//------------------------------//
// The Cart Before The Ponies 
// Story: Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by milesprower06 
//------------------------------//

Additional contributions by MixMassBasher





Dear Miss Cheerilee,

How often has real physics ever played a part in our show? You should be teaching them "real" physics.

Master of cartoon physics,
Pinkie Pie





Dear Pinkie Pie,

If we used "real" physics, I highly doubt any of us, you most of all, would be here right now.

Is that what you really want?

-Cheerilee





Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Why couldn't you be here to start the event with you being the princess of friendship with benefits and all?

Signed,
Miss Cheerileeder





Dear Miss Cheerileeder,

Blame my stupidass mentor. This time Princess Celestia wanted me to go and help to with the friendship summit between the dragons. What the actual fuck!

Signed,
Twilight Sparkle

P.S. I can pull off that cheerleader outfit better.





Dear Dinky,

Don't join the derby this year my little muffin. Let your brother Clumsy Hooves do it. Nopony knows your brother and I are related yet.... Cause there may be a certain stir crazed white unicorn who may be after you as I won 1st place for creativity in the Applewood Derby not too long ago...

I just don't know what went wrong...

Queen of the Derpy Derby,
Derpy/Ditzy Doo/Bright Eyes/Muffins....

Dammit Hasbro!!!





Dear Rarity,

See you in last place you overgrown marshmallow!!! I'm We're taking first place for sure!!!

The Fast and The Furious,
Rainbow Dash & Scootaloo





Dear Rainbow Dash,

Remember The Running of the Leaves? We tied for last that time. I highly doubt you'll win this time. And I'll We're be winning with the most traditional cart.

Applejack & Apple Bloom





Dear Applejack,

While I can agree to the notion of the need to uphold tradition... Get with the times!! It's all about the now, the wow and the pow!!!
I'll We'll be win for sure with my our magnificent cart.

Rarity & Sweetie Belle





Dear CMC,

My advice would be to just switch with each other just before the derby started. I'd doubt your sisters would notice at all with them being wrapped up in their own disillusion of glory. Problem solved and the competition will be equal and fair for each and every pony.

Your Friend,
Starlight Glimmer





Dear Starlight,

Are you kidding? Fair? This is cart racing. It's not about fair. It's about whipping out the red shells on the last quarter of the last lap.

-CMC





THE FOAL FREE PRESS
CRAZY CART RACE CRASHED!!!

The recent Applewood Derby has had seen better days.... The race started out without a problem before the inevitable collision between three carts. Carts were overturned and broken beyond repair, many foals were injured and there were a lot of disgruntled fans on the race being delayed. The reason? Well, you can thank three ponies for that... whom shall remain unnamed despite our better judgement and also the improper mapping of the race itself. Seriously why in Tartarus is the roads crisscrossed? Well... at least this crash wasn't caused by Pokemare Go players this time... What's with that anyway? Everypony knows Ponymon Tamers is the best!

-Guilbloom, Terrierbelle, and Renaloo





Those celestia-damn blue shells crashed our carts!!!

-Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity





They. Are! Not! Your!! CARTS!!!

-CMC





Dear Rainbow Dash,

It's go cart racing not bumper cars. Are you trying to get somepony killed?

Annoyed,
Miss Cheerileeder





Dear Spectators,

What the hell was that? We rehearsed this. It's Giddyup DERPY racers, not derby racers! This is going to be my brand!

Sincerely,
Derpy Hooves





Dear "Derpy",

Not according to Hasbro. Stick to baking goods.

Of the muffin variety.

Sincerely,
Derby Race Spectators