• Member Since 19th Mar, 2014
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King of Beggars


One of these days we'll form a union, and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve. Then we'll go too far, and become corrupt and shiftless, and the Japonies will eat us alive.

T

Twilight Sparkle finds herself with an embarrassment of riches. She's got her own kingdom, great friends, some kind of Rainbow Magic, and her own castle! Nothing could go wrong... or so she thought. Something has risen from the depths of her new home to threaten the peace of Equestria. Something old, something powerful, something hungry...


Written for Magello, never stop dreaming, friend.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 123 )

I like star swirls character as a cooky old man i want to play this https://youtu.be/JWW4t8iv10Y?t=14m50s

That was incredibly stupid. I'll let everyone else decide what kind of stupid.

You were already on the way to earning a like from me, but this line made me stop reading, up thumb, and comment:
“Yes, and I know two more of those,” Starswirl commented flippantly as he sent the books zooming off to their places back on the shelves, “I, however, only know of one Starswirl the Bearded.”
Well played.

--Spade

This is what Starswirl should be like.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

So erm... Trixie fucks 800 yr old men.. Well at least she ain't fucking Snips and Snails so it ain't that bad!

There MUST be a sequel to this story!!!! Please!?!?!?!?

:trollestia: Who did this to me? As if I didn't know!
Rainbows line :rainbowlaugh: 40% cooler
Raritys reaction?:raritystarry::moustache: Quite fashionable
:pinkiehappy: WoW!
Those last lines line ?priceless!

th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2015/050/9/3/spike_rarity_splash_by_hillbe-d8iq6be.jpg


This story was a laugh riot ! Well done!

That was the shit. And I don't say that often. I think its the second time I ever say it in written form.
This fic was perfect.

Pretty damn funny.

Starswirl the Jackass was amazing, and I want to see this done more. I also really like how Spike was trying to play damage control the whole way through.

“I’m afraid there’s no gentle way of breaking this to you,”... “so I’ll let Rainbow Dash blurt it out.”

This line is made of win. :rainbowlaugh:

“Of course it is,” Twilight declared happily. “This may be our first meeting, but it’s the first of many. You’ll be glad that we established the proper procedure for all this early on, believe you me.”

If proper procedure involves going through a bunch of motions while not actually doing anything then...

Wait!

Isn't that what Congress does already?

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing!” Twilight shouted, her good cheer evaporating quickly in the face of what she no doubt saw as spurious accusations by her inner circle against her beloved teacher. “I learned everything I know about homework from Princess Celestia! She’d never do something as… as outright irresponsible as stuff a problem into a basement somewhere and stick her hooves in her ears hoping it’d go away!”

As GOP, I must say that Murphy's Law is figuratively, literally, AND metaphorically attached to you. Very attached.

You'll be proven wrong quite quickly!

“Do you all maybe get the feeling that our dear Princess Celestia knew about this?” Rarity asked, voicing the thought they were all having.

Get?

My dear Rarity!

If you're only getting the feeling, something is wrong with you!

You must go see my good friend, Doctor Whooves!

Don't worry! He has no license in psychiatry, but he does dabble in it!

Rarity’s struggles ceased abruptly. “Oh!” she declared, blinking owlishly as she came to some realization. “Ohhhh! That… that makes sense, I think.”

...

I can't even make a "That Logic" joke.

I'm sad!

WHY!?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LOGIC!

“I’m afraid there’s no gentle way of breaking this to you,” Twilight said with as much understanding(1) in her voice as she could muster, “so I’ll let Rainbow Dash blurt it out.”
Rainbow Dash grinned.(2) “You’re in the future, stupid!”

(1) Which isn't going to be very much.
(2) Entirely too happy in destroying the dreams of a stallion unicorn that is displaced.

Starswirl had been pretty adamant that they were wrong about him being in the future – almost violently so. He’d called them all scientists, and threatened to have them tried for non-witchery and burned at the stake. He’d only grown angrier at Twilight’s insistence that ponies didn’t do scientist-hunts anymore.

WHP DAMN IT!

WHY IS STARSWIRL THE PONY EQUIVALENT OF A CHRISTIAN ZEALOT DURING THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS!?

He also seemed to be something of an ass. At least as far as Spike was concerned.

