//------------------------------// // Bonus: Kill the Wabbit // Story: The Queen of Hearts // by Pumpernickel Rye //------------------------------// Kill the Wabbit Bored was putting it in the lightest of terms. Discord was absolutely bored out of his immortal skull, finding this moment duller than the thousand years he spent as a statue. Sure, he could just enter his own brain and do fun things without anypony knowing about it, but his creativity felt a tad dry as of late. He loved creating chaos, but being put on a leash really strained him. Nightmare Night was on the horizon and he wanted to see how many ponies he could make wet themselves, but he so far had no master plan ready. He wasn’t that mad about it, however. He truly cherished Fluttershy as a friend and sort of liked the other Elements and the princesses, but he just wished he could be a little more himself. He’d loved to see how Twilight would like it if they kept her from studying. He snapped his fingers, creating half of a pineapple with some juice and a straw in it, drinking as he rested in the sun’s rays. Looking at the sun made him think of Celestia. He never got what she saw in him to give him a second chance, but he appreciated it. He never admitted it, but that princess had to be his second favorite pony from that gesture alone and he valued her somewhat. Sure, she was all royal and whatever, but messing with her always produced the best reactions. It was too bad she couldn’t just lighten up on him sometimes. Once he emptied his cup, he tossed it behind himself and closed his eyes. It may have been boring, but at least sunbathing was always nice. Before he could find himself full relaxed, he was rudely tapped by something. He opened his eyes and saw a certain bunny bothering him. He noticed that he had his cup on his head and was covered with juices, causing him to chuckle. “Sorry about that. I honestly didn’t see you.” He closed his eyes, but Angel forced them open by tapping on him again. “What do you want? I’m not doing anything.” The bunny took a paw out in another direction. “Are you telling me to move?” The rodent nodded and Discord just closed his eyes in response. “Too bad.” He felt Angel reaching under him in attempts to move him, but the Lord of Chaos was too big for him. All of a sudden, the air with filled with a high-pitched cry. The draconequus lifted himself and looked at the crying rabbit. “What in the world is the matter with you?” “Angel?” Approaching them was Fluttershy, who came down from the sky and scooped up her pet. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” The rabbit continued screaming and pointed at Discord. “Oh, you poor thing!” Discord, angered, stood up. “What did I do!? I was just laying here and he all of sudden comes bothering me.” “Oh, you didn’t do anything wrong. Angel just likes that spot to take a nap and prefers not to be disturbed, so he wants you to leave. Could you maybe do that?” “But what about me? I’ve acted gentlecoltly about this, so I should be able to stay!” “I’m sorry, Discord. I know you’re telling the truth, but Angel has his needs and will be cranky if he doesn’t get them.” “Fine,” he said hatefully. He walked off and shot a glance at Angel, who spat his tongue at him. He watched as the pegasus lowered him on the grass and scratched his ears. “There, there. Isn’t that all better?” she asked while scratching his ears. “She never scratches my ears like that,” he muttered as he stormed off with a raging storm cloud floating above his head. At first, he thought living with Fluttershy would be great. She was very kind and had a lot of interesting animals. However, there was just one thing that always made everything stink and that was Angel. Ever since Discord reformed himself, the little bunny seemed to like bothering him whenever possible. Because he was Fluttershy’s favorite, he usually had things go his way be pretending to be so loving and innocent. Usually they tried to keep out of each other’s business, but lately he had been getting on Discord’s nerves. He jumped onto the roof of the cottage and relaxed, trying to not think about it. It wasn’t that big of a deal and Discord was not the type to hold a grudge. If he couldn’t stay mad at two princesses who imprisoned him for a thousand years, how could he be mad at a little rabbit? Night rolled in and the draconequus was ready to call it a day. He made a note to himself to find a hobby or something as there wasn’t a lot to do in Ponyville without being able to make chaos happen. There was that important task given to him by Celestia and Luna, but it was just too simple and boring for his tastes. Before he could tuck in on the couch, he was met by a craving that was far more powerful than his craving for mischief. