Intermission
Dear Twilight,
Your brother, Shining Armor has made a request I believe to be a very good idea.
The Royal Guard has a specially designed Training Ground Northeast of Canterlot which will be an ideal place for a joint exercise between your team and a squadron composed of soldiers hoof-picked by Shining himself.
This exercise will hopefully foster better relations between the two of you, and a deeper and more respectful understanding of where both groups stand in the grand scheme of things.
As such, I am extending the invitation to you.
Shining Armor has expressed his utmost confidence in the results, and is convinced that the exercise will really change your view on them.
Your Mentor,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
We accept. I will gather the team. I'm afraid Derpy is currently busy, but Rainbow Dash has agreed to be part of this mission although she hasn't really been inducted into the team properly. I have yet to find the right motivation for her to become a full member, but her loyalty to us as friends at least, is without question.
Your faithful student,
Commander Sparkle
Dear Shiny,
You know this will not end well for you.
~Twilight.
Dear Twily,
I'll see you in the battlefield. You and your group of miscreants will learn to respect the Royal Guard the hard way. I will not pull my punches just because you're my little sister. You need to learn your place.
~Shining Armor
PS: Mom says that you need to write her more often. Dad sends his love.
The training grounds were a large field with small hills, a lake and a small fortress in the center of a moat. Two camps had been erected in opposite sides of the field, one flying the Banner of the Sun, and the other camp a black, white and red banner with the N7 logo on it.
Shining Armor glared in the direction of the latter with distaste before turning around to face his troops, which were standing at attention. "Alright! We have our orders! We will show those miscreants that the Royal Guard is nothing to laugh at!" he roared, pacing purposefully in front of them. "We are The Royal Guard! We protect Equestria! We have been trained to do so! We have a Chain of Command! We have rules and regulations and a proper way to do things that "Commander Sparkle" doesn't! We won't only win this small match, we will utterly devastate them with our superior training."
He cleared his throat. "Remember that the only indication of a soldier of either side being 'down' is if they are stunned or unconscious, or alternatively if they surrender. So unicorns, make sure your spells are selected accordingly, pegasi and earth ponies, your weapons will be blunt, but do be careful not to damage somepony too badly."
He took a deep breath and glared at all the ponies in front of him. "The objective of the operation is two-fold! We need to take over the fort, which will be defended by a group of ponies from the 3rd Battalion, and consecutively we are also to defeat Twilight and her troops for this exercise to be considered a true victory for the Royal Guard!"
The troops slammed their right hoof down on the floor once, indicating their approval.
Shining nodded. "Make no mistake, gentlestallions, we have the distinct advantage, not only in training, but in numbers. Any one of you could run circles around all of them," he clarified. "But we are Royal Guard! And when we can win or our own, when we're working together we can do the impossible! Win at any cost! That is the mission!"
"Sir! Twilight Sparkle and two of her mercenaries is approaching under a white flag!" A guard shouted.
Shining frowned and confirmed the time. "We have a few minutes before we begin. Let them through."
"Roger that, sir!"
The group of soldiers glanced curiously at the odd equipment and armor Shining Armor's sister was wearing. They had heard rumors that it came from far beyond, and it was clear that whatever it was, it wasn't something they had ever seen before.
"Shiny," Twilight greeted, smiling at her brother and waving her armored hoof at the gathered soldiers. "So glad you could make it."
"Twily," Shining replied, nodding before turning to face her sister's companions. "And you are Rarity Belle and Vinyl Scratch, if I'm not mistaken?"
Rarity was wearing a similar outfit to Twilight's, only white with a purple stripe that matched her mane. She smiled and bowed politely. "That is correct, good sir! I'm dreadfully sorry that Twilight's remarks have made such a thing as this exercise necessary, but I do hope you nice stallions know that we don't all share her derision of the Royal Guard."
Shining straightened up, a smile playing on his face. "Why, thank you, miss Belle," he said noticing his troops were looking a bit more professional under the praise. "It is nice to know that there are ponies among her circle of friends that know the value of the Royal Guard."
Rarity giggled. "But of course I would know!" She smiled coyly. "After all, I am a designer! If there's anypony that would know the value of the right type of decor for any given situation. Why, I can only imagine how Court would look without you nice stallions standing at attention to make it all look more solemn!"
Shining had to resist the urge to grit his teeth.
"Did... did she insult us?" One of his soldiers whispered to the other. "I'm not sure why, but I feel insulted."
Shining looked at Vinyl, who was also in armor, this one with bright neon-blue stripes and raised an eyebrow.
Vinyl shrugged. "I've got nothing to say, Captain. Carry on."
Shining rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Twilight, who had been looking around the camp with interest. "So what do I owe the honor of your visit, Twilight?"
Twilight shrugged. "I thought I would come by to pay my respects to the soon-to-be-defeated."
This got several growls and--annoyingly--whimpers from the soldiers behind him, but Shining simply glared back at her smiling face. "Just because you have been training with Wrex since you... hatched... him, doesn't meant that all your team is up to par. And even then, his methods don't compare to our formal training."
Twilight actually guffawed and then snorted before giving Shining Armor a hug. "Oh, Shiny, that's why I love you, big brother. You're always bringing smiles and honest laughter with you."
Shining's eyes became hard. "I think you have overextended your visit."
Still chuckling, Twilight nodded. "True, true, we're about to begin anyway. Just, remember it's an exercise, what happens is not personal."
"I'll be reminding you that later today, no doubt," Shining Armor growled, watching the three unicorns march away under escort. "Okay, team! I want volunteers to take the fort!"
"Sir!" several voices echoed as a group of five ponies stepped forth.
Shining nodded. "Soldiers, it will be your mission to take the fort. Once that is done, we will have a secure location to move onto phase two, which is taking down my sister's camp."
"Sir, I thought whoever took the fort won?" one of the soldiers asked.
"Not in this situation, soldier." Shining paced once more in front of his troops. "Commander Sparkle has made it clear she has no respect for us. The best way to show her we are superior is to not only take the fort, but to take her camp." He eyed the soldier fiercely. "Do I make myself clear?"
"Sir! Yes sir!"
"SIr!" Another voice came up. "Allow me to lead the away team."
Shining blinked. "Flash Sentry? You're a little green for this, soldier."
Flash nodded, a resolute look on his face. "I know, sir. But I also know that we ponies are capable of amazing things when we have the drive, and I have the drive to succeed! Commander Twilight's disregard has affected me deeply, and I want to prove to her what we can do, even more than you, sir! I was the top of the class for a reason sir! Give me this chance, you won't regret it!"
Shining stared into the resolute eyes of Flash Sentry and smirked. "You remind me of myself, soldier. Gear up, you're taking point."
"But sir!" a grizzled stallion a few years older than Shining spoke up, clearly surprised. "With all due respect sir, we have several soldiers with more knowledge than --"
"I understand, Mission Parameters, but we must give this young pony a chance. There are times to embrace the new, and in the case of my sister, the more unusual our methods, the better."
"This is awesome!" Rainbow Dash gushed, looking over the training grounds. "Ohmygosh! This is the type of stuