• Member Since 19th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 14 hours ago

King of Beggars


One of these days we'll form a union, and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve. Then we'll go too far, and become corrupt and shiftless, and the Japonies will eat us alive.

Sequels1

T

A flip of a coin. A twist of fate.

Twilight Sparkle, younger sister of Princess Celestia's personal student, Shining Armor, grew up listening to her brother's bygone dreams of joining the elite of the elite: The Royal Guard.

Now, fresh out of the Academy, this young mare is ready to prove herself equal to the deeds of the great soldiers she read about as a filly. Too bad the princess she ends up protecting isn't Celestia.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 737 )

Hmm, TwiDance? Eh, not too keen on that. But hey, an AU fic with Badass Twilight? I'll give it a shot.

No explosions in 20k words. I have to rate this a solid 0/10. Please find an editor to help add additional explosions. For example, Shining Armor could explode (and get better).

The story idea is interesting, but the romance feels rather unnecessary.

5350393

It's a Twidance story, so if there is romance it's because the author wanted to write a twidance story. It's not unnecessary and i'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe you just need time to warm up to the idea!

As for the story, I find it excellent for now! We've got the initial situation, the provocation and a good amonth of backstory for Twilight, which is necessary since it's the main character. For Cadance, I suppose you planned to write about her past as the relation between her and Twilight grows so the reader discovers more about the character along with Twilight, just don't forget that not all of us read that chapter book about Cadance becoming an Alicorn. I find the little exchange between Twilight and Cadance a bit weak, it needs some confrontation and action, but since you said that the plot will trully starts in the next chapters...

Please don't screw up, I already like this story so much! It's nice to have something different than just prompts.

Just something that I had a slight problem with:

she resented the implication that she required special treatment merely because of her gender.

This might be just because people interchange "gender" and "sex" all the time, but sex denotes the biological representation of someone, whereas gender denotes how they identify. Just something that bugs me. Otherwise, absolutely wonderful story! I eagerly await more! :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Alanith deleted Dec 6th, 2014

Yeah, I think I can keep reading this. Lol, looks pretty entertaining so far. :twilightsmile:

So if Shining is Celestia's student, then that means that Twilight never got the chance. I hope that doesn't cause too many problems in the future.

Poor Twilight has the shipping sickness. I would like more description on how this Twilight is different physically.

How is "Es mi dia primero!" a reference to anything? Its just "It's my first day!" in spanish.

GAH! NO! I write to slow..

Interesting start; I'm looking forward to seeing where you plan to go with this.

So Twilight is still the only pony in equestria that has the element of magic as her cutie mark. And Celestia sent her away?! I can see shining doing the things she'd done up to the first episode, but Twilight was always the bearer of magic. This could be really bad, unless you disagree with me in which case things will just be weird.

I don't dislike TwiDance. They seem different enough in taste and personality to make a relationship interesting, but similar enough to make it possible without too much bending.

You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.

5350604

It's a Twidance story, so if there is romance it's because the author wanted to write a twidance story. It's not unnecessary and i'm sorry you feel that way.

This is basically a non sequitur on your part. Whether an author "wanted" to put something in a story or not doesn't change whether something is necessary or not to the story. Remember how everyone thought the love plot in the second Hobbit movie was a waste of time? It doesn't make sense to say "well the writer wanted to write a love story, so it's not unnecessary."

A story where Twilight ends up as a guard and Shining Armor ends up as Celestia's student is a really interesting idea that can easily sustain a story in its own right. I don't see the need to bring a shipping angle into it. I wasn't even the first one to express this thought.

Straight into working for the Princess of Love? Nice promotion. Especially after being told how they used to pick their guards, lol. I've been reading to many pony fics lately and was starting to get a bit burned out by the same old thing in quite a few of them. This is a nice enjoyable read and I am happy I didn't skip over it. :twilightsmile: More happy Twilight.

Hm, very interesting. Well-written Twidance story, nice character interaction, pretty lighthearted so far... As a big Twidance fan, I shall follow.