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, setting his sights on something as beautiful as a puzzle cube with the stickers switched. Sitting there was a slice of Pinkie’s loco-for-cocoa cake, one of the most delicious treats in the world as it possessed fourteen different flavors of chocolate mixed together for a magnificent taste. The pony had an absolute talent as a baker as this amazing treat took a week to prepare and was usually sold out the moment it appeared. Discord stared hungrily, drooling hard enough to create a waterfall from his mouth and a small pond on the floor with fish jumping out of it. He reached out his eagle claw to the cake, only for it to suddenly disappear. “Hey!” He looked down on the floor and saw Angel with the slice. “Oh, come on. You already ate more of the cake than I did.” The bunny ignored him and opened his mouth wide enough to eat it one bite, only for Discord to swipe it at the last second. “Sorry, but I saw it first.” All of a sudden, Angel released his annoying cry, causing Fluttershy to appear within several seconds. “What’s going on?” she asked while rubbing one of her eyes. She saw the both of them as well as what Discord held and immediately knew what this was about. “Discord, what did I say about sharing?” He sighed dejectedly. “Sharing is caring.” Fluttershy nodded and took the plate from his hands, offering it to Angel. “That’s right. You should always share with your friends.” Discord crossed his arms. “We’re not friends, we just live together and I want my cake.” “Well, I am sure Angel bunny is willing to share it with you. Isn’t that right?” They both looked at the rabbit, whose face was coated in chocolate, and in front of him was the plate with the slice missing. “Oops. I guess he was really hungry.” She bent down and picked him up, pressing him on her shoulder while patting his back. “I hope you didn’t get a mean old tummy ache from that.” Discord slowly picked up the empty plate. “B-but…but I…” He saw Fluttershy carrying away Angel and the rabbit once again spat his tongue out. Discord’s eyes remained fixed to the room out of the kitchen until he heard Fluttershy close the door to her bedroom. He then looked at the empty plate. “He even licked all of the crumbs and frosting.” He held the plate tighter and tighter until in broke in half. He growled loudly and all of a sudden, his head turned into a volcano and erupted with violent force. Rabbit season was officially open. Discord threw a dart, hitting a picture of Angel right between the eyes. He then took all of his remaining darts and threw them all at once, each impaling the rabbit. He stormed back to his chair and sat in front of the fireplace. He snapped his fingers and gave himself a pipe, blowing out bubbles as he stared into the flames. The day after he was robbed of his cake, Discord went off a bit from Ponyville to blow off some steam at his newly created hunting lodge. The walls were covered with trophy heads of a certain rodent, multiple pictures of him that were struck with darts, arrows, and battle axes, and the giant rug in front of him was made of rabbit skin. He slammed a first down. “Who does he think he is!? He has messed with the wrong draconequus! No one bosses around Discord! That little pipsqueak wouldn’t be so tough without Fluttershy helping him. I let Fluttershy boss me around because she’s always so polite, but not him! He’s a jerk! He even acts like that to her! If she didn’t always protect him,” he snapped his fingers and created an Angel plush, “I’d squeeze him until he popped like a balloon!” With enough force, the plush’s head flew off and fell into the fireplace. He slouched in his chair. “How did I ever let this happen? I have the power to make the whole world shaped like a banana, and yet here I am being bossed around by a tiny bunny.” He put his paw over his face. “Maybe I should move out for a bit, but I don’t know where I could go. I guess there’s always Canterlot, but I’m pretty sure Celly and Looney are still mad at me for making those ponies at the parade fall over like dominoes. Still, at least hanging with that white pony would be far more relaxing that that white rabbit. She at least has a good reason for acting the way she does.” With a snap of his fingers, he created a bag of gummy rabbits and proceeded to eat them. “I just wish I could put Angel in his place. I wish I could unleash some true chaos on his little head, but everypony always watches what I do. Maybe being a statue for a year would be worth it if I could get some sweet revenge, but why bother? In the end, Angel always gets what he wants.” Finishing his snack, he created a blanket and made himself comfortable, drifting off to sleep in front of the fire. All of a sudden, his eyes shot open and he sat up. “Angel always gets what he wants.” At first, the room was filled with chuckling, but then it grew into evil laughter. Discord sat at the kitchen table, hard at work with building his creation. The animals practically dismissed him since they had no idea what he was doing and Angel didn’t even know about it, which was perfect. As he continued to put it together, he used his brain to make some important calculations. All of it seemed fairly complicated, so maybe he would have to change the laws of science for a bit to get this to work the way he wanted. The sound of the front door being opened caught his attention. He turned his head and saw Fluttershy coming in. “Welcome back, Fluttershy,” he said in a joyful tone. “Hello, Discord,” she replied as she entered the kitchen. Right as she took out some milk, she saw his project on the table. “Um…what are you making?” “It’s a rocket ship!” The pony sat at the table. “A what?” “A rocket ship!” he answered while setting a bolt into place with a wrench. “It’s something that holds people and goes all the way to outer space!” “Oh, wow. It looks pretty small, though.” He got some tweezers and attached some wires inside the rocket. “Well it’s not meant for me. It’s meant for sweet Angel.” “Angel?” “Yep!” He looked up from his work. “You see, I realized Angel and I have been getting off on the wrong foot and we made up earlier today. While we were talking, he told me his dream was to someday go to the moon.” “The moon?” she asked in surprise. “That’s right. Haven’t you stared up at it at night and thought about how beautiful it looks? I