• Member Since 13th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen July 11th

TheSexyMenhir



T
Source

“You are hereby invited to the wedding of her royal majesty Princess Celestia of Equestria.”

Strange, as far as Twilight Sparkle was aware, Celestia didn't even have a special somepony let alone a fiancè. Well here's the good news: She doesn't have a special somepony. Bad News: Chrysalis isn't a pony.


What happened between the Goddess of the Sun and the Conduit of the Swarm-mind? Is it just another plot to take over Canterlot, or might there be more under the carapace of the queen than anybody expected? Well, we'll never find out if nobody stops her and Twilight from killing each other first...

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Click the little source thingie under the cover image cause Karzahnii is an awesome guy.

Also special thanks to Wise Cracker, and MrJoshy, who always endure me pestering them with my story. :P

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 366 )

Now that's a twist.:pinkiesmile:

To all the guys out there clicking the dislike button: I'm allways eager to improve my writing, so leave me a comment telling me what your beef with the story is. Much obliged.

I expect to see more from this, well done :pinkiesmile:

FINALLY, an author that calls them by their title!!

Though I made a mistake in previous posts in other stories. The term "Lady" is used for the WIFE of the knight or a landowner. For female knights (which the Mane 6 are), the term is "Dame".

This is going to be freaking awesome:pinkiehappy:. I especially loved the list of things twilight has faced: "I’ve had to face an ancient goddess, the avatar of chaos, one of the largest beasts known to ponykind, a mad tyrant possessed by the power of darkness, a invasion of shapeshifters and Pinkie Pie:pinkiecrazy:". I shall follow this and rate + if you shall continue it, deal? (Still going to do both anyways so no need to respond).

The cyan pegasus stallion in particular seemed to harbor some sort of Ill will towards him.

As far as I’m aware, RD is not a male. Also, you have ‘ill’ capitalized when it shouldn’t be.

Now that that's out of the way, this should be a fun read. I quite liked that little bit of Twilight drinking to keep her stress manageable, it seems like something she would do.

Hmm... Things do seem a little rushed at the moment. I don't know if you're just trying to blaze through the introduction to get to the good parts, but I feel like slowing things down a little would be very beneficial. It's actually kind of odd. You're really not lacking for descriptions, but things still seem fast.

There are also a number of spelling and grammar issues, though several have already been pointed out. It's just little things, like misplaced capitalization, but it's still somewhat disruptive.

Anyway, it's hard to really criticize when the stories barely out of the starting gate, so I think I'll wait until the next chapter to write up any sort of proper review. You have captured my interest, now let's just hope things don't get too violent next chapter.

1886740
I'm going to have to agree and respectfully disagree with this comment here if that's alright. Yes it is fast because we're essentially skipping straight to the action, but I actually disagree about the slowing down bit (sorta). From the description of the story I gathered the plot would revolve around Chrysalis potentially being evil, this potentially being a plot, and the Chrysalis-Twilight interaction so to me, all that's really needed is a single chapter to set up everything after which how Celestia got together with Chrysalis will be revealed as well as all that other romance stuff. So from my perspective, the pacing is fine and actually having a slower opening would be detrimental as it'd drag out the fic too much before it got to the meat of the story.

So back to the original question about pacing. Does it need to slow down? Well yeah, but I think it'd naturally slow down rather than needing to slow it down further (if that made any sense). Is the beginning fast? Yes, but necessarily so in my opinion. Of course I'm a fan of the "sink or swim" first chapter so my openings tend to just toss readers in the deep end and see what happens.

Anyways, yes, it's a tad too early to write a proper review so I too will be withholding judgement for now, but this fic looks promising.

Said: “Girls! Into formation!”
Unsaid: "My beloved is about to be stolen from my hooves! We must send the fiend to the Moon!"

Good News: Twilight Sparkle got her Princess a gift for the wedding
Bad News: It's a statue of the Groom.
Worse News: The statue really is the Groom

1885946 Uhm... yeah... that's totally what I was going for here xD but seriously I think I'll use 'dame' in the chapters to come ^^
1886599 Aaaand you've killed the joke. Thank you...
1886375 Since there's a enourmous (relativly) amount of people following this story, I think I'll continue writing. If only to avoid a lynchmob forming :P
1885482 That's not Twist, that's Chrysalis you silly :pinkiehappy: *rimshot*

1887704 You're quite welcome. :twilightsmile: It's what I'm here for.

1887704
Oh, bravo. A lover of puns, eh?

Well, then... :rainbowdetermined2: This should be interesting.