One thing is that the relationship development between Cadance and Twilight is a bit odd in pacing. It is good that the fact that Twilight couldn't be in love after this short time was addressed (at least I hope it was not just Twilight being in denial), because there is a lot of potential in two ponies who get along and like each other are, over the course of an adventure, growing closer until they fall in love. Twilight having a crush on the pretty mare is nice and all, but a slow development would work better, I believe. Especially with the fleshing out of Cadance's character we've seen, they have all the time in the world to build this relationship into a romantic one.

Yup, I'm going to stick this on my "things to pay attention to" list.

Hmm. I like the writing quality so far, and it's an interesting premise, but I feel that you've swapped their backstories and circumstances too uniformly.

Shining acts like a scholar now, had the exact same inductance as Celestia's student as Twilight did, and has Spike as a little brother. Twilight acts like a soldier now, with everything geared towards application, and is getting a crush on the exact same person Shining did. There is a little evidence of their original personalities, but they're very minor compared to the changes to make them like the other.

Their differing raw personalities and abilities should have made them diverge a lot more, especially in how events go down.

At this point, this story feels less like a "Twilight and Shining switch jobs", and more like "Twilight and Shining go about their jobs like normal, except their age, name, and genders are swapped".

5351654

You did not choose a good example to defend yourself. I (personally) didn't think the love story in The Hobbit was a waste of time, it was here to manage the spectators feelings so they're not always pressured by action scenes and great dangers, without over using the comedy side of the movie. And it gave some exposure time to characters that we wouldn't even remember the name if it wasn't for their lovey-dovey relation. It also helps the director to fill the 160min of movie and creates some compassion from the spectators. Isn't it useful?

Anyway, if Twilight switchs place with Shining in this story, the relation between Cadance and her guard is a very important one since it's kind of what is interesting in the characters (in the show). I mean, if Shining wasn't married to Cadance, he would just be some kind of perfect big brother that every little girl want as a sibling, and Cadance would be the princess of selling toys.

Edit: Noticed author's note I'm a genius

Wait how did Spike hatch? That test was supposed to be impossible and not to undermine Shining's power, but that falls a bit outside his talent. Anyways, looking forward to the rest of this story :)

5351484 It is a reference to the Simpsons episode where Homer joins the Navy reserve and ends up taking a sub on a joy ride. at the end he is surrounded by an ass load of navy ships from different countries and he say "It's my fist day" to each of them in there own language.

Well the writer needs some way to fill in Cadences love interest, since Shining is a no go. Anyway the wedding needs to happen as a means for the main six to grow closer as main characters.

5351903 Agreed. People need to consider how both integral aspects of personality AND the sum of one's life experiences shape who a person becomes with time.

hi hi

An interesting premise. I enjoyed the first couple of chapters, in spite of the unexpectedly intense sense of melancholy that went with Twilight and Shining Armor feeling like they weren't where they wanted to be in life. Princess Celestia's characterization was also really top notch, a good level of mystique without resorting to incomprehensible rationales or contrived circumstances.

I admit that I don't really care for the Twilight and Cadence bit, so this is probably as far as I go, but don't let me stop you from writing what you enjoy. There's some good stuff in here. :twilightsmile:

Damn, wanna read it but, Twidance, sooo nope gonna have to skip on this wild ride. :ajsleepy:

I'm here for the shipping

Alright there's something I need to ask because I'm crazy: What color is Twilight when she's in armor?

5352534 you shouldn't skip out just because of shpping, it might just be a crush, or it might be a surprisingly good shop. Remember Cadance might still like Shining, and when luna returns, well that might be something. Just keep reading for a few chapters and if TwiDance seems absolute, ignore it or stop reading then.

Very nice even if I share some of the concerns expressed above.

--
Typo:

practically threw myself at him, but good luck getting him to pull his nose out a book long enough to notice a completely hot filly just chomping at the bit for a date.

champing at the bit

Sure, she could appreciate that somepony else was attractive, and of course she’d had her moments of private fantasy, but she’d never been outright struck anypony’s appearance.

struck by

(The "Me and some of the guys are" in previous chapter was intentional I believe)

This a TwiDance? Might have to read it if it is.

5352765

I think chomping is the proper vernacular.