guess he just wants to go up there for himself and take a look around. So I decided that to make up for everything I did, I would help make his dream come true!” Fluttershy got up and hugged him. “Oh, Discord, that’s so wonderful of you!” He grinned deviously. “It sure is. Now Fluttershy, I want this to be a surprise, so could you not mention this to anypony until it’s ready?” “I promise. I bet Angel will be so thrilled when you finish.” She then left the kitchen and went upstairs. “He’ll be something, alright.” He put a protective mask over his face and proceeded to weld his rocket. It took several days for Discord to finish his “present.” Once it was complete, he had Fluttershy gather all her little friends to her house. At sunset, she arrived at her house with her friends and Discord stepped out to greet them. “Hello, everypony! Are you guys ready for something exciting!?” “Not when you’re involved,” said Dash in an unfriendly tone. He chuckled at her and then noticed there was a seventh pony with them, causing him to grin. “Greetings to you! My name-” “I know your name is Discord, you idiot,” spat the crimson unicorn. “Well nice to meet you, too,” he said sarcastically. He actually knew who she was, but never bothered to meet her in person. She had a certain quality about her that made her stuck out and he would be sure to keep an eye on her in the future. If he remembered correctly, she chose to go by the name Cherub. “I happen to also know who you are, Cherub,” he said as he bent down to get on her eye level. “Pinkie mentions you quite a lot. I hear you like to bring some mushy-gushy love to ponies. Ain’t that cute?” He made the shape of a hearth with his fingers and a pink heart suddenly appeared in front of them. The mare lunged her head forward and ate it, greatly startling him. She chewed on it for several seconds before swallowing. “So what’s this stupid thing you’re doing? Pinkie dragged me all the way out here and it better be worth it.” “Trust me, it will!” He turned towards the house and called, “Angel! Come on out here!” The door opened and the small rabbit appeared. He hopped up to Discord and looked at him with impatient eyes. “Guess what? I have a surprise for you!” He stepped aside to show something large under a large piece of cloth, causing Angel to become excited. The draconequus went up to it and removed the cloth, showing the rocket ship underneath. “Ta-da!” Everyone but Fluttershy looked at it in confusion. “What the heck is that?” asked Spike. “A rocket ship! It goes all the way up to the moon!” “The moon? That sounds pretty impressive,” complimented Twilight. “Indeed. Now Angel’s wish can finally be fulfilled!” He snapped his fingers and placed the rabbit in a tiny space suit. Before Angel realized what was going on, he was picked up. “You see, dear Angel here has dreamed of going up to the moon. He looks up towards the night sky and says, ‘It sure looks beautiful up there. I wish I could go there and see the moon rabbits.’” The rabbit struggled as hard as he could in Discord’s unbreakable grip. “And thanks to yours truly, his wish will be granted! It is time for Angel to go where no rabbit has gone before!” “That’s very generous of you, but I can’t help but feel suspicious,” spoke Rarity. “Yes, because I’m the most suspicious character here.” He opened a door on the tiny rocket, pulled out some duct-tape, and used it to strap his victim to the rocket. “There, he’s ready for launch!” “Uh, shouldn’t he be inside the rocket since it’s got windows and everythin’?” asked Applejack. “Are you a rocket scientist?” “No, but-” “Then hush! Come on inside, everypony! It’s almost time!” After exchanging looks of uncertainty, they went inside the house and looked at Angel from the window. “Why is he moving around like that?” asked Dash, noticing the rabbit was moving around nonstop. Had Discord not put a helmet over his head, they would have seen or heard his terror. “He’s just so excited that he can hardly contain himself!” Outside, they could see the sky turning from orange to blue. “And look at the time! The moon is here for our sweet Angel! Let’s get right to it!” He snapped his fingers and created a plunger with wires that went all the way out to the rocket. “Countdown to liftoff! Five! Four!” “Bye-bye, bunny,” the matchmaker said evilly. “Three! Two! One!” He pressed it down. Celestia walked down the hall while happily humming to herself. Today had been a very easy day for her and she decided to spend some quality time with her favorite pony in the world. She opened the door to her sister’s room, finding her standing on the balcony. “Good evening, Lulu.” Luna turned towards her with a smile. “Good evening, Tia. How has this day been for you?” “It’s been great. For once, everything went pretty well without any sort of trouble.” She stood beside her and they looked down towards the land before them. “Equestria is certainly beautiful at night.” “It is. I could stare at this view forever.” “With you at my side, me too.” Luna blushed as her sister put a wing around her. “Such a perfect picture.” All of a sudden, a bright light appeared below. “Tia, what is that?” The older alicorn squinted her eyes. “Is that a fire?” They then noticed that it was steadily heading towards the sky, leaving behind a large trail of smoke. “Is…is it some sort of flying creature?” “I’ve never seen anything like it.” They watched as it climbed higher and higher with great speed, creating a larger tower of smoke. “Should we investigate?” “I think so, but we should move with caution. It could be a