He's not a donkey. Technically, he could transfigure himself into one, but the point is dulled at that point.

Twilight was literally shaking with rage. Spike, fearing what two magically superpowered unicorns could do to his new home if this came to blows, rushed forward to try to settle the dispute.

Twilight is an alicorn.

Legend has it that there is a dragon imprisoned in time and space.

He was deemed to be the most useful assistant forever and wars were fought between a white unicorn, a white female unicorn, and a purple alicorn for his assistance.

By mutual discontent of the ones fighting for him, he left.

He now works in a time and place far away. No one knows where or even when it is.

Simply know his name is...

SPIKE!

“I was thinking push-ups,” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, “but seeing some high-level magic stuff might be rad, too!”

Indeed!

Let us watch another DBZ-esque showdown!

Spike the dragon also was completely done with all the BS he had to deal with around here.

Which was why he left.

Spike and Twilight shared a confused look at what was probably the start of the strangest, most dry-heave inducing May-December romance ever conceived.

Somebody needs to make a love story of this.

PICTURE THIS!

Trixie loves her teacher Starswirl. Starswirl does too! But they're teacher and student!

Was it meant to be?

Spike grabbed the ends of his pillow and held them tight against his head in a vain attempt to drown out the sound of passionate lovemaking emanating from the trailer parked on their lawn.

Spike is the glue that keeps everything sane and rational around here. If Discord took him out, everything would go to hell.

Everything may still go to hell, because he is this close to done with this BS.

Technically, time didn't forget him you know...

Yes.

Finally.

The fiction the world needed right now. Sweaty Starswirl Lust, all over.

This is an excellent story.

I love the idea of Starswirl as an angry old man, it was wonderful, and the Scientist-hunt part was great.

A fart prank. Glorious.

I've no doubt Twilight would have beaten Starswrill but this result was much more satisfying :P

Jerkswirl is the best 'swirl. Forever.

Most hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:

“I’m afraid there’s no gentle way of breaking this to you,” Twilight said with as much understanding in her voice as she could muster, “so I’ll let Rainbow Dash blurt it out.”

And please tell me this is a Futurama reference. :ajsmug:

Whoopie's Charm Of Phantom Flatulence!

(It's #236 in Starswirl's Collection Of Common Cantrips.)

Oh, this has potential beyond a one shot.

Starswirl had been pretty adamant that they were wrong about him being in the future – almost violently so. He’d called them all scientists, and threatened to have them tried for non-witchery and burned at the stake. He’d only grown angrier at Twilight’s insistence that ponies didn’t do scientist-hunts anymore.

That was fucking hilarious.

This becomes even weirder (and yet somehow makes more sense) for those who believe that Trixie is one of Starswirl's descendants.:trixieshiftright:

Good work on the... solution? Spike...?

Brilliant.
... any chance for a sequel? .-.

I have always thought Patrick Stewart would make the perfect Starswirl, especially if he runs up against the freshly reformed Discord. That bit of fantasy casting is so ingrained in my noggin that I could hear the mellifluous voice of mon capitane as I read this fic.

Glorious.

5790795 I couldn't resist... I watched it all... all two parts. It was terrifying

No, call me Twilight Sparkle!

:rainbowlaugh:

You don’t tell me what magic is, I’m the Princess of Magic and the Bearer Element of Magic!

I've been waiting so long for Twilight to say something like this.

Sometimes, the only way to stop a firestorm is to throw a stick of dynamite into the middle of it and let the shockwave blow out the flames.

i.ytimg.com/vi/GD6qtc2_AQA/maxresdefault.jpg


5792659
Yah that beauty and the beast was really scary but would you believe that he review another one that may be even worse depending on your opinion

review

5792955 I hope you know that you have now ruined the plans that I had today because I know need to watch this guy and his incredibly stupid but somehow humorous reviews. maldición to you

5792643
Genius. I think I might actually start watching the show for that kind of match-up.

5791446 Next time, it would be nice if you put all your comments into one comment. Otherwise you create unnecessary clutter (and a flood of downvotes for what might otherwise be an insightful post).

What the heck happened to the comment section here?

Ewwwww..... Old guy on young mare action.

But I was rolling.

Excellent from start to finish. Starswirl needs to be put back in the box. Or he should become faculty at Unseen University.

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