My Darling Cadance,
I’m sitting at a rustic little table outside Cuppa Joe’s cafe, calmly nursing a cup of the finest brewed beans in Canterlot. I’m also reading this report you sent me regarding how you pleasantly accommodated a changeling by the name of Thorax, and graciously welcomed him into the Crystal Empire after a weeks-long crusade of hunting this changeling down.
You then calmly and ‘rationally’ explained how your deep-seeded fears from your wedding day years ago had driven you and Shining into a paranoid mess of parents protecting your child from that potentially dangerous changeling at the time, and how it took Spike the Brave and Glorious a gloriously unnecessary musical number to relay a message of tolerating change that you, the Princess of Love, needed to be reminded of.
Now, far be it from me to suggest you needed this reminder. Surely in your boring time at the Crystal Empire you’ve come across at least a few highly undesirable citizens and tourists that have tested your patience like mine do on a daily, almost hourly basis. You should have tolerated these undesirable folk, although to be fair, they didn’t belong to a race of changelings that trashed your wedding many years ago and nearly conquered Canterlot in the process.
That reminds me, I should write a letter to Tirek sometime. Maybe I’ll declare all centaurs bad because of him.
Speaking of changelings, I can’t help but wonder if the thought had ever crossed your mind that more than one changeling might be in the Crystal Empire. I mean, there’s no way you could state with absolute certainty that’s impossible, and due to the nature of changeling disguises a marehunt is quite possibly the biggest waste of guard resources you could use, especially when more than one might be present. You didn’t even have any kind of spell to detect a changeling either, so the relative effectiveness of a marehunt for a creature that can disguise itself as an inanimate object is something to be strongly criticised. It’s almost like a knee-jerk reaction to the situation as opposed to a coherent plan.
That was Shining’s idea, wasn’t it?
But even more shocking is why you didn’t conjure that expanding love barrier you did at your wedding. You know, the one that sent every changeling flying out of Canterlot, put changeling-sized holes in buildings and floors… that lovely solution. I’m not saying this to be rude, but I seriously doubt you forgot about that. Barring that, you could also do what happened with Sombra and just charge up the Crystal Heart with love and have that pulse for you.
And frankly, I’m wondering how your citizens learned about changelings to begin with. Did they learn about them from you and Shining? That had to have been the source of their panic: two strong negative biases painting an entire race as evil from a single incident that happened years ago.
Look, I’m not saying that’s a horrid view, just horridly misinformed. To that end, I cordially invite both of you over for an afternoon visit at Cuppa’s cafe. It would do you well to have another perspective on changelings beyond the views brought on from your admittedly rubbish experience.
Plus, Cuppa’s got a few words for you as well. He’s got a… vested interest in this particular topic, and you’ll understand why when you get here. Please make arrangements to come by tomorrow--that shouldn’t be too difficult given your permanent babysitter’s presence.
We’ll be eagerly awaiting your arrival.
Love,
Celestia
So Cuppa, what is your real name? Abdomen? Antenna? Brain?
Well, ever since I learned that changeling’s name was Thorax, it got me thinking about your name. I know Cuppa’s just your cover name, but you never told me your real one! Is it Mandible? Proboscis? Pupa? Tarsal? ...Ovipositor?
No, don’t tell me your real name. I bought this anatomical dictionary, and I intend on using it! I’m going to get your real name eventually!
...Uh, just one question before I just run through this book. Is your name one of these anatomic words followed by another anatomic word?
No? Perfect, this shouldn’t take long then!