Hmm... interesting premise, but the romance tag part of this story seems to be going in at a blistering pace. I am also far more curious to see how Shining Armor fulfills his role as the Element of Magic.

5352783
Like "should of" or "you have another thing comming"?
No thank you.

5352889

I'm sorry, I don't quite follow you? o.O

In regards to the story itself, I'm not at all a fan of the romance aspect to it. Tying Twilight to her brother's entirely same fate, that of dating Cadence, being in the guard etc, seems like a waste. A badass guard Twilight story, however, opens all kinds of neat avenues to be explored. Just my two bits.

5352934
I think he is referring to the fact it is "should've" not "should of" and another "think" instead of "thing"
The first ones are how they are, and the second are what people confuse them to be, because fanfiction is srs bsns, even the obscure shit needs to be corrected, even though its not a submission to an English class university professor or anything.
Of course don't get me wrong, I'm sure if I had that deep a passion for internet stories I too would be most upset at the improper use of idioms. Truly admirable to be that dedicated at pushing forward the art of fan fiction.

5352675 Problem is this author is really good, I don't wanna be disappoint by a story he wrote, not taking a chance. Thanks anyway pal.

Thanks for reading so far, everybody! I'll take a minute to field a few questions and concerns.

5352551
If you're asking about that fandom thing where all the guard armor is magic and makes them look the same, that's not a thing here. She's purple in her armor.

5351755
Romance happened because there was time for it. They really didn't have much to do on that boat but talk. Starting next chapter they're going to have much bigger concerns.

5351903
Hopefully in the coming chapters you'll see more of Twilight's personality in this. As it stands she hasn't really been put to the fire yet. As for Shining, we won't see much of him since this is Twilight's story, but he does as well in his studies as anyone who takes their schooling seriously, but that doesn't mean he takes joy in it the way Twilight did in the show's timeline.

5352402
Thank you very much for looking, but at the moment the story is going artless. I'd rather not have art than have art I'm not completely satisfied with. I may get some custom work done soon, so I'll try and have something by next story update. Thanks again for looking, very much appreciated.

5352534
Sorry to hear that, Pyro. I was really hoping to get you this time. ;_;

5353030
Thank you very much for clearing that up for me. I'd give you a cookie but the editor here doesn't have an insert cookie button.

Dang this story is going good!
for some reason I also want to read the companion story of Shining as the EoM (with shipping or without, i like both). :heart:

5351028 Honestly not sure why you have so many downvotes when it's TECHNICALLY true, AND you're just stating a personal grievance. While you are right in technicality, try to keep in mind... not EVERYONE thinks scientifically. It might be politically correct to say sex instead of gender, but in this instance, it isn't really wrong because the reader KNOWS what the author MEANT.

(Though I understand why it might be a personal pet peeve of yours.)



Regardless, I must concur! This story is very interesting so far! I'm intrigued to see where it will go. (Lucky for me, there'a already another chapter to read! Thanks!)

5353099 I'd say it's not so much thinking scientifically, but more me identifying as trans/genderfluid. So yes, it is a pet peeve of mine. But I'm getting a tad defensive, so I'll just go back to reading and not commenting. I'm just glad I'm not being singled out, but that's a story for another time. :applejackunsure: And thanks for understanding, it's not often people do that, at least in my experience. :twilightsmile:

It's an interesting idea, but I don't see a lot of diversity between the characters, It really just feels like Shining in twilight's body, and I kinda skipped over the twidance stuff because i'm not that interested. Honestly I'm half tempted to take the inverse of this story as a story concept with Shining Armor taking Twilights spot as celestia's personal student.

i will follow the story in hopes of seeing a little more of Twilights actual personality, though considering how she has always reacted to pressure (not very well) I don't think she would have much of a future for military work.

5353133

She's orderly and strict, though. I'm sure Private Sparkle would make a bang up soldier. :twilightsmile:

Hoozah!” the old soldier cheered pridefully as he slammed a hoof on the desk.

Is that supposed to be 'hoorah' or 'huzzah'?:rainbowhuh:

Welp, if I needed convincing on whether this story would be worth reading, this chapter did it.
Honestly though, you had me at the cover page.

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