• Member Since 15th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 20th, 2016

Not Luna


I read too much greentext when I was new. This is what happened.

T
Source

It's your general HiE story. Human arrives, human is introduced, human adjusts, human falls in love, subsequent pony falls in love with human, marriage, the end. But what a lot of stories don't tell is that the human eventually dies. It could be dying on the field of battle, locked in combat with some immortal foe. Or maybe he slowly succumbs to the sands of time in the background of other, more important things. It eventually happens whether we like it or not.

But what happens after that?... Does he fade from the minds of his friends over time? Completely forgotten in all but a statue and an inscription in the royal gardens?

...

Or does he stay at the forefront of their thoughts? Forever remembered by his wife in a desperate attempt of find some way to bring him back to life while all those around her keep telling her to move on, "forgive and forget they say", "move on" they say.

"No" she said. "NO!" she yelled in their faces!

She will wait for all eternity if need be, just waiting for the day that she can have her love monkey back!

...

Well give it a couple thousand years of technological advancement, some descriptions and blueprints ripped off of his iphone, and a major problem that requires a very special approach and we've got ourselves either a recipe for success or a botched clusterfuck of epic proportions.

...

Welcome back Jacob...

Authors notes: I have seen so many good stories here, some that are more than worthy of big budget book publishers... And I want to be one of them. So it is with this that I ask you.

Don't use lube.

Be as critical and analyzing as you can. Spot everything you can that would make this story better whether it be better descriptions, better dialogue, the way a character reacts to a situation, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!

Cover art credit goes to this awesome guy.

Edit: Removed the Dark tag because nothing really dark actually happens, I just didn't know what it actually meant at the time the story was posted.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 327 )

This is certainly different.
I entirely approve of everything about this. Let's get going.

Well, you've hooked me. I'm looking forward to see more.

In before feature :pinkiehappy:

Because this shit is getting featured! :pinkiehappy:

Maybe it's the fact that I'm reading this at 2am. But this story seems pretty unique and very well thought out, not to mention a slight mind-bender. If you didn't continue on this I'd be quite disappointed.

This is a pretty good story you have here! I can only hope you continue it.

Why does this remind me of total recall if so then make Him say this to Luna if he gets pissed 'consider that a divorce' if he gets angry.

Imma liking this. no criticism or anything.

im digging your stiry, keep writin man!

You got a good story on your hands here. Nothing beyond a few misspelled words were all I found so keep it up!

Now I am not reading this yet, this is DEFINITELY going on my "read later" list!:raritywink:

Curse you Not luna you got me hooked on this story...but in all seriousness its a great story hope you keep going with it.

I kinda liked how you decided to get all the cliched crap out of the way at the very start, just giving us the bare minimum for details.
Though I would advise you get someone for spell-checking and such. A few minor things here and there.

The first thing I noticed that needed work was your grammar. Capitals, and some of the dialogue in the description are what stuck out most to me. Despite being rather minor, if you want to became one of those "Worthy" authors, you should not have small mistakes like that.

I like the sounds of the story though, it seems enjoyable.

Man, I really like the concept behind this story. A perhaps not entirely sane alicorn going all SCIENCE!

Now to read it.

This is beautiful. Please continue this.

his last words. He still chuckled at his attempt to get her to smile, even in his last moments by saying “Keep that mane short.” before expiring.

saddest moment in video game history, manly tears were shed that day.

Hmmm... Consider me intrigued.

good story, I will by very happy if you continue your story:twilightsmile:

A very interesting concept, Continue?

I have to ask. How old are you, author? (not trying to be rude or anything. Honest question.)

Well :rainbowderp: I can't fucking believe how interesting this story is :derpyderp1:
It's just so...Different :rainbowkiss: It's great though, so far:twilightsmile: :pinkiehappy: I really Like it
But question; "Dead Space Pinkie Promise"? Da fuck? :rainbowhuh:

I love it, only a couple of spelling and grammar errors but nothing to serious. Keep up the good work can't wait to keep reading.

Just one word.....AWESOME! "Welcome to the future. You're now basically a Terminator but EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT!" :pinkiecrazy:
And Celestia aproves? :trollestia: hahahaha, please continue with the story!

