• Member Since 2nd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

Pumpernickel Rye


T

Sequel is now live!

Revenge. It has been the only thing on Chrysalis’s mind during the months of her exile. What should have been her greatest triumph turned out to be her ultimate downfall. After months of waiting, she has at last developed a plot to win back the support of the changelings and take over Equestria: Run a dating service.

Disguised as the lovely unicorn Cherub, she starts up her business, ready to reclaim what she had lost. However, she soon discovers that the dating world is not as simple as it appears. Realizing that she cannot do this alone, she is forced to seek help from the most unlikely of sources.

Cover image created and permitted by FeliXao.

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 840 )

Whoa... Chrysalis x Pinkie? Crack pairing of the century, yes! The story is very well written. You've captured my attention. :pinkiehappy:

After living as an exile for several months,

You don't live as 'exile':facehoof:
You live in exile as an outcast:facehoof:

My griping is done, this actually looks pretty neat:trixieshiftleft:

1979191

Thanks for catching that. It is now fixed.

Grammar is pretty good, pacing isn't too bad, but I notice a lot of spelling errors. Mostly little things like "every" when you meant "ever"

All in all, I like this so far, have a favorite.

Good fic...
Until Soarindash :ajbemused:
Oh well.
Favorited. :twilightsmile:

Despite the grammar errors you're off to a good start. I look forward to seeing more of this ChrysalPie shipfic. :eeyup:

Interesting.
First my though was rating teen and sex tag and it's comedy? Ok...
But after first chapter it's gonna be good one i hope :D

im waiting for chapter 2........

good story so far.. I give you 2 mustachios! :moustache::moustache:

Interesting start. The spelling mistakes threw me off a bit, and the pace could be a tad slower, but all in all, it's a good start.
I shall be awaiting the second chapter. :twilightsmile:

All in all a good start, if there was mistakes they were not glaring enough to bother the reading. I look forward to the next chapters

Not the best I've ever read, but by far not the worst either.

Full review

Basically, what the people above me said. Also, there's a handy button that automatically inserts a full-width horizontal ruler. It's called "Horizontal rule". You should look into using that, even though I think it's fairly invisible, it just looks better than that.

I require more chapters immediately.

Jeff the Pony
Wants you to finish the second chapter... Or else :pinkiecrazy:

I fully support this story. Make more of it or I'll have your head!

I'm liking this, and I hope for more chapters to come sooner rather than later. I also like your Cheese Legs, I think you have her character down pat.

Soarin?

Silly author, that's not how you spell daring Doo!

All that aside, great story, good to see more comedies starring my favorite changeling queen, faved.

Hah, pinkie pies is the best. Absolutely loved her listing off potential coltfriends for AJ

Wow, Chrysalis sure is trying her hardest to blend in.
Now to wait and see who the next lucky customer could be.

Great job. I really like where this is going. Thanks for writing! :pinkiehappy:

Well looks like things might be turning around. Chrysalis's business looks like it might really take off.

I wonder who the next client will be.

This is playing out interestingly. Besides a sprinkling of grammatical errors (Do you read it over before submitting it? Sometimes that helps.), the only thing that bothered me was the library scene near the beginning. Specifically, the part where Chrysalis payed to borrow some books. I always imagined the Golden Oaks Library (or Books and Branches, or Golden Eagle. It's never really named in the show, only in promotional material, but I prefer Golden Oaks.) to be the public library of Ponyville, hence the ability for Celestia to give it to Twilight for a residence. In other words, I wouldn't think you would have to pay anything other than a late fee when using the service. But it's your story, so I can't do more than give you my opinion. :twilightsmile:

Damn, Applejack had real sass at the end!:ajsmug:

Chrysalis, you clever, beautiful bitch:ajsmug:
Loving these long chapters.
Make the next one 20k words, k? K:yay:

Damn....AJ got some moves. I happily await the next chapter:heart::pinkiehappy:

Chrysalis sure is trying to deny being friendly.
But knowing Ponyville, she'll turn... they always will :pinkiecrazy:

“Now that I think about it, I wonder what these parties will be like when Pinkie becomes old enough to drink.”

I don't think we want to know. :pinkiecrazy:

Ha, of course Chrssy would resist learning. It's going to be all the sweet when she inevitable gets found out. Heck Pinkie probably already knows and is playing a game or something.

2205124 Actually, I wanna know :twilightblush:

2205826 I don't think Pinkie's that smart but I'm pretty sure she supsects something.

and in the end Luna x Chrysalis clop :heart:

ps. I really like the story :pinkiehappy:
pps. where I can send you a motivation beer or something ? ;)

Fancy Pants and Photo Finish huh? Well that seems like an original ship. :eeyup:

Ha, Chrssy is so gloriously devious. Nice bait and switch with Fancypants.

Well, she sure made an impact.

All in all it's just a
'nother brick in the wall:rainbowwild:

I have one thing to say... dat nightmare:moustache:

Damn Chrissy, you're good:moustache:

Ewwwww.....

Fun fact: Honey is also bee vomit. Enjoy that next time you have toast!:pinkiehappy:

“Actually, she did have a relationship once.” The changeling took immediate interest in the subject.

Rarity gasped. “She did? She never told me about it!”

“Oh I remember all of it. She couldn’t get enough of him. She spent every moment with him, day and night. I think it was the first time she fell in love. I even remember them kissing once.”

“Whatever happened to him?”

“You really want to know?” he asked in a serious tone.

Rarity gulped. “I do.”

“She got to the end and had to find another book to read!” Both of them burst out laughing. Chrysalis joined along and was banging her hoof on the table in hysterics. She was going to use that when she got her revenge on Twilight.

“Spikey,” Rarity said in between laughs, “that is just awful!”

“I know. They really should make a book you can’t finish. Poor Twilight was just so upset.”

For some reason I can totally picture that being cannon. :rainbowlaugh:

dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7567-tumblr_m8rf1eEzb41r84295o1_500.gif
You might want to either get an editor or fire your current one and get a new one. I'm not listing mistakes tonight as it is rather late.

Only have one thing to ask. Why is it put in 'Spike Shipping' if there isn't any Spike in it at all. For a main character I mean.

Vomit Doughnuts! :pinkiehappy:

Obviously... :pinkiesick:

This is one of the funniest stories I've ever read, you're awesome P.R!

2585013

Someone else has been adding the story to these groups. What I find to be really funny is out of all the groups they have added it to, not one of them is a Chrysalis group given she is the star.

Lol, the ending about goo reminded me of Futurama.:rainbowlaugh:

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