A New Scheme
A New Scheme
“Ms. Pincher! There are some customers waiting for you!”
“On it, Mr. Dovey!” Penny Pincher grumbled to herself as she made her way to the table. Penny Pincher was a copper colored unicorn in her twenties with an orange mane and a cutie mark of two bits. At least, that was how she appeared to everypony else. In reality, she was not even a pony. She was actually the queen of changelings, or she was until almost three months ago. After she returned home from a humiliating defeat at Canterlot, she was immediately stripped of her title and then sentenced into exile. She had hidden herself among the citizens of Manehattan, hearing that it was a romantic town for honeymooners, and had taken employment in a small restaurant called Lovey Dovey’s Love Café. It paid less than other venues and all the customers didn’t carry enough love to sustain her hunger. It felt like a dead end for her.
She expected herself to tolerate the new lifestyle, but she couldn’t even bring herself to. She was royalty and longed to return home, but the atmosphere of the changeling kingdom had become incredibly hostile, wanting her head. If she were to set even one hoof into the kingdom, they would imprison her and send her straight to Celestia in hopes that she would forgive them for their former queen’s actions. The only reasons she still worked here were it gave something to do while she figured out what she was going to do for the future and because it was great for testing her own patience and personality so she wouldn’t make any more mistakes like the ones at the wedding. However, her own patience and attempts of feigned kindness were running thin at her workplace.
Penny Pincher, or Chrysalis, approached a table where a couple was waiting for her. She forced herself to smile and took out a pencil and notepad. “Welcome to Lovey Dovey’s Love Café, the most romantic place in Equestria!” Every time she said that, she died more inside. It was an awful and redundant name yet it still somehow attracted enough ponies to stay in business. “What can I get for you two lovers?”
The stallion at the table spoke in a quiet voice, sounding slightly embarrassed. “I will take the heart herbal tea and my wife will have the make-out mocha.” These names made Chrysalis want to gag.
“Of course, sir. I will be right back.” She went over to the counter and prepared their drinks, trying to act cheery in hopes that no pony would suspect that she was a changeling. Since the attack on the royal wedding, all of Equestria had become incredibly paranoid about her species. Occasionally, she had seen a pony accused of being one and sent away for trial. They of course never caught an actual changeling, but the fear was still persistent. Even Lovey Dovey, the owner of the café, often checked on customers for suspicious behavior. Any tic or sign of nervousness could spell misfortune. Fortunately for Chrysalis, she had been in the acting business for many years and could withstand the pressure.
While she was working on the customers’ drinks, a voice bloomed behind her. “Hey, Penny! Busy day, huh?”
Chrysalis recognized the voice and turned around. It was Sunshine, one of the other waitresses there. She was an earth pony with a bright yellow coat and a brown mane. Ever since she obtained employment here, Sunshine had been trying to befriend her. Chrysalis pretended to be friends with her, but refused to hang out with her outside of work. She hated Sunshine, but in fairness, she hated everypony. They were nothing more than food to her. She always conjured a rational excuse whenever asked to meet up after work so she wouldn't be stuck with her. A few times already Sunshine had become suspicious of her and as a last resort, Chrysalis used her magic when they were alone to wipe her memory of any suspicion. “Hey, Sunny. Yeah, I’m just working on an order right now.”
“Well I just wanted you to know that Mr. Dovey is expecting you to pick up the pace. He feels that you’re not working your hardest.”
Chrysalis turned back to the drinks, gritting her teeth. “Is that so? Well tell him I will consider his advice.” Her boss was always on her case, trying to make everything as perfect as possible, and that often involved him telling her how to do things right. She received one of these lectures almost every day and she hated them more every time.
“Great! So Penny, I was thinking after work, we could-”
“Sorry, can’t talk now,” Chrysalis said hastily as she quickly put the drinks on a tray. “I’m really busy with customers right now, so we have to talk another time. Okay?” She then made her way across the restaurant, trying to distance herself from Mr. Dovey’s personal flank kisser. As she approached the couple, she overheared their conversation.
“Honey, I really think you should talk to our daughter. I don’t like that boy she’s been hanging out with,” said the wife.
The stallion sighed. “I know how you feel, but I don’t see what I can do. She never listens to me anymore.”
“But I’m starting to think she really likes him. And if she were to marry that hick from Appleloosa, what would the neighbors think?” his wife complained while Chrysalis rolled her eyes. Rich ponies cared way too much about how everypony saw them.
The husband looked distraught. “I agree. But how should we get rid of him? Do you think he would accept a bribe to leave her?”
Chrysalis stepped in and placed their drinks down, startling the both of them. “Personally, if I was in your position, I would use a little ‘parental enforcement’ and tell him I’d break his legs if he came near her again. And if my daughter didn’t like it, I’d show her the door.”
The wife was absolutely appalled by her suggestion, but then noticed her husband smiling. “O-or maybe we could just find somepony else for her! You know, someone who is actually respectable in this town.”
“Yes, but she seems to be really into that cowboy. It’s a shame we can’t just make her fall in love with somepony else.”
Chrysalis stood there, his words echoing in her mind. “Make her fall in love,” she said quietly enough that the couple didn’t hear her. “Make ponies fall in love...” She felt the cogs in her head begin to quiver. Before they could really begin to turn, she heard the shrill voice of her boss disrupt her.
“Penny, darling! Please stop bothering the customers and get back to work!” Lovey Dovey, the fat, pink pegasus who owned this restaurant, was staring at her angrily. She ignored him and tried to think some more. Changelings always had to use methods of direct feeding to survive, which was much more difficult now with the heightened security. Maybe if there was much more love somewhere…
“Ms. Pincher! Are you listening to me!?”
One thing Chrysalis really loathed was being interrupted, but she had made up her mind. “Shove it, you fat flank!” Everypony in the restaurant looked at her in complete shock. “I’m sick of taking orders from you, I’m sick of Sunshine, and I’m sick of this stupid café! I quit!”
“What!? But you can’t just quit!”
Chrysalis ignored him as she made her way to door as she had much bigger plans in mind. She tore off her uniform and threw it behind her. Once she reached the door, she opened it and just stood there. She thought of how she could make her goodbye much more memorable, so she turned back and shouted, “Oh, and to get that extra kick of flavor, we mix dragon snot into the drinks!”
She immediately went out the door as everypony spat out their drinks. The café became an immediate cacophony of screams, breaking glass, and falling tables. As she walked away, she turned her head around and witnessed a stampede of ponies fleeing out the door with one even jumping through a glass window. Mr. Dovey then came out of the café and followed them, shouting at them to come back. It was likely he would call the authorities on her, but that soon wouldn’t matter. It was time to get out of dodge.
Celestial Suites was one of the largest, most expensive hotels in the city and it was where the former changeling queen had taken residence ever since her exile. While she hated how it had the name of the all-powerful alicorn ruler who she had clashed with at the wedding, it was considered fit enough for royalty and she was most definitely royalty. She wasn't at all worried about somepony here recognizing her from the café as ponies never took the time to remember faces and she did well to keep a low profile. She strolled through the lobby while humming to herself, thinking over her idea as she walked.
She reached her room and started to pack immediately, eager to begin her plot. She didn’t need to pack much as all she had besides the essentials were several dresses which she had “purchased” from several stores. Often at night she would wear one, take the form of a random mare, and make her way to several bars in the city to hit on many ponies. With her talented charm, every one of her hunts ended in success with a passed out stallion or mare and herself full of renewed energy. It was very easy for her to feed off a pony’s love, and sometimes their wallets, despite the increased awareness.
Once she had packed her dresses away, she brought out several large bags she hid in her closet that were filled with a large amount of bits she had obtained from some very love-struck ponies. She only used the cash to pay for her stay since mind control made paying for other things unneeded, but another reason she took money along with other things was that during her time living as a pony, she discovered a sudden thrill that came with stealing. She stashed them all together into a bigger suitcase, thinking it would be a good idea to have some actual cash on her. With everything put away, she took her luggage and made her way out the door.
She returned to the lobby, approached the front desk, and rung the bell. One of the workers that she grew to know and loathe, Belle Hop, appeared. “Hello, Ms. Pincher! How can I help you today?”
“Hello, Belle,” she responded with feigned friendliness. “I am here to check out of this hotel and return home.”
“I’m happy to hear that! You must be very homesick after being on vacation for so long.”
“You have no idea,” Chrysalis responded bitterly, wishing she could return home from her “vacation".
“Allow me to pull up your bill before you go.” She went over to one of the desks in the back and pulled out a file and a calculator. After several moments, Belle returned with a small piece of paper and handed it to her.