great dragon or-” The sky was suddenly covered with a blinding light that rivaled the sun and the air was filled with the deafening roar of a cataclysmic explosion, shaking the ground beneath their hooves and causing great gusts of wind that pushed against them and shattered all the windows in the palace. They braced against the sudden force and used their wings to shield their eyes for the fiery explosion that engulfed the night sky. Eventually, the wind stopped and they removed their wings. They could hear the faint sounds of screaming as the citizens of Canterlot ran around down below in complete panic. When they looked back at the sky, all that remained was smoke that was made into words that spelled out, “Eat at Doughnut Joe’s.” The two alicorns then looked at each other. “Discord.” Everyone looked up at the sky with their hair completely blown back and with expressions of absolute horror, except for Discord and Cherub, who both wore malicious grins, and Pinkie, who had an excited one. “Wow! That was awesome! Can we do it again!? I looked away for a second!” “DISCORD, WHAT IN THE WORLD POSSESSED YOU TO PERFORM SUCH A STUNT!?” boomed Celestia with enough force to pin him against the wall in Fluttershy’s bedroom with her voice alone. “Hey, I said I was sorry! I even fixed all the damages, so cut me some slack! It was just a harmless prank!” “Harmless!? You unleashed panic on tens of thousands of ponies who believed the world was ending!” Luna pointed a hoof. “And look at poor little Angel! You could have killed him!” “It’s not like I intended to!” he argued as he secretly dropped a tiny coffin and tombstone in the trashcan behind him. On a tiny bed was his victim, covered in a full-body cast and he had many machines and an IV attached to him. Celestia and Luna had done their best to heal him and they only needed to wait about a week before he was completely healed. “You have seriously crossed the line! Keep it up and you’ll find yourself as a statue in a deep, dark cave near the center of the world!” Celestia stormed out of the room and Discord followed her. “Come on. Don’t be like that. I was trying to be nice by helping Angel reach his goal in life. The explosion was just a mistake in my engineering.” He was met with an extremely powerful glare. “Okay, fine. That little loser disrespected me far too many times and I got even.” “I think you got many times more than even,” Celestia snapped. “I didn’t take you as the type who would actually bring pain onto others.” “Well the suit was meant to protect him. Like I said, I never intended on killing him, I just wanted to teach him a lesson.” The princess growled. “Discord, you need to learn about controlling yourself because this is absolutely not acceptable. If you were having troubles with Angel, you should have talked with Fluttershy instead of acting out. I suggest you do that next time before doing something so stupid that you find yourself all alone again.” “But…but…” He hung his head and sighed. “Okay, I’ll do it next time.” He suddenly looked up. “And I am totally honest about being sorry. I even got you a gift to show how sorry I am!” Celestia turned her head and sighed. “I am not interested in anything you could give me.” When she saw it in the corner of her eye, she immediately turned her head. “Is that Pinkie Pie’s loco-for-cocoa cake?” “You bet it is! So how about it? Do you forgive me?” Celestia suddenly took it with her magic. “I’ll consider it, but I am warning you about doing something like this again. My mercy has its limits.” “I’ll try, but it’s hard when it’s so fun and when you make that adorable face when you’re mad.” The princess scrunched her face as a tint of pink appeared on her cheeks. “Good day to you.” She then walked downstairs and out the door. Discord then noticed Luna coming out of the bedroom. “Luna, I am sorr-” She stomped on his foot with thunderous force, walking out the door without saying a word as he jumped around, yelling in pain. Once the pain faded, he went back into the bedroom. “So how’s our little astrobunny?” Fluttershy looked up at him with disappointment. “Discord, how could you do such a thing to him!? He’s just trying to be your friend and then you ended up hurting him! You’re grounded for three weeks!” He let out a laugh. “Grounded!? You honestly think you can ground the Lord of-” She suddenly flew up in his face and used her ultimate weapon. “Do you want to be grounded for four weeks!?” He put his hands up and backed away. “No, three is good!” She knelt down by her pet. “You can’t hurt your friends like that. It’s not right. As part of being grounded, you have to sleep outside and you have to be Angel’s servant, meaning you have to do whatever he asks.” Discord’s jaw dropped and hit the floor as Fluttershy walked by him. “You better be sorry and make it up to him, or else.” She then closed the door. After shaking himself out of shock, he looked at the injured bunny. “Well, we certainly had fun.” He chuckled as he got on the ground next to him. “Oh, don’t be like that. We’re pals, right?” He received a muffled response. “I’m glad you agree! I even got you something to celebrate our friendship!” He snapped his fingers and created a carrot cake, causing Angel’s eyes to grow with hunger. “Here, let’s have some right now!” He held the plate over Angel’s head and turned it upside down. He then reached down and grabbed a fistful of cake, revealing the flaming rage in Angel’s eyes. “Like I said, Angel always gets what he wants!” He broke out into powerful laughter as he stood up and flew out the window.