Sunset Shimmer has always been a hot-headed, impetuous girl. She's always been prone to making snap decisions, and later finding herself regretting them. It was exactly this temperament that had brought her to the human world, penniless and alone. When the opportunity to get back on her feet presented itself in the form of a stranger's outstretched hand, she leaped at the chance.
This is the story of a woman who has made many bad choices, and the life those choices have made for her.
Tags, and even rating, may change as the story goes on.
Thanks as usual to Magello for the cover art!
Chapters (13)
Literally the first thing I thought of when I saw the title.
i.ytimg.com/vi/fA6MPAVxTp4/hqdefault.jpg
Oooh this looks interesting and it's made by the King!? Definitely reading this!
And now whether she likes it or not, Sunset's going to have to play Big Sister.
*insert obligatory rant of this story is not TwiGuard 3 here*
But seriously, this story is cool. Personally not a big fan of first-person POV in general, but that's fine. Better than most YA novel that use it anyway.
Man, its rough what happened to Twilight's family but this is looking to be an interesting story.
This is a really interesting start. You give Sunset a good 'cynical detective' voice that still feels like an outgrowth of the character (at least, the character if she hadn't been rainbowed in the face) and the audience is hooked wanting to know what's going on, both with Fiddler and with the creature.
Also, I see "Night Light" and I suppose that time is actually working out properly in this version of the human world if his daughter is 9 when Sunset's in her twenties (I'm assuming it's Twilight).
A few minor errors:
The 'i' needs capitalization.
There's a missing word, probably 'covered'.
Totally tracking this. Interesting concept, and I hope it keeps going good.
And, of course, Twilight was probably the real target, meaning Sunset's still in danger.
I think this grabbed me better than the first couple chapters of Twiguard. My only complaint is that I don't think the title is very catchy or evocative and the cover-art is so-so. The writing's great so far, but those two things might hurt your number of hits. On the other hand, Twiguard has a lot of fans, so it might not matter and those are very minor things when held up against the quality of the story.
On a side note, I hope Sunset sees Luna again, just to get her mind blown upon meeting her sister.
An excellent start, I'm really itching for more
6948612 Like the good ol' days after 9/11!
Golden rays of the glorious sunshine,
sending down such a blood-red light.
Now the animals slowly retreat to the shadows,
out of sight.
Arid breeze from across the mountains,
giving flight to the birds of prey.
In the distance machines come to transform Eden,
day by day.
KoB this feels like something that I should be reading in the bookstore. Just take out the few pony references and you've got yourself a pretty solid setup for a YA series.
6948612 encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSx4MAkhjF1M8UFhS6m0k8Swwz4Aq66DlafS5q44W1uqtz3l6kJzwBDbx2v
6949493
Only love is with us now,
something warm and pure.
Find the peace within ourselves,
no need for a cure.
6949496
When the wind is slow
And the fire’s hot
The vulture waits to see what rots
Oh how pretty
All the scenery
This is nature’s sacrifice
6949504
When the air blows through
in a brisk attack
the reptile's tail ripped from its back.
When the sun sets
we will not forget
the red sun over paradise.
I really love this place sometimes. It's so perfectly appropriate to its subject matter. Where else could you find people willing to engage in spontaneous musical duets?
Wow...I wasn't really expecting the story to take such a dark turn so quickly. Story barely starts and already Night Light and almost his entire family are killed. Really looking forward to seeing whatever comes next.
6949537 Also helps that Metal Gear: Rising has an awesome soundtrack.
6949652
Couldn't agree more. Best game of 2015.
Well this is a rather new and interesting take of the character, Sunset Shimmer by way of John constantine. I really look forward to it
Welp, you brought this upon yourself.
I'm suddenly a little worried for our assumed romantic interest, she was at that first fight that seems to have prompted taking the kid gloves off, is Sunny sure she and her sister didn't get a nocturnal visitor of the necromantic variety?
This is WAY too well written to be fan fiction.
6950832
Don't try to edit your posts! I saw that fuck you! I laughed. And you didn't want to read it~
6950905
I'm sorry I doubted you.
Seriously though, and I started to notice it with Twiguard, but really came through to me with this story, if you just changed up the names and locations a little bit in your stories the strong characterization combined with the solid world building and great story lines, these stories could EASILY be passed off as completely original creations. You just write such cohesive narratives that the only things that truly show that they are in fact fan fictions is that the characters and locations share names.
i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/018/016/You_may_not_have_parents_but_at_least_you_got__4427f3dea2c6ba880479abe5d36c9b4f.jpg
>needed
media.8ch.net/sundowner/src/1412422389332.png
>this story
Sunset's FUCKING INVINCIBLE!