Chrysalis merely glanced over it. She could easily pay it off with the money she had, but she hated Belle as well as everypony in this town. They didn’t deserve a single bit from her. She looked around the lobby, making sure that no pony was looking in their direction, and then turned her attention back onto Belle, grinning maliciously. “Of course. Allow me to pay you fully.” Her horn glowed green and then it shot a bolt of magic at her. Belle’s eyes turned green and spun around for a moment. After she regained her focus, she looked back at Chrysalis.
“Thank you for staying at Celestial Suites. We hope to see you again!” she said while waving goodbye to her.
“I most certainly hope I don’t,” she muttered under her breath as she walked out. While she admitted it was sort of a nice place to stay, especially since she spoiled herself with massages and wine, it didn’t even come close to feeling of being back home. She walked the streets of Manehatten, filled with excitement at the thought of possibly reclaiming her throne. She looked around her and saw the rich folk that she despised of Manehatten. She was so glad to be finally away from their snobby elitism. The thought that any of these wretched ponies thought themselves to be above her was sickening.
However, there was something she needed to do first before her departure. She crept her way into an alley and when the coast was clear, her horn glowed. She no longer needed this body and needed a new guise. Her whole body was engulfed in green magic and after a few seconds, it faded. She was now a tall, slender, rose red unicorn with a bright pink mane in her early thirties and on her flank were two hearts that were pierced by an arrow. It was the perfect disguise for what she had planned. She also didn’t want to take the chance of running into any law enforcement before she departed.
Chrysalis left the alley and continued on her way. She had at last reached the train station and took a map from the ticket counter, looking at all possible cities that she could go. During her stay, she had learned much about Equestria’s cities from visitors who had come to the cafe. She just needed to go somewhere that had a large enough population of ponies who weren’t stuck up like the ones here, where the ponies were simple. After several minutes of scanning the map, she saw the perfect place. She placed the map in her bag and went up to the counter, where a stallion was busy reading a book. He just glanced at her.
“Where to, ma’am?”
Chrysalis grinned. “One ticket to Ponyville, please.”
She went to the back of a nearly empty car, trying to be alone, and took a seat, sketching her plan in her mind. It was simple. She would arrive in Ponyville and make as many ponies as possible to fall in love. In order to do that, she would set up a dating service in order to help them find the one. It might take some time, but she knew how work with ponies. Once that was accomplished, she would return to her kingdom in order to tell her subjects that she had created a place filled with an enormous amount of love and then the next phase would begin. Large groups of changelings could go there and sustain their hunger by merely being there and no pony would notice. With the difficulty they now faced of taking the form of another pony and feeding off someone due to Equestria’s awareness, they would have no choice but to accept. She would then kick her younger sister Nymph off the throne, reclaim her rightful place, and send her into exile to see how she liked it. Once that was done, she would let her soldiers feed and grow stronger for a while and once they were strong enough, she would go for a second invasion. This time, she would make no mistakes.
Her mood immediately soured by the thought of her sister. When she returned after the invasion, many of her subjects were waiting for her, furious. She could not resist their assault on her because she was physically and mentally weakened from the barrier that had thrown her and her army out of Canterlot and she was imprisoned. Since Nymph was the only other heir to the throne and was considered to be less “tyrannical", they made her into their queen. Nymph was three years younger than Chrysalis and had always claimed to know better about ruling the kingdom than her. She even told her that her attempt of an invasion was very foolish and thought they were better off to remain in hiding and reap the resource of love in secret instead of an all-out assault.
After her forced abdication and imprisonment, Chrysalis was held on trial for her failures to the kingdom. The council and the public were outraged at her for failing in her plan as it not only exposed their existence to the world, but now they were at risk of going to war. Many of them wanted her imprisoned for life and some even suggested execution due to some of the casualties, but the decision was given to solely Nymph. Chrysalis felt incredible fear as she awaited her fate. She had not treated Nymph well for the last several years and was convinced that she would take vengeance on her at the first chance she got. However, this was not the case. The queen instead took “mercy” on her and had her banished. At least if she had been imprisoned she would still be home. It felt like Nymph did it in order to carry out her humiliation. Let her suffer without a kingdom or even a home.
