'The last man on earth to think that 'phoetid' is still how we humans spell that.'
Princess Celestia may be an omnipotent demi-god who holds the sun in her hooves, but that doesn't mean she knows how to put her feelings into words any better than any other pony.
Luna, seeing this, wishes to help her, with the aid of a few friends...Even if one of those friends might have tried to take over Equestria a little while ago. Hey, Changelings do survive off of love, right?
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So, this is a Twilestia or a SaL(i/e)stia?
5713760 I'm sorry, what does 'SaL(i/e)stia?' mean?
It was written as Twilestia, but with a focus on getting them together rather than them being together, if that makes sense.
Nice story you have here! Actually far better than I expected it to be. When I see a story of this length that uses all five character tags, I have to admit, I'm always skeptical; rarely is a short story able to feature five (sometimes more) characters and still be written well. You managed to do that quite well in this story, though I'm not sure if the Pinkie tag is warranted here.
It is, as you warned, littered with various grammatical errors here and there, but most errors are minor. It's nothing a good fine-toothed comb won't fix. They're peppered here and there throughout the story, though I'm not sure I could point out enough of them to be useful to you. I have tried writing stories on phones before, and the results are awful. Maybe I'm just horseapples at texting; I have trouble typing something on a phone that's even halfway coherent!
The story itself is remarkably tight and well-wrought, and the plot is nice. I enjoyed reading it for the most part, save one particular passage:
Y'know, I was expecting a much more blow-up-in-your-face type of climactic interaction between Twilight and Chrysalis, but instead, I'm left with a measly handful of lines that combine to form something of an anti-climax. I know that this can contribute to the humor, but considering how much you build up to this moment, it's just a little disappointing.
Last thing: This story is quite concise, remarkably so, and that's a good thing. It means you're not wasting your readers' time on excessive description or irrelevant side plots. But there is something to be said about too little description, and I feel like this story suffers a bit from it. Dialogue can advance a story, but so can description. Consider how many one-line paragraphs you have that are nothing more than a line of dialogue. This, in of itself, isn't a bad thing, but it can be a hint that you're lending too much weight to dialogue. I, for one, was aching for more description and less talking in this story.
Well, that's what I've got! I quite enjoyed the story, so don't let my criticisms take you too far down. Good luck in the contest!
5713810 Twilight x Celesta & Twilight x Chrysalis
i have only one issue with this and that is that omnipotent implies omniscient as well, which would mean celestia either cant be omnipotent or can not actually have this issue... but that is me being ridiculously nit-picky, and the story itself was fantastic so, have a favorite, as well as a like and a
, they were well earned
The story felt as though it had no depth even though it could have had some as some things about the Changeling Queen was mentioned...and never brought up again and also didn't affect the story one bit. The Changeling Queen could have been literally anypony else with magic powers since they would have had to hide anyway. Also you put two adverbs next to each other. That looked terrible. I would just say to never do that again.
5713825
Firstly, I thank you for taking the time to write that page!
Now, the various grammatical and such mistakes I intend to sort as soon as I can't remember the entire story off the top of my head. That way it'll look fresh, and mistakes will stand out more. I should probably use a more powerful mobile word-processor, then it'd flag it up for me.
Ah, the climax. I'd run dry on time, having to write the last thousand or so words in no time at all so I could submit before the deadline. I agree that it felt...Well...Empty. I could have been better, and I'll make that a point to work on a lot in the future. I don't even know what I was trying to go for there- guess I should plan a bit more next time. It was meant to feel a little awkward to somewhat reflect Chrysalis' position, but I'm basically bad at making things work satisfyingly in those central parts without a wall of speech.
And then dialogue. I have a problem with that. Always have, no matter the context. Once it starts, I feel the need to explain more through it. This, believe it or not, was not supposed to be a speech-heavy story. I do tend to wander in my writing though, so I shall keep a stern eye on that from now on.
All in all, I'm glad you enjoyed it
And don't worry none about the criticisms- They're only useful!
5714894
?! 
I'm honored, truly.
Kinda have it in my head that being all-powerful doesn't make you all-knowing. Guess it's just more fun to see those that can shape the world with a mere thought going through the same things everyone else has to. Oh, and a
5716048
I agree it missed out entirely on a lot of depth, mainly due to my poor time-management and the fact I just didn't have the ideas. Using Chrysalis was just done on a whim as I felt like using a lesser-explored character and I like her. If I'd taken a bit more time to finish, there would have been a few changes, though I don't think they could fix it properly. During the writing of the story, I wasn't too sure about a lot of things, so I just went with them. Lessons to be learned there, methinks. About the double adverbs, whereabouts was that? I'll be cleaning it all up a little soon.
5714640
Ah, right, thanks:P Yeah, Twilestia.
5722266 fair enough, and i do agree that i prefer them like that, even in religions, i truthfully prefer the old multi-deity religions over the 1 omnipotent god of the Abrahamic religions (ie, Christian, Jewish, Muslim)
5722266
I almost can't fathom why this got 39 likes. It's not like you got 1000 followers. You got 11.
5722292
Yup, gotta love some Godly turmoil, especially the more comedic parts:)
5723281
You're entirely right and I'm not sure what I was thinking when I wrote that. I've removed the 'strangely' so it sounds bit more natural. Well, I'm not complaining 'bout the likes! I'll let people do what they want.
Heheh, nice, a very cute and funny little fic, lovely addition to our contest to be sure.
A couple things before I get to the meat of my review:
imoviequotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/102-Horrible-Bosses-quotes.gif
Oh dear... so it's like...
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/28900000/Nala-pins-Simba-the-lion-king-28921682-585-324.png
AHHHHHHHHHHH, TOO CUTE, WHY YOU MAKE SUCH A CUTE IMAGE IN MY HEAD?!?!?!?!?
Overall, like I said, I enjoyed this. I'm NOT a fan of Chrysalis being portrayed as coexisting with the ponies since she's such a malicious character, BUT I gave that a pass here largely for the same reason I give it a pass with FlufflePuff, that being, this was light fluff. It was sweet, cute, funny, not an overly serious fic, so Chrsyalis's presence wasn't terribly distracting, plus at least you wrote her somewhat realistically in the sense that she was blackmailed into helping by Luna, not actually wanting to help in the first place. I liked that. Pinkie's presence was random, but she was written well, and I would've liked to see more of Twilight and Celestia (even though I'm not a huge fan of that ship), but for what it is, this is a lovely fic, and thank you for taking the time to write it for our contest shardikku.
Snrk, good job, Chryssie!