• Member Since 23rd Feb, 2019
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

KozLeMage


Twitter: @KabukiKozi

T

After being bitten by a spider, Sunset Shimmer became Spider-Girl, the friendly neighborhood of Canterlot.

She will make enemies such as the Vulture, the Rhino or even Sandman, but nothing will prevent her from helping the citizens of Canterlot.

But in the shadows, an evil being calling himself the Green Goblin plots against her.
She's going to have to fight to save her friends, and she’s gonna find out that with great power comes great responsibility.

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Drawing of Sunset Shimmer in the Spider-suit by: https://www.instagram.com/l_apprenti_heros/

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 34 )

Sunset totally forgot about that, yet, Celestia reminded her last night. Today, some of the final year students have a school trip planed at Discord Corporation, more commonly called, DisCorp. DisCorp was the number one corporation in terms of technological progress and it was directed by the famous scientist, Discord. Therefore, all of the students were excited about this trip. They would be entitled to a guided tour by the famous Doctor Conhorse, and the program was loaded! They were going to see several technological devices that Sunset couldn’t name because they were too complicated to pronounce, including a particle accelerator, and, from what Celestia told her, genetically modified animals, to Fluttershy’s pain. Sunset wasn’t excited about that either, after all, she technically used to be one. But the visit was mandatory, because they would have a report to do and Sunset couldn’t afford a bad grade, having only A+ in all of her classes, she didn’t want it to change. ‘I just hope that the animal part doesn’t last too long.’ She thought to herself. She first heard of DisCorp. shortly after she arrived in this world. The first assignment she got on her class was a presentation of Discord and how he revolutionized the world of science. So, she known a little of the character. She let her friends continue the discussion while eating silently, participating only when they spoked directly to her. When the bell rang, indicating the end of their lunch break, the girls walked to the CHS entrance hall, it was the meeting spot for all the students who participated in the excursion. There were already around twenty students who were waiting peacefully and chatting with each other. The discussions abruptly stopped when they saw Sunset and gave her dark glare.

In this group there is a formatting error so a few sentences look like they are new paragraphs but do not have the spacing for it to be correct. Also in the underlined part you may want to expand on it has having that grade means she is going very well and is not in danger of her grade dropping due to one bad paper, if the paper isn’t a large portion of the grade. Secondly a few time in the story you used an unusual mark for the quotes. The proper one is this one “ mark.

Overall this is a good introduction and I would like to see where you plan on taking this story.

Some grammar errors but they don't make the story unreadable. I enjoyed it and look forward to the next chapter.

Venom in the future? If so please let Venom live by the end and be somewhat of a good guy by the end as well.

ow please continue this cause sunny having to deal with all the crazy spider usually has to go though would be awesome especially with how snarky she can get.

I'm suddenly very afraid of Sunset having her Uncle Ben moment.

Well if she gets her inspiration from that Flash, or any of them, she should be good.

10224738
Barry Allen is my favourite DC super hero, so i thought it would be a great idea she gets inspiration from him

You definitely need a dope suit. :rainbowdetermined2:

And she was going to have a dope suit too.

Well thats one way to put it.:twilightsheepish:

“Yeah, it was last night.” She replied “Someone dressed like a bird was behind it. It seems like he took half a million dollars, before he flew in the night.”

Why no pun here? This was a perfect place to use the phrase 'flew the coup."

Somewhere across town, Rarity shivers and doesn't know why...

i hope this turns out better than the amazing spiderman 2

I vote for 'Spider-corn'. Or is that too corny?

Not to say that I distrust Red Light or anything, but I do. You don't set off the spider-sense without reason.

And I'm going to hope against hope that the little rescue between Spider-girl and Twilight is a possible precursor to some SunLight in this story. Not fishing for spoilers, and if there isn't going to be, no worries. Just my SunLight inclinations manifesting.

10280387
There will be no SunLight i'm afraid :(

10280411
Eh, no worries. Like I said, not a deal breaker.

Luna watched Sunset, expecting something, but Sunset didn’t want to look her in the eyes. If in addition she had to ask for help from her teachers, her reputation would definitively be ended.

Well, it’s not like she still had a reputation.

That hit me right in the heart.

I wish I could see what Sunset’s Homemade Spider suit looks like. And then I can’t wait to see and or imagine what her official Spider-Suit looks like!

10287680
Kick-A!
the cover art is the official spider suit right?

10287730
It's her homemade suit.
She's going to keep it for a little while.

Here's another Spider-Verse story that might interest you and give you some ideas.:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/319770/the-awesome-spider-dash-origins

I see Sunset hasn’t quite got the hang of her Spider Sense. I hope she can find out why she keeps seeing that red aura and can deal with it.

She then turns to the entrance of the street when she heard the sirens of polices car heading in her direction.

{police cars} You need to move that {s}

“What is the point of making jokes if no one is even listening to me?” She said, starting to run in the opposite direction of the polices officers that were coming.

{police officers} You need to get rid of an {s}


Also, when Sunset bumps into Twilight, shouldn't it be Twilight falling down? Sunset is superhuman now. If nothing else, landing on her backside shouldn't hurt at all. If anything she should show surprise that it doesn't hurt like it would have in the past.

10289180
You're absolutely right about Sunset


And I'll correct that

Huh, so Sunny didn't think to make herself a proper mask? Tisk tisk Sunset.

10289191
you should also had hero or spider to Friendly neighborhood.

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