Just to further add salt to the wound, she had heard about her sister’s activity in most of the pony newspapers. Nymph was having several diplomatic meetings with Princess Celestia and the Canterlot political elite, asking for forgiveness and even the chance to live side-by-side with ponies with some sort of compromise. What was worse was that she was using her own sister as a scapegoat. Chrysalis was disgusted by this. Changelings were meant to feed off the love of ponies. Ponies were prey and changelings were predators and thus the superior species. They shouldn’t have to ask them for anything. Chrysalis had the right idea of taking rule of them.
After several hours, the train came to a stop at her destination. She grabbed her bags and stepped outside. It was certainly a small town like she imagined. The first thing she needed to do was to find somewhere where she could start up her business. As she walked, she took notice of her surroundings. It was much greener and cleaner than Manehatten and the ponies were going about their day, mindlessly greeting each other with smiles and acting polite. Despite them being much friendlier, she hated them just as much as the citizens of Manehatten. She could never stand ponykind.
She kept her cool as she introduced herself to ponies, asking for directions for new housing, and eventually came across what she was looking for. It was a business district right in the vein of a street busy with ponies walking through. It was the perfect place to start as its location would surely attract many potential customers and one building just happened to be for sale. It was a two story building that was much smaller than what she considered to be ideal.
Chrysalis sighed in defeat. “From my palace, to a hotel, and now this. Can I possibly sink any lower?” She was really reluctant in taking it, but it could be weeks or months before anywhere else would become available. As she approached the door, she saw a white earth pony mare inside. Chrysalis tapped on the glass of the door and got her attention. The mare went to the door and opened it.
“Hello, Miss,” she said in a friendly tone, “my name is Short Sale. Are you interested in purchasing this estate?”
Chrysalis faked a smile. “Why yes. I most certainly am.” In truth, she would rather be dead than live here. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to take a look at first.”
Short Sale smiled at her. “Of course! Allow me to give you the tour, Miss…”
“Cherub.”
“Alright, Ms. Cherub, please come with me.” She returned inside and Chrysalis followed her. “This is the main room here and the kitchen is right over there. There is a small closet just on the left here and a bathroom in the back. Now please follow me upstairs.” Chrysalis followed her up. “Up here is the master bedroom as well as a second bathroom. I know it’s small, but I guarantee this is a comfortable place to live and even run a business.”
“I’m sure it is,” Chrysalis said while looking around. She knew the agent was full of it. Whoever thought a building of this size was good for living in and working in was an idiot, which was probably why it was the only building for sale in the first place. Even the smallest shops she had been in had more room than this.
“Well that concludes our exciting tour,” said the salesmare, laughing at her own joke. Chrysalis didn’t even smirk. “So do you still feel like buying? It’s a great deal!”
Chrysalis bit her lip. She didn’t like the idea of living somewhere so small, but she was desperate to get started as soon as she could. She had no choice but to accept. “Yes! I most certainly would like to buy!”
Short’s expression lit up. “Excellent! Now let’s go downstairs and you can fill out the paperwork.”
Chrysalis suddenly burst out laughing. “I don’t think that’s necessary, seeing how that’s your job!” Before Short Sale could respond, Chrysalis shot her with a bolt of magic. Short’s eyes glowed green and she made her way downstairs with the changeling following. She took a stack of paper from her bag and set them on the table, beginning to scribble on them with a pen. Chrysalis chuckled as she watched her work. “And I do believe I have paid for this wretched place fully!”
After several minutes, the possessed pony finished and put away the papers. She then handed Chrysalis the keys as well as the deed. Chrysalis decided to reduce the amount of magic she was using, which allowed Short Sale to regain some of her free will so it was less obvious that she had been controlled as the pony made her way to the door. Chrysalis made sure there was enough magic left in her that the unicorn would think everything was done and would not consider double checking anything. When she stepped outside, Short Sale turned around and spoke. “Thank you for buying! I hope that you enjoy your new home. Oh, and I should warn you about the s-”
Chrysalis slammed the door on her and made her way upstairs. She dropped her bags and laid on the wooden floor, completely exhausted from her traveling. She was going to have to fill the place with furniture and other things before she got started, but she really didn’t feel like getting started today. She laid there and fatigue eventually took over, causing her to drift asleep.
An hour later, Chrysalis woke up, startled. She heard weird noises and voices coming from the room below. “Who could be possibly down there?” she thought as she stood. She had enough magic to take on any intruder, but maybe it was just Short Sale coming back because she forgot something.
