• Member Since 10th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday

ClanCrusher


I write things. Pony things are among the things I write.

Sequels1



T

Failing once in her attempt to take Canterlot and failing again in her attempt to take down Twilight, one would think Chrysalis would have cut her losses and let things be, but the queen has once again appeared, this time in broad daylight with no disguise and no army. Her weapon of choice? Diplomacy.

Now Twilight is having to deal with the changeling queen, but surely putting up with her antics will be worth the knowledge she's willing to provide about her mysterious race and the potential undiscovered agents still within their midst...right?

Takes place before Magical Mystery Cure and diverges from there.

With thanks to MisterGunpowder for proofreading and editing.

Revision History:

05/09/2015: Chapter 1 updated with millions of little corrections.
05/20/2015: Chapter 2 revised and edited with another million small and large corrections.
06/12/2015: Chapter 3 given a thorough editing and revision.
06/23/2015: Chapter 4 taken to the gutter and edited twice to be sure.
07/14/2015: Chapter 5 thoroughly brutalized with the editing stick.
08/03/2016: Chapter 6 finally edited. Yes, I'm still alive, dammit.
09/29/2016: Chapter 7 fell out of the editing tree and hit every editing branch on the way down.
10/26/2016: Chapter 8 has emerged from the editing emergency room.
11/17/2016: Chapter 9 found and edited. No casualties reported.
11/30/2016: Chapter 10 treated for whiplash after lightning fast editing.
12/22/2016: Chapter 11 edited. Chrysalis shot first.
01/17/2017: Epilogue edited. Time to hit the cider.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 631 )

Ooh, this is interesting and not something I've seen before. I look forward to seeing where it goes and have enjoyed the start already.

This is really nicely done, and I definitely want to see more!

Please consider adding it to several appropriate groups to help readers find your story. Assuming the ship is what it says on the tin, this is the best place to start. If you're not familiar with groups, I'd be glad to help you get started.

Ooh, this is looking good. Very nice characterization here, and a fairly solid use of the tie-in comics. I'll be watching this.

I think Twilight is over-matched here. Chryssi just knows too much about manipulating somepony to gain a result.

*Alondro peers from beind a collumn in the palace and eye-narrows* Cherngelerngs... *he slips back into the all-concealing shadows to plot plans... and plan plots... and plan to get some plot... one of these days...*

:trollestia:

Holy wow
This is amazingly well written story with an interesting premise
Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

4676132
Sheesh, it's like you have some kind of changeling-fic radar implanted in your skull or something.

------
Also, @the author, MOAR!

4675984 You can usually take care of that by killing anypony or creature who tries to manipulate you. If they're dead, they can't try and manipulate you any more!

It's a very successful strategy!

Truuuuuuuuuuuuuust me on this...

:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

4676624 Yes, you should try it. Go and do it right now.

(Alondro's trying to manipulate you!)

Yes. I like it and favorite it. Twilight Sparkle, personal student of Queen Chrysalis. ETA on next chapter?

Now Twilight is having to deal with the changeling queen, but surely putting up with her antics will be worth the knowledge

she's willing to provide about her mysterious race and the potential undiscovered agents still within their midst...right?

I'm saying it now (before reading this) mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1178_medium.jpg

I think a thumb-up would be premature, but it's worth tracking to see where this goes.

Hmmm, interested. The tags suggest that this one will not turn dark, and there is the promise of a Chrysalight romance. Let's see how it will develop.

4676590
☑ Manipulated into believing his manipulator is dead

You have my attention...

*joins fingers to make a triangle while leaning back in computer chair*

You have my attention, proceed...

Featured, and there's the 100th Like too. Nicely done!

4677262 So much manipulation within manipulation... clearly there must be a Diabolical Mastermind or Puppetmaster working behind the scenes... and one who's Dangerously Genre Saavy! :pinkiegasp:

I gotta say, unless Chrysalis controls Twi's mind, I don't see this ending up with shipping.

Kinda hard to get someone to love once when they already know you're an invasive, violent, parasitic species who thinks of them as nothing but food and has freely admitted as such.

It's kinda like a PETA member falling in love with a guy who enjoys throwing dogs into a wood chipper.

I favorite this for almost the sole reason of watching it develop. This is a VERY interesting concept and I want to see where you take it.:pinkiesmile:

Hmm, a most interesting story! I shall be following closely to see how this develops...... Liked and favourited.

Before I fav. I have to know what fic you are referencing with the invasion of Ponyville, foalnapping of whom I guess are the CMC, and the showdown at Chrysalis's palace? None of those are canon, and it takes away from the fic to learn about several major plot points that have no historical relevance to build off of for the readers. Or are these little tidbits going to be covered in a flash back or two?