Huh, I think this could count as... urban fantasy? Very nicely detailed world (lot of pony references), and I like your Sunset a lot. She's not as mean as she originally was, but that's partially due to being somewhat aware of how many mistakes she's made (like probably selling her soul). And now she's tangled up in something else. The world-building is great, and I'm eager to see what Sunset does next, with her hatred of orphanages already established. Kind of surprised it doesn't have a dark tag the way things are going.
And I'm glad Sunset didn't go in with Luna (that's a rare pairing, romance wise), that would have been wrong and possibly count as taking advantage, but if only she had seen who Luna's sister was, well, that might have broken her mind.
Wow this reminds me of the Dresden files and similar books. Keep up the good work.
It was amusing that Sunset named her car after Celestia's phoenix. Although, if she really wanted a pony car, shouldn't she have gotten... a mustang?
6956608
*rimshot*
You have my interest, looking forward to the next chapter!
This is a really, really great story...
...That I honestly think is being hurt by its title and cover art. Despite already knowing that I love your writing, I nearly skipped this one because the name and cover was so unappealing. The title "Sundowner" combined with the pic of a snarky-looking emo Sunset made me think the story would be some weird slice-of-life tragicomedy centered around Sunset being an emo, kind of annoying, and a...downer.
Honestly, what I thought the story would be about and what it's actually about is one of my worst misguesses I can remember. I'm so incredibly happy I didn't skip this as I was originally planning to.
I'm not sure what would help with "first impressions", but I think even minor things could work. Just "Sundown" is a better-sounding title for a story like this, and the cover art showing human Sunset doing magic (example) would help a lot with showing what the actual premise of the story is.
Just my two cents. Regardless, the story itself is amazing and I'm eagerly looking forward the next chapter!
Children are very cruel... And I'm very in touch with my inner child.
Jesus fucking Christ this was awesome I need more deer Lord do I need more this was just awesome
Reading this is like reading something like 39clues, which is great!
Heh I was half expecting to see a skull with a bunch of romance novels around it when she went into the basement
Love the story so far. It started really dark, but right now it's got that perfect kind of dark humor.
After how dark the last chapter was, glad this one was... well, still pretty sad but less immediate danger at least. Heh, books always make everything better. Glad to see more of this mature Sunset, who doesn't hold anything against an alternate Twilight, it just makes everything more... awkward.
And yay, more Luna. If anything that's even more more awkward, especially since it seems like Sunset's pep talk didn't quite take. And oh, Sunset found out who Luna's sister is, and at the rate things are going, is probably going to have to talk to her sooner or later. That's probably going to be the weirdest thing Sunset's done in the last... week at least.
I hope Sunset's house is actually safe, but then the news she's going to receive will probably just make her situation even worse than it has been so far. Looking forward to more chapters.
Excellent story so far. I love the Dresden Files-esq style of your narration and setting. It's close enough that it's a wonderful homage, yet far enough to be original.
Glad to see more of this. And not just because I got my wish vis a vis Luna and Celestia.
Of course, part of me wonders, given Nightmare Moon, if Luna isn't really the necromancer, which means Sunset discussing her wards in front of her was a bad idea.
I cracked up at the Daring Do book being taken out of the libraries joke. Not just that it was removed but how excited to see a copy Twilight was, despite knowing why.
7027952 Nah, the skull's in Chicago with another magic user.
7028255 I have to second this.
This is fast becoming the story I most eagerly await updates to on the entire site. And here I thought the Royal Guard saga couldn't be topped. You have a real talent for this.
Kinda hoping for some more Moonbutt on Bacon-mane action... but I'll find out soon enough.
I really like that about 1/4 of the comments are just MGR shitposts.
... I can't help but feel suspicious that Luna is somehow involved. I hope I'm wrong though.
Really digging this, when I first noticed you had written something it jumped to the top of my to read list. I'm sorry, for myself, that it took so long to get to reading this. Thanks for Writing !
I actually enjoy the grounded nature of the magic, and the more plain attitude of the story telling. I think that the straight delivery and the more down to earth attitude of the world you've built work to its benefit as it really does a lot to differentiate this world from Equestria in a much clearer way than EQG does and helps this world to feel both unique and familiar at the same time. I think that the characters are well written, and I believe that the humor is derived FROM the context and delivery of the lines rather than just being a light hearted moment or a dumbbell one liner.
I am so keen for the next chapter. It just gets better and better as it goes on. I hope this ends up being a long and prosperous series. I read the first two chapters the second they came out and it just isn't enough. Keep it up! :)