That’s when a frightful thought appeared in her mind. What if somepony caught on to the mind control she had left on her? Ponies still jumped at the word of changelings, so they could be much more aware of such things. She then started to think that somepony caught on to her and reported her to the royal guards. They would take her back to Canterlot and she would face the wrath of Celestia. These thoughts kept playing over and over in her head as she slowly made her way down the stairs. “H-hello? Is somepony down th-“
“SURPRISE!”
Chrysalis shrieked and lost her footing, tumbling down the stairs and landing on the floor with a loud thud. She laid on the floor, head spinning and sore all over from her fall. She then looked back up and her eyes went wide. Not only were there many ponies in her home, but the place was filled to the brim with balloons. One of the living room tables was covered with cake, treats, punch, and a record player and hanging right above her was a large banner which said, “Welcome to Ponyville!”
“Oh my gosh! Are you okay!? I’m super-duper sorry! I guess that surprise had a little too much surprise!” Chrysalis felt her blood boil as she immediately recognized the voice. She looked up and saw a pink pony with a large curly mane. It was the same annoying pony who had planned on making the wedding party something for little fillies. She hadn’t even bothered to remember her name. Chrysalis, burning with fury, stood up.
“WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET INSIDE MY HOME!?” Everypony in the room immediately cowered at the sound of her booming voice.
“I’m-I’m sorry! I j-just wanted you to feel w-welcome on your first day in Ponyville! Short Sale gives m-me the keys to all the homes so I-I can welcome all the new ponies,” replied the terrified mare, now at the verge of tears.
Chrysalis snarled at her, but then caught herself. She looked around and saw everypony staring at her in complete terror. This kind of first impression would probably kill her business before it even got off the ground and she needed to fix it quickly. “O-oh, I had no idea! I was just taken off guard by the fact that a bunch of strangers were inside my home. Please forgive me.” She struggled to make herself smile, waiting for a response.
The pink pony’s expression instantly returned back to a giant grin. “Well these strangers are now your friends! My name is Pinkie Pie, and I will be your bestest friend in the whole wide world!” She grabbed Chrysalis’s hoof and shook it violently.
Chrysalis wanted nothing more than to throw all these ponies out, but now was a good time to mingle and advertise. The sooner she could make a positive introduction, the better. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. My name is Cherub. I’ve just come from Manehattan looking for something new and rural.”
Pinkie then jumped onto the table. “Well Cherub, now it’s time to PAR-TY!” She turned on the record player and music blasted out of it. Everypony cheered and proceeded to enjoy the party. The sound of the music and the other ponies cheering was deafening to Chrysalis. Pinkie grabbed her hoof. “Come on! Let me introduce to everypony!”
Pinkie dragged her all over the room, introducing her to everypony she could find. Chrysalis was not really paying attention to what Pinkie told her and focused more on spreading the news of her soon-to-come business. Eventually, she was brought to a group of ponies who were very familiar to her. “And here are my bestest friends ever! There’s Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and…”
Before Pinkie finished, Chrysalis looked at the pony she was going to introduce next and felt a surge of scorn flow through her body. It was the one who had put her into this awful position in the first place by foiling her plans. “Twilight Sparkle,” she spoke in a vile tone.
Pinkie and her friends stared at her, confused. “You know who I am?” the purple unicorn questioned.
“Yes, I...” She realized what she was doing and panicked. It was her personality which gave her away before when she was disguised as Princess Cadance. She could not make that mistake again. She spoke again, this time in a much friendlier voice. “I mean…yes, I do! Aren’t you the sister of Shining Armor?”
Twilight’s expression lit up. “You know my brother?”
“No, it’s just that I read about the wedding and I believe you were mentioned. It’s very nice to meet you.” She remembered from when she'd taken Cadance’s place that Shining Armor had mentioned Twilight at times and told her where she lived. She really wished she actually paid attention to anything he said, because now she was living in the same town as her mortal enemy. She couldn’t believe that she had overlooked this very important fact and now she was stuck with her breathing down her neck. She extended her hoof towards Twilight, hoping that she would shake it and forget what had just happened.
Twilight reached out and took her hoof, her eyes showing no sign of concern or curiosity. “It’s nice to meet you, too!”
Rarity, the white unicorn, spoke up. “So tell us, Cherub, what brings you all the way to Ponyville?”