4678232
The author is not referencing any fic but rather the IDW MLP:FIM comics' first story arc.

begging for exile.” Her voice carried with it the weight of countless years

I suggest making this "Luna's", it is apparent who is speaking, but convention dictates that her name should be written. If someone wasn't sure of the characters, they could assume Twilight was talking.

her as well, leaning about her

"learning"

Luna's respect, Cadence's love, and the bearers of the elements of harmony as well

Any reason this "Cadence" doesn't match the other three examples of "Cadance"?

Hmmm, interesting start, I like it and would like to see where this goes.

4678486

Ah! I've never read the comics, not canon imo, and some of the premises I've heard about them from others seemed ridiculous. But I guess that's what I get for skipping out. Thanks for the info :twilightsmile:.

There was always the distinct possibility that she was being straight with me and saying the truth just made me not want to believe it, but going down that rabbit hole was a bit more than I could take at the moment.

Ah, Twilight... of course she was telling the truth, knowing you wouldn't believe it... but if you knew she was truthful you would examine her closely enough that she would have to be lying to get away with what she wants, which you would know so she would obviously have to state her intentions in a straightforward manner that could only be taken as a lie... :twilightoops::fluttershbad::facehoof:
I pain myself at times.

She smiled. “Not currently.”

Yep, she's already finished the planning stage--now she's just carrying out the preliminary stages.

And Chrysalis greatly underestimates how horrifying a perpetually looping Pinkie Pie song can be. I have problems believing Chrysalis will just let her defeats go without repercussions... even though what happened to her was certainly something she brought upon herself.

Favorited.

(Also, quick question... Chrysalis spoke about complete draining and feeding off of the ambient love of others, but she didn't say anything about the love directed at a disguised Changeling... is this because that is an obvious method of feeding, or is she deliberately not mentioning it for some reason or other?

Comment posted by dragonjek deleted Jul 11th, 2014

Congratulations on being featured. :twilightsmile:

Very interesting. I like the premise of this already. I'll be watching this fiction with eager eyes :twilightsmile:

I am intrigued. Please continue.

I like that this actually gives Chrysalis a backstory. Like seriously, she just wanted to take over Equestrian because she could

4680206 The winds of change tend to blow in the same direction just ignore it.

here have an adorable dog picture to help you.
cdn.cutestpaw.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/l-black-cute-dog.jpg

4676717 hue hue we shall see about that. * puts on 9.3 different guns and trips trying to kill you*

4676422 You call it Radar, I call it group notifications.

D48

The premise is somewhat interesting even if it is nothing terribly unusual and the writing is not bad, but the hive mind/mindless drone stupidity kills any interest I may have had in this story so I am out.

I do like the premise. Smart, charming, in-control Chrysalis is always more interesting than dumb, evil, impulsive Chrysalis. And if she can figure out that Equestria will allow her to simply walk right in, declare outright that she intends to subvert them purely through words and persuasion, and then proceed to do so, I imagine she'd absolutely relish the challenge. The chance of gaining a permanent food source through nothing more strenuous than talking, and not even having to be subtle about it? While enjoying the luxuries of her host's civilization, culture, extravagant 'food' supply, and the kind of intellectual debate she doesn't seem to be able to get much of in the hive? And they're taking care of her hive for her while she does this?

She's probably having the time of her life!

Twilight is a 'exquisite piece of meat'

lets see how Chrysalis likes her steak but i think more on the red side

i kijnda like it! hope this dosnt end in twy getting really oooooc in chapter 12 or some. :pinkiehappy:

It’s hard to judge this story in its present state because the first chapter gives no indications about the ultimate direction it will take. It’s tagged comedy and romance, but there’s hardly a chuckle to be had and no signs of where that romance will come from. While romance can build over time, if you want to keep the comedy tag, you need to have the humor on display from the outset. Not doing so amounts to a false promise to your readers, and I was disappointed by the lack of jokes.

This chapter consists almost entirely of exposition, and while I get the reference to the comics, I don't think the context is conveyed clearly for those who haven't. I also find the narrative voice rather bland for a first-person story, especially one told from the POV of a well-established character. Maybe the story will improve, and I'll give it that chance, but the first impression is meh because it lacks a strong hook.

Mechanically, it’s a mixed bag. Your bio implies that you've written other things, but this is your freshman effort on this site, and it looks like a first effort from someone who cares about quality (a very important quality) but is still learning how to produce it. Comma errors are rampant—especially missing commas before direct address and comma splices—although few have an impact on readability. LUS is common here but, thankfully, not taken to its most annoying extremes. If you'd like more information on my mechanical complaints, I'd be happy to explain them via PM.

I'll give this story a chance to impress me with future chapters, but the slow start leads me to believe it could turn into a bland, boring mess if you're not careful. For now, the only merit I see on display is the compelling characterization of Chrysalis, and that won't be enough to keep me interested for long, so this fic needs to advance quickly and waste no time in establishing its own identity.

I picture Luna sending her to Tartarus and Celestia sending Tartarus to the moon... and Pinkie drops in out of nowhere sining "It's a small world, after all!"

oh good god run for the hills it's Diplomacy

4681244 *Alondro survives to manipulate another day!*

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