Comment posted by DustTraveller deleted Aug 21st, 2013

3082204 I believe he is making an oblique reference to this rather horrifying scene from Dead Space. As in "...hope to die, stick a needle in..."

I am somewhat confused as to why they even bothered with the fictional "Twilight's library pre-Gala" reality. It seems rather elaborate, and if it was done to prevent some sort of future shock, they failed miserably when they set the time period too far back. Unless they were unsure as to how much of his memories he would retain?

All in all, it seems like a colossal waste of effort for what was essentially just a mind fuck for half a scene. Still, this is interesting, and the "recap" done in a the form of a memory download to the awakening Jakob was pretty well handled, if a little exposition heavy. Suppose it couldn't be helped exactly.

I'm definitely interested to see where this goes.

But what a lot of stories don't tell is that the human eventually dies. whether it be dieing on the field of battle, locked in combat with some immortal foe, or slowly...

Not sure if I want to read this.

Not sure if I saw a reference to The Walking Dead game or if it is just a coincidence...

You got me hooked on the description alone. Here, let me get you a favorite. :twilightsmile:

I LOVE IT!!! PLZ WRITE MOAR!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: ok, now that im done fan boying. I em really excited to see how this goes. I just hope he isint "oh i killed some guys? yea thats cool" when ever he does something like that.

This story...I like it.

*throws it on the ground* ANOTHER! :flutterrage: :flutterrage: :flutterrage:

He passed the hell out.

…Well at least he didn't do what I would do…flip out and rant.

All in all, a surprising and interesting premise.

Too awesome keep up the good work dude. You have earned a like and fave.:pinkiehappy:

My jaw dropped so hard that, if i was standing atop a 1500 foot radio tower, my jaw would still hit the ground.

OH MY FUCK I LOVE THIS!!!

Moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Awesome story!! I love it!

I just wanted to mention, to me, one of the worst sorrows ANYBODY could ever experience, is to go through something like jacob did, as well as other, and then for them to be tricked into thinking, none of it was real.

:raritycry::raritycry::raritycry: That just breaks my heart!!:fluttercry:

But anyways, fanstastiblacall story!:raritywink:

This story has REALLY grabbed my interest! Please, write more! :twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::raritystarry::ajsmug::eeyup:

A whole WEEK?! But I want it nooooow! :applecry:

Aru

I'm going to read it. But you know what had really made me interested in reading this? Authors note in the end. About not using lube and stuff. My english may be poor but If I find something about story/plot itself I found awkard or weird... I'll tell ya it ;)

The "arm thing" that Jacob has now reminds me of Dexus HR. Keep it up :moustache:

I'm so desperate for more scifi in Equestria I'm going to give this a shot. Several grammar and spelling errors, but not unreadable. You should have stuck with one point of view, because knowing what Luna was thinking doesn't make much sense given the context, wait no. I thought about it and it does make some sense, but you should try to do better at distinguishing between perspective changes.

Quite a lot different from other HiE stories. I really do enjoy Luna releated stories, so i would love to see more! Hopefully you'll continue writing.

You had my curiosity. :trixieshiftleft:
Now you have my attention. :trixieshiftright:
Can't wait to read more of this. I do suggest finding some kind of editor.

3082550

The whole "So yeah, Twilight and I hardwired command sequences into your core programming that allows us to shut you down or override your free will" thing would be a massive fight waiting to happen if I was in Jacob's place. Even if Luna's all like "But I would never abuse those codes with you", the possibility for her to do so still exists, and if she's spent the last several millennia on an obsessive plan to create an exact replica of her dead lover, then she's probably not all that stable to begin with.

Let alone the whole "Hey lets pretend nothing ever happened and it was all a dream, despite you distinctly remembering 'your' own death!" act Twilight was pulling. Or the "I'm gonna use those command codes to shut down your higher functions, then reactivate them when you're arm deep in somepony's insides!" thing Luna did. And by this point I'm probably only staying with Luna because I'm incredibly terrified of what she'll do to me if I ever try and leave her.

I don't know if I'm gonna like this, but I'm certainly curious enough to fave so I can find out.

It's going to be hard, waiting a whole week. I think I can handle it.

-Mis

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