Chrysalis was reluctant to have any of them know what she was doing in order to reduce any possible interference, but telling them to mind their own business would only draw suspicion onto her. “Well, it’s kind of embarrassing. I was sort of hoping for a chance to start a business here.”
“What kind of business?” the mare asked with sparked interest.
The changeling took a deep breath before admitting to them what her life had become. “A dating business. I’m a matchmaker.”
Pinkie suddenly became really excited, standing on her hind legs while flapping her forelegs. “Oh, so you make matches? That sounds fun! I’d buy from you, but the Cakes don’t let me handle matches anymore.”
All of her friends burst out laughing and Pinkie seemed confused. “Not that kind of matchmaking,” Chrysalis said in an annoyed tone as she placed a hoof on her own face. “I mean that ponies come to me and I help them find a special somepony. You know, romance?”
“That sounds nice,” said Fluttershy. She suddenly looked nervous. “S-so if any of us asked f-for a special somepony…”
Applejack cut her off. “Not me. Ah believe that findin’ somepony that ya want to spend the rest of your life with is just somethin’ that happens naturally. Not by having somepony else tellin’ ya who they think you should date. No offense to ya, Cherub.”
“I hear that!” said Rainbow Dash. “Take me for example. I just spend my time being awesome, because I am, and now I’m dating the best Wonderbolt ever, Soarin! Did I mention he’s a Wonderbolt?”
Rarity groaned with her other friends rolling their eyes. “Yes dear, it’s very nice and all, but I wish you would stop trying to bring it up at every chance you got.”
“You’re just jealous because the pony of your dreams was a jerk,” teased Rainbow Dash, only to receive a harsh glare in response.
Chrysalis spoke up, trying to get the conversation back on track. “Anyway, it will take me some time before I get started. I still need to furnish my home first and I’m afraid I am not at all familiar with anypony here.”
Pinkie tightly placed a foreleg around Chrysalis's neck, heavily intruding into her personal space. “Don’t worry, Cherub! I know everypony in Ponyville so I can introduce you to them and then you can make them fall in love!”
Twilight looked at Pinkie, her eyes beaming. “Hey Pinkie, that’s a great idea!”
Chrysalis suddenly felt herself worry. “W-What idea?”
“You should hire Pinkie Pie,” she responded happily while pointing a hoof at her friend.
Pinkie gasped loudly as well as strengthened her grip. “Oh my gosh, Twilight! That is a great idea!”
Chrysalis felt the color drain from her face while the others were excitedly agreeing with Twilight. Of course Twilight would make things worse for her. She had already found the party pony to be probably the most irritating person she ever met, and that was only from meeting her for a few minutes. The thought of being stuck with her for several hours almost every day of the week did not appeal to her in any way. She noticed they were all looking at her, expecting an answer, and she just smiled. “I’ll be sure to think about it.”
Pinkie looked a little disappointed as her ears flopped against her head. “Okay…” She suddenly became hyper again. “You ever play pin the tail on the pony!?”
The party went on for several hours as Chrysalis forced herself to eat some of the food and play several of the party games. She felt that she had spoken with enough ponies to get a nice jump start in customers for when she finally got started, so her time was not completely wasted. It was then late night and the party had finally come to an end. Thankfully, Pinkie and her friends stayed and helped clean up for her, giving her much less work to do. Once they had finished, they said their goodbyes and left. Right before Chrysalis closed the door, Pinkie suddenly ran back up to her. “So you promise to think about hiring me? I can be a really busy bee! Except I don’t buzz and I’m pink, but I really love honey!”
“Yes. Now please go away.” Chrysalis then pushed her away, closed the door, and locked it.
“Okie-dokie-lokie! Bye, Cherub!” Pinkie then bounced out of sight, finally out of the former queen's hair.
Chrysalis sighed with exhaustion and made her way up the stairs. She entered the bedroom and slumped on the floor while using her softer bag as a pillow. With her magic, she closed the door and made sure that all of the window shades were down. She then reverted back to her original changeling form.
“It feels so good to be me again.” She wished she didn’t need to be Cherub and could just return to being Queen Chrysalis, but right now she was only Chrysalis, former ruler and current outcast. Her only chance of reclaiming her title was to go through with her plan and succeed. Failure was not an option.
“It will be so nice to sleep in my bedchamber back home,” Chrysalis said happily as she stretched, “and all it will take is to make these stupid ponies to fall in love with each other.” She was a changeling, so she did have a lot of experience with love and even her ability to sense emotions. She closed her eyes and chuckled. “How hard could it be?”
