Sparkle's No. 1 Assistant
Loyalty Mission 2: Neon Element
Pt. 4
By Wanderer D
The night was ablaze with lights and fireworks. The Canterlot Arena was by no means a small venue, and that night it was packed. Ten of the most known DJs would be blasting the crowds with music and flair, making them stomp their hooves and shake their bodies to the rhythm they created with magic, LPs and sheer skill.
And if Twilight and her friends failed, a sour group of ponies would be blasting the crowds with far more explosive material.
So there was no pressure.
"Okay everypony," Twilight called. "Pay attention. We're ready to head into a potentially deadly situation. Vinyl Scratch is already inside, getting ready, so presumably she's drawing the attention of our enemies." She levitated several pictures and held them, floating, in front of her team. "These are Riff, Vocal Scale, Deep Bass and Brass Valve. These are our enemies. Non-deadly combat is expected, so always remember that the princess frowns on deadly force. However, crippling injuries can sometimes be healed."
Rarity raised her hoof.
"Yes, Rarity?"
"Are you suggesting we cripple our enemies?"
"I'm saying crippling injuries can sometimes be healed. Death can't."
Rarity lowered her hoof.
"Now, the teams." Twilight pointed at Rarity and Octavia. "Team one, you will incapacitate or cripple Deep Bass and Brass Valve, who are in charge of flooding the arena."
The pair nodded, readying their weapons.
"Team two will be Wrex and I. We'll take care of the explosives, so that means we'll be up against Riff and Vocal Scale."
Octavia raised her hoof.
"Yes, Tavi?"
"Are you sure you and Wrex should be handling the explosives?"
Twilight nodded. "We have the most experience with them."
"But I thought the objective was for them to not blow the arena up into pieces?"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "We know how to avoid that. Have some faith."
"And keep your radios on, in case faith is not enough," Wrex added.
Octavia lowered her hoof.
"Ugh, this place is filthy!" Rarity whined, lifting up an armored hoof to show some slime sliding down and splatting on the floor to Octavia.
"Well, if you had designed your own armor, it would be getting dirty too," Octavia pointed out.
Rarity's face scrunched up and she shuddered. "Maybe I spoke too soon. Maybe I should keep this lovely, efficient, non-designer armor for now, until I understand the materials better."
Octavia smirked. "Maybe you should."
Deep Bass and Brass Valve stared at the mass of metal pipes, valves and levers in front of them with something akin to awe.
"I never knew..." Brass Valve sniffed. "That there were so many pipes in one single place. Their metal frames perfectly capable of containing sweet, sweet sounds, but used instead to move water." She shook her head and brushed away a tear. "This is a travesty. We need to liberate the water, flood the arena and finally get rid of that... that mare!"
"Hush, dear," Deep Bass urged, placing a comforting hoof on her shoulder. "The Betrayer will be punished for her deed, and her existence erased from concerts forevermore." He valiantly turned around a large wheel, watching in satisfaction as one of the gauges started turning towards red.
"Oh, Deep!" She swayed, leaning on to him. "My deep, Deep Bass, how could I ever blow a pipe again without you?" She nuzzled him. "Or any other musical instrument?"
"Ahem."
The pair immediately separated and turned to stare at the two mares in strange armor that had shown up at the entrance to the water main.
"W-who are you?" Deep Brass stammered. "You are not authorized to be here! This is a restricted area!"
"That's true, darling," Rarity agreed, levitating several knives. "And it is you who is trespassing."
"Quick!" Deep Bass shouted, "Turn all the other levers!"
Brass Valve shot off in the direction of the several wheels and levers, but just as she was about to get to one, a knife embedded through it and stuck to the wall. "Eep!"
Deep Brass had attempted to roll another of the wheels, but a loud CRACK! echoed in the room, and the metal part was suddenly missing a whole section. Slowly, and still holding in his hoof the other side, he turned around, looking at Octavia's Widow with wide eyes.
Another CRACK resounded in the room and he flinched, then forced to turn when he heard the sound of a wheel turning. The one that he had closed earlier had rolled the opposite direction behind him.
Slowly, and keeping his eyes on Octavia, he raised his hooves, balancing precariously on his hind legs.
"You will never stop us!" He shouted, some of his courage returning. "We will rid Equestria of Vinyl Scr—"
Whatever he was going to say was violently interrupted when the wheel behind him shot out and smacked him in the back.
Octavia raised an eyebrow at Rarity, who shrugged while holding a knife to Valve's neck. "He'll live."
"Wrex."
"Sparkle."
"I think we found them."
"Ehehehe..."
"Let's party!"
"Ladies and Gentlecolts! Viiiiinyyyyl Scratch!"
The crowd roared as Vinyl jumped on stage, getting behind her turntable and beginning her show with booming soundwaves from her speakers. "Get your hooves up, CANTERLOT!" she shouted onto the mic, her voice echoing over the raving ponies as her music pumped so hard that most ponies in the crowd felt like they had just discovered brand new heartbeats inside themselves.
The giant screen behind her was alight with swirling colors, replaced from time to time with full-screen image of herself headbanging to her music. It was during one of those that the part of the screen showing her sunglasses exploded out and two shapes came crashing onto the stage.