Curse you cliff hanger! You and your cliff hanging! Great story! I like it! I want to read more!:pinkiehappy:

I hope you continue and will there be constant updates. :moustache:

And after the jaws hit the floor (there's a typo there, BTW), you can hear a pin drop.
(In fact, I expect to see Pinkie actually dropping a pin sometime in this story)

iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/147885%20-%20animated%20go_on%20its_about_time%20macro%20pinkie_pie.gif

1903301 Dear Sir,
Your superior semantics have convinced me, to continue in my endeavor of bringing you entertainment and amusement.

srsly though glad that you like it ^^

i was kind of hoping for a journey into celestias mind :fluttershysad: but still looking forward to the future

I upvoted and faved this before I even read it. That's how awesome it is
it's like the awesome
is seeping out
through the cracks
in the internet
and drawing me to it

Interesting, I look forward to more chapters :pinkiehappy:

1904906 Not to spoil anything, but if an author spents about half an chapter to set up an climax of roughly 50 words, this might seem suspicious to some :P
1905072 hmmm? Oh, that's just the mind control virus, pay no attention to it

Profit achieved hopefully ^^ Now I must say that the amount of story you have written is insufficient and you must provide MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!:pinkiegasp:

the columbia blue pegasus

god finally somebody else who uses the right name for her coat color

Ho, boy... This spell, with it's "altering thoughts, memories, and personality" ability... could be really, really bad for Chrysalis. If Twi just did what I think she did... then she stooped to the level of Discord here! With the tags being as they are, though, my hope that she'll learn from this and correct her mistake--if it is what I'm thinking!--doesn't seem too naive.

((Dun'no if you actually think what you wrote, but I (too) think Discord reforming is ridiculous.))

Love the story so far. Really interesting story idea that, to my knowledge, no one has done before.

Keep up the good work!

Also: Royal Republic :twilightsheepish:

Why do I get the feeling that Twilight just royally screwed over Chrysalis? :fluttershysad:

Anyway, another solid chapter with lots of laughs, and some nice cuteness between the royals. :twilightsmile: I also appreciated the little jabs at the source, which I think were well-deserved.

This was a funny chapter. I could easily imagine the scene where Celestia is sipping her tea watching spells and other things (Spike) fly across the room:rainbowlaugh:. I also liked the poker game and the insightful Pinkie Pie:pinkiegasp:. Keep on updating.

The idea sounded nearly as absurd as reforming Discord

Nice reference to the next episode, there.

The idea sounded nearly as absurd as reforming Discord. at 19.01.2013 on Hub :twilightsmile:

1915462 a very dapper combination that's sure to be the star of this years fashion shows
1905895 damn, that was fast. Curse you Interwebs and your endless suply of people with random trivia knowledge!

This story is amazing, I implore you to continue good sir.:moustache:

WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?!?!?

Spike vs. Changelings at poker. :rainbowlaugh:

Very good. Keep it up.

Well, I thought all the parts with the changelings and Spike were funny. :pinkiehappy:

You are to hard on self, jokes was good even that little with tables ;p

I would just like to say that this is an amazing story. I still can't picture Celestia and Chrysalis together, but a good story none the less.:twilightsmile:

Well, comedy (obviously?) isn't the focus of this story, but what jokes there are, are funny, and they appear frequent enough to keep the tag, IMO.

Anyway, interesting "bait and switch" with mind reading & altering spell, since it (appears) Twi didn't do anything to Cele's memories or relationship to Chrysalis. Normally something like that would be annoying, especially so early in the story, but you pulled it off well, making me feel a little ashamed and thinking "I should have trusted Twilight more than that." Beautiful maneuver!

The future spike problem thing again:facehoof:, when will he learn. Also, do I even want to guess what the cake part meant...... most likely not.

I'm liking the content of the story so far, but you desperately need an editor. Improper punctuation for dialogue, possessives that look like plurals, plain improper word choice, things that are capitalized when they shouldn't be and vice versa, it's a mess.

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