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Whoa... Chrysalis x Pinkie? Crack pairing of the century, yes! The story is very well written. You've captured my attention.
You don't live as 'exile'
You live in exile as an outcast
My griping is done, this actually looks pretty neat
1979191
Thanks for catching that. It is now fixed.
Grammar is pretty good, pacing isn't too bad, but I notice a lot of spelling errors. Mostly little things like "every" when you meant "ever"
All in all, I like this so far, have a favorite.
Good fic...
Until Soarindash
Oh well.
Favorited.
Despite the grammar errors you're off to a good start. I look forward to seeing more of this ChrysalPie shipfic.
Interesting.
First my though was rating teen and sex tag and it's comedy? Ok...
But after first chapter it's gonna be good one i hope :D
im waiting for chapter 2........
good story so far.. I give you 2 mustachios!
Interesting start. The spelling mistakes threw me off a bit, and the pace could be a tad slower, but all in all, it's a good start.
I shall be awaiting the second chapter.
All in all a good start, if there was mistakes they were not glaring enough to bother the reading. I look forward to the next chapters
Not the best I've ever read, but by far not the worst either.
Full review
Basically, what the people above me said. Also, there's a handy button that automatically inserts a full-width horizontal ruler. It's called "Horizontal rule". You should look into using that, even though I think it's fairly invisible, it just looks better than that.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-87ZiLhwb7n8/Tf4bMXegzuI/AAAAAAAABZc/01BfPc0EAFk/s1600/like-button1%2B%25281%2529.jpg
I'm very interested. Will follow this fic to the end.
Pinkie x Chrysalis?
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This ship has my full support.
I require more chapters immediately.
Jeff the Pony
Wants you to finish the second chapter... Or else
I fully support this story. Make more of it or I'll have your head!
I'm liking this, and I hope for more chapters to come sooner rather than later. I also like your Cheese Legs, I think you have her character down pat.
Soarin?
Silly author, that's not how you spell daring Doo!
All that aside, great story, good to see more comedies starring my favorite changeling queen, faved.
"feint kindness"?
Try *feigned* kindness.
Even the hosts of a pokey, little motoring show know that is gonna make the universe go against you.
3097937
It's funny that I thought of that clip as soon as I read that last line, and then there you are with the very clip I was thinking of! You are a beast my good sir!
In-famous last words, Chrysalis. Now everything will be difficult.
Story-quality wise, I see a lot of good and bad things in this first chapter. Some of the technical aspects need work, and Rainbow's one line of dialog sent me into a catatonic cringe from its cliche-ness. Also, I wish there were more details given about Chysalis' banishment, preferably in the form of a flashback. This would give us some characterization on her sister, as well. The most glaring shortfall is that Chrysalis' plan was poorly explained. She makes everyone in Ponyville fall in love and then bring in changelings to... take the place of one of each set of lovers? Where would she keep all of the abducted ponies? Would they just live among the lovers in Ponyville? How would they explain the sudden influx of immigrants? I assume she had a solid plan, and I'm sure it will flesh out in later chapters, but readers would be confused at this point.
On the other hand, Chrysalis' characterization is progressing wonderfully, and Pinkie Pie is portrayed better than many fan fictions. The two of them are a promising combination, and I plan to continue reading the story. I will leave my thoughts on the entire thing at that point.
Until then...
4980891 I think the idea is that the changelings would feed off the residual love radiating off of the ponies, so they wouldn't need to replace anyone. There are plenty of convenient ways to indirectly justify such a population boom when you're a changeling - influence a tabloid article somewhere about the benefits of living there? "Find your one true love, today!" or some whatsit about being safer around Twilight Sparkle - keep your enemies close and all that.
"Because fuck the Cakes Imma be a matchmaker!" - Pinkie.
that part almost made me choke on my drink!
Universe:
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Dammit, Chryssie, you never say that!
welp time for a reread of this great story
Wow. Just, wow.
First your not exactly a scapegoat when you did it and secondly do you ever see a pack of lions try to take out an entire herd, of couse not. Large predators can be overwhelmed by prey due to numbers.
The picture reminds me on those commercials with "i can't believe this ain't butter!" XD
>.(\ facehoof....
Famous last words chrysalis. 😈
Lol
I'd say it's about time for a re-read so I can properly propel myself into the sequel