Eyes widening behind her sunglasses, Vinyl quickly took stock of the situation and the shocked looks of the ponies as the music paused. No. This would not do.
Her magic flared as the two unicorns, Twilight Sparkle and Vocal Scale stood up slowly. The lights went off. A beat started shaking the air and suddenly the lights flared as the music exploded just at the same instant Twilight and Vocal jumped at each other.
The crowd roared their approval as the lights flashed on and off, making it seem like both unicorns were moving in slow motion as they fought each other. The crowd was loving it, a complete rave-y feeling was building up as the ponies off-stage started jumping up and down with the beat, hooves in the air and whooping and cheering as the two 'dancers' on stage dodged and twirled, using magic to toss elemental spells at each other.
And then, when she stopped and the lights went off again, Vocal Scale threw a gigantic fireball spiraling down the stage towards Twilight Sparkle. Since everything else was pitch-black it looked even more imposing, but, where Twilight stood, an ethereal orange glow surrounded her hoof snapping into some sort of pointy blade of energy, and the crowd gasped and laughed in awe when instead of blocking the fireball with a shield, or dodging, Twilight went through it cutting it in half with her strange magical blade and using the momentum to smash her other, armored hoof, onto Vocal's face.
The male unicorn was sent flying back and landed like a sack of potatoes on the stage, sliding back a little, coming to a stop in time to have another pony land on top of him.
Vinyl looked up to see the grinning Wrex jump down and land heavily next to Twilight, giving Celestia's student a hoofbump.
The crowd was still roaring while they picked up their opponents, bowed and left the stage.
"And we would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for your meddling psychopath friend and her... her.... dinosaur!" Riff shouted as the police officer threw him into the wagon with the other band members.
"Take him away officer, and once they're locked up, send me the key. I'll make sure it's never found." Twilight said.
The police pony gave her a look and shook his head before signalling the others to pull out.
"Twilight!" Rarity and Octavia rushed up to her. "Are you alright, darling?" Rarity asked, grimacing at the singed mane. "I heard you forced your way through a fireball! Did you get hurt?"
"Nah, I'm fine," Twilight shrugged. "I could have taken him quicker, but then Vinyl wouldn't have had some awesome material happening on stage, live."
Vinyl rubbed her temple. "Next time, can I have some forewarning? I had to change my whole act so that ponies didn't panic!"
Twilight smirked. "I'll try."
"That wasn't too bad, Twilight," Wrex acknowledged. "With that much destruction to property, even Shepard would be proud, but he would also do one more thing." He nodded to the ponies in suit walking angrily towards them.
Twilight blinked. Then blinked again as she caught on. "Oh!"
"Who is responsible for all of this!?" The taller of the suited ponies asked angrily. "We never agreed to have our screen destroyed for a concert! I'm going to sue--"
"It was destroyed to apprehend dangerous criminals which were going to destroy your building and then flood it, potentially murdering several hundred ponies in the process," Twilight interrupted. "In fact, thanks to our interruption, you still have an arena at all."
The pony sputtered for a moment. "And who the hell are you ponies?!"
Twilight smiled. "I'm Commander Sparkle, and this is my team." She leaned forward, glaring at him straight in the eyes. "And we don't appreciate lack of gratitude."
The pony cringed and stepped back, looking away nervously and rubbing his foreleg through the suit. "But... who's going to pay for the damage? That screen is not cheap!"
"It's cheaper than the lives we saved," Twilight snapped. "If you still have a problem, bring it up with the crown."
"Couldn't the Royal Guard have taken care of this?" The pony tried one last feeble attempt at complaining.
Wrex started laughing.
Dear Princess Celestia,
As you are aware, we of the Royal Guard have a long, proud tradition of protecting our beloved Equestria from the until now admittedly few threats it has faced. We go through drills and constant training to hone our skills and be able to stand proud at your side as an example of unity, harmony and reliability.
Your Majesty, I implore you to please have a talk with my sister and Wrex about laughing like drunk hyenas whenever someone questions whether the Royal Guard could have done a better job than her crew of mercenaries. Especially on National Television. It's disrespectful and made at least one rookie (a young lad named Flash Sentry) break down crying in shame.
It might be true that we have not faced any serious threat in the last nine hundred years and that our armor is made of tin, spray-painted to look like gold, and that two of our best were smacked around by Nightmare Moon like they weren't even there, but we are ponies that are proud to be of service to Crown and Country, and I'm sure I'll even learn to use shields to do other things besides shielding.
So, again, I implore you, please ask Wrex and Twily to not embarrass us constantly.
Your Captain of the Guard,
Shining Armor
Celestia put the letter that had suddenly appeared next to her down next to her bed. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Wrex. You can stop laughing now."
Cry some more, Shining Armor! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
CRAI SOME MOAR! And remember, Corpses are Incapacitated, or Crippled. So really, a kill-on-sight order might have saved a little more carnage. Then the report just says: "We were unable to incapacitate without lethal force."
whats next, twilight going to push for a SPECTER program for equestria?
also shiny, urdnot wrex is laughing at you, you don't cry you say thank you sir!
