//------------------------------// // The Cutie Re-Mark // Story: Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student // by milesprower06 //------------------------------// Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student by milesprower06 and MixMassBasher The Cutie Re-Mark Dear Twilight, So you're saying after going through all these timelines, that there wasn't a single instance of you just not showing up to Ponyville, and the rest of us living happy lives? Bullshit. Sincerely, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity Dear Twilight Sparkle, The easiest solution was to terminate Starlight's younger self before doing all that shit. Hasta la Vista to the bitch. Sincerely, Arnold Schwarzenegger Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 Dear Starlight Glimmer, I'm terribly sorry for what happened to you. Every year, we send out school recruiters to see if there's any potential students whose parents cannot afford to bring them to the entrance exam. We must have missed you. So, I hereby invite you to enroll in my School For Gifted Unicorns. Sincerely, Princess Celestia Dear Sunbutt, Get lost, bitch. This one is mine. -Twilight Dear Starlight Glimmer, You are hereby invited to enroll in Twilight's School for Sexy Unicorns. Classes are held in my quarters. Starting tonight. Sincerely, Princess Twilight Sparkle Dear Twilight, Well, since I'm going to be living here now, may I offer you a little advice? Hire some castle guards. You have no idea how easy it was for me to get in here. And no, I didn't spend the entire time reclining on Fluttershy's chair. I went through your entire lingerie drawer. Please seek help. Your new student, Starlight Glimmer Dear Starlight, Yeah, I'll get right on that. I've also noticed some peculiar naming conventions among those ponies whom Celestia either doesn't notice, or fails out of her school. So I'd like you to keep an eye on her school's enrollment sheets for anypony named Seafood Dinner. I'm pretty sure they'll be the next student here. -Twilight Dear Sunburst, What gives? Why did you completely ignore me after you got your mark? We were best friends. We were supposed to grow up and fall in love and get married and have a cute foal and call him Starburst. They'd grow up to make the most delicious candy. -Starlight Glimmer Dear Starbright Grammar, I'm sorry, do I know you? Sincerely, Sunburst Dear Starlight Homewrecker, Hey, you. Twilight's first true student here. Hooves off. Twilight is mine, you hear me? If not, you're gonna find out what my foot plus your ass "equals." Your first and only warning, Sunset Shimmer P.S. Yes, both versions of her are mine, you tattoo-stealing tramp. Dear Filly Twilight Sparkle, I don't have much time. In the future Princess Bitchlestia causes us to live in a backwater town called Ponyville. I have idiot friends to help cheer me up. Please whatever you do, don't go for that examin-