Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Green Isn't Your Color
Dear Princess Celestia,
Alright, so here I stand in Carousel Boutique, where I have just witnessed the greatest single revelation in my life so far. There was no way I could have possibly seen this coming at any time.
Fax Machine has a crush on Rarity.
What's more? Rarity somehow talked Fluttershy into modeling, somehow thinking she could turn her into some kind of picture perfect pony. Wow, come to think of it, that sounds like the name of a really bad song.
So, back to Fax Machine. Do you now that with a revelation of this magnitude, that it's really fucking hard to keep a secret? Luckily, I have a built-in secret-revealing detector. I call her Pinkie Pie. If you're about to tell somepony else's secret, she'll pop out of fucking nowhere.
During their first shoot, Rarity thought she could get away with dressing Fluttershy in something akin to what Elvis Ponsley would wear. You know, if he was still alive.
Upon realizing that Photo Finish wanted nothing to do with her and accept her failure, Rarity instead decided to live through her friend and convinced Fluttershy to continue modeling, even though she hated it. Which brings me to the focus of this letter: why the fuck does anypony keep secrets? Rarity and Fluttershy kept getting more and more frustrated because they wanted to keep the other one happy. So when both of them asked me to keep their secret, and voila, I had THREE secrets to keep! Pinkie even had to step up her alarms too. She even threatened to bake me into an apple pie.
I finally snapped, and decided to help Fluttershy get out of modeling. Well, not really. I just set out to make her look like a ditz, and hey, if it ended her career in modeling, I could consider that a bonus. I mean, just wait until the crowd sees her try and pick her nose with her hoof. Not to mention make her bark like the bitch she is. Seriously, I would kill for all that attention. But Rarity, wanting to continue to feed through Fluttershy's success, began cheering, and because that entire crowd liked things just because somebody else did, pretty soon the entire room was cheering.
Back in the fitting room, I then decided to do some contests with my secret keeping. First, how many hooves can I fit in my mouth? Then, how many pieces of fruit. After achieving impressive feats on both fronts, I then tried to turn myself into a plant to really freak everyone out.
But you know, with how hard it is to keep a secret, I finally blurted out Fax Machine's crush on Rarity. Then Pinkie chastised me through the dressing room mirror.
You know, I bet she's the one that's been haunting that abandoned department store on the edge of town.
Your loose-lipped former student,
Twilight Sparkle