You have nopony to blame but yourself, Shining. The Equestrian Royal Guard makes the UFP Starfleet Security look competent... and for an organization that feels it's okay to aim their rifles at their friends because 'the safety's on' is an achievement!
(( Hint: The part I'm mentioning starts at 6:50 ))
Dear Captain Armor,
How about instead of whining about your baby sister and Wrex out shining the Royal Guard in every way possible, you and the guard train to stop being an embarrassment to this country.
Your extremely disappointed ruler,
Princess Celestia
We love you Wandy!
Flash's tears are my Vodka martinis!
i.ytimg.com/vi/T_aEdESVdQs/hqdefault.jpg
Just add "Seal of approval" and done!
Mass Effect?
That's just too rich and awesome, I love how you write the synergy between Wrex and Twilight, it feels so natural and is genuinely funny :)
I'll stay tuned for the next chapter for sure! :)
Well, I agree. The Royal Guard DOES look like a group of paper-thin canon fodder pansies.
i.imgur.com/PijPq7z.gif
Poor Shiny. Too much crying at weddings.
Yep. Pretty sure this universe's version of Shepherd was Renegade for Life. Good stuff. Also, major props to Vinyl for handling Twily's surprise gift so well.
This story continues to dole out humor and awesomeness in equal measure, and I can't get enough of it. Glad to hear that more is on the way.
I can't stop laughing whenever I read the new chapters for this story...
Wrex has COMPLETELY corrupted Twilight now and it is glorious. Also, Flash Sentry bashing is the best.
Twilight Sparkle and Vocal Scale stood slowly up
1. Isn't it normally Slowly stood up? Or is this another expression I'm unaware of?
Best way to keep fit and alert on the job? Constant training with dangerous weapons and most importantly... Have fun. No one get incompetent on a job they're having fun in.
This... this... oh my.
If this is how you come out of writer's block, maybe you should have some small ones on a regular basis :)
I think I died. Never has Rarity's voice fit better in a fanfic. And then in this one of all of them.
And Commander Sparkle is still best Shepard.
And Celestia finally got some quality time again I see. Good for her.
6109593 Yes, I take the blame for that one (and all other mistakes). This is why editors are important: they'll catch my little ESL tendencies and make them more readable.
HAHAHA oh wrex, NEVER change
Poor Shining Armor. It's not his fault that he's the leader of a largely ornamental armed force.
In any case, props to Vinyl for the improvisation. The show must go on.
6107390
Celestia sighed. "I swear, it's like dealing with foals."
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
6107390 Oh snap!
I'm laughing my ass off reading this story. Keep it up!
I don't understand how I missed this fic! After all the banter we had about Wrex, I shoulda jumped on this right away!
i wonder what is luna view about the new elements and their total disregard for common sense
Excellent. Simply excellent. Loving the characterization here, the action scenes are solid, all around just a fun read.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Which is superior to if it were made of real gold. Lighter and harder to damage and penetrate.
i would take the tin armour rather than gold
7560597 but often in magic worlds gold takes enchantments very well
8079793 depends on the enchantment and the skill of the enchanter, but as a general rule, crystals make far better holders of magic.
Ok seeing im a woman that loves details, are the characters a stage 2 anthropomorphic?
9306501 nope.
7560597
Better than crystal armor...unless that stuffs easily enchanted,I forsee LOTS of glass shards... then again....guess actual Gold armor would be easily enchanted as well really...one spell could easily make it diamond hard ,another spell for light weight. Ect...
I feel like there a words here that don't belong here.
How? How have I not read this before?
This is one of my favorite parts of this story.
That ending had me in stitches.
Celestia got her favorit Bootycall
Wrex should trained the Royal Guard. If the Royal Guard is down to less than 2000, only the truly capable Guard make it.
Capable not to shot themself in the Face, do to not checking for Gun safety and unloading the gun before cleaning it...
I'm laughing always when Wrex do... I wonder why...
10081449
Dito
6107083
The only thing royal about them is their ways of fucking things up...
9698089
It's usualy so in many Authors lore.
9306501
No antro. But i guess ponys are often depicted as being less likely to be on their hind legs. More of a Changeling thing
6128775
It might taken 6 years to find this story but...
Welcome to the Club ♡
6107118
Damn right you are!
6107390
Perfect replay to the Letter
6107662
Yep a effect that manipulates mass
6109055
Not corrupted, improved or upgraded
6109922
Objection! Commander (insert any gender) Shepard is best Shepard!
Why didn't you do it yourself? I thought she was your L.S.B.F.F.
....are you failed musicians or cultists?
If you wanna call that living
they are quite useless aren't they
Royal Guard? They sure screw up royal overall here...
Actually there was that one time Cerberus raised Shepard from the dead... Just saying.
To be fair, on canon the royal guard armored ponies always had extreme circumstances to face:
Nightmare Moon - a Alicorn
Changeling invasion - Shape-shifting enemys
Discord - God of Chaos
Sombra - A Unicorn powerful enough to fight Alicorns
Tirek - Literally to dangerous to fight so they plan to hide Alicorn magic