fix our problems and instead of doing what we could, we turned around and waited for somepony else to fix them? What do we do when they don't come? What do we offer to this galaxy if we're only victims?" She shook her head. "I came all the way out here to rescue Dinky, and right now this is where we prove that we can—"

The door next to her opened and a salarian in patchwork armor stepped inside, pausing to stare at them stupidly when he realized they were there.

BOOM!

Before anyone could do anything but stare in return, the salarian was flung back by a shot straight from Derpy's shotgun.

"You talk too much, Twilight," Derpy growled. "I think you made your point."

Twilight grinned. "Hay yeah,"

"Hay yeah!" Rainbow Dash hooted, pulling the Normandy around several shots from incoming ships, and shooting two out of the five out of the sky with precision shots.

"I must admit, I did not expect you to be so proficient," EDI said, her holographic display flickering in what could almost be perceived as a blink.

"Are you kidding me?!" Rainbow Dash asked, her grin only growing as she allowed the forward momentum of the Normandy to push them as she angled it up and hit the acceleration for an almost violent pull that forced desperate ships to dodge as best they could while others simply crashed into each other. "This is just like flying on my own! Just… with controls, I guess, but I can feel the Normandy around me." She flexed her wings, and EDI noticed her accelerators reacted to that.

"It is odd. I do not feel like you are trying to take my place, yet you are somehow able to synchronize with me and move the ship almost through willpower alone."

"It's my pegasus magic, EDI!" Rainbow Dash declared, diving between the fighting forces of the Remnants and the Pirate Fleer with an almost lazy spiral. "I just know that this is what I'm made for." Her eyes shone. "Hey… do you think we could pull off a Sonic Rainboom in space?"

"I am not sure what a Sonic Rainboom is," EDI replied.

"There's only one way to find out!"

Dray Sepgeros was not having a good day. "Has anyone identified the new ship that arrived?"

"Um, sir… that ship's ID matches the one for the Normandy, from the Earth Alliance," one of his minions said. "Commander Shepard's ship."

"I know what that is!" Dray snapped, turning to glare at the ship in question. It was pulling insane maneuvers out there. Some of them completely unnecessary, but effective nevertheless, since his pirates had no idea how to react to such reckless flying. "Every batarian knows that ship."

"Should we surrender then?"

"What? No! Why would we surrender? We outnumber them a hundred to one!"

"But… Commander Shepard…"

"Is dead!" Dray hollered. "No human can live several centuries! Whoever is in that ship, it's not Shepard!"

 "It's probably those creatures from the reaction video."

An uncomfortable silence fell on the bridge, and more than one pirate slid away from the one that had dared speak.

Dray could have killed him. "If that's the case, all the more reason to give them hell." But if he kept killing his crew he'd have to handle everything on his own, and he hadn't really figured out this ship as much as he wanted to. He could feel his revenge was coming. He could—

"Sir!"

Dray sighed. "What now?"

"Weapons discharge at bay 4."

Dray closed his eyes and counted to ten. "Kill them."