//------------------------------//
// The Last Crusade 
// Story: Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by milesprower06 
//------------------------------//

Dear Diary,

So today my parents come home out of the blue and decide they want to force me to move down to Destination Fucked.

How about fuck that?

Why can’t they just stay here and tame Ponyville’s most dangerous creature?

I am, of course, referring to Princess Twilight.





Dear Mom and Dad,

Look, I've already told my friends that you're some of 'those' ponies. So let me give it to you straight. I'm not going to move down to where the spiders are so big they have health bars, just because you think Equestria is going to get worse when there's a change of rulers.

So buzz off, both of you.

Sincerely,
Scootaloo





Dear Scootaloo,

Look sweetheart, trust us. When Twilight Sparkle takes over in Canterlot, this country is going to be fucked.

Probably figuratively and literally.

You don't want to be anywhere near Equestria in a few months.

But hey, if you want to take a very real chance of being part of that harlot's harem, knock yourself out.

Good luck,
Mom and Dad





THE FOAL FREE PRESS
PROTESTERS STORM CANTERLOT CASTLE

Canterlotan protesters surrounded and trespassed into Canterlot Castle when news first broke that Princess Twilight would be taking the place of Princesses Celestia and Luna on the throne.

"Keep that hopeless whore in Ponyville where she belongs!" Yelled Sassy Saddles as she crossed into the castle hallways with the crowd.

In addition to those who want to keep Celestia and Luna in town, there are widespread rumors of those who believe that Luna has been secretly plotting to return as Nightmare Moon again. These 'neo nightsie' cultists are ready to serve their eternal night princess upon her inevitable return.

Princess Luna has completely denied these rumors.

"Look, in a way, I've already sort of taken a millennium-long vacation. While my sister is planning on retiring and creating a sitcom titled 'Sunny in Fillydelphia', I'm going to continue dreamwalking from my 'Marelago' resort down south, while also frequently sending pamphlets out containing my thoughts and feedback on the next castle administration for all my loyal totally not-neo-nightsie followers to read and digest."

In this reporter's unbiased opinion, we here in Ponyville don't really care that a tree-shaped crystal castle popped out of the ground just a few years ago for her; get her the fuck out of town. It's time to take her back, Canterlot. That's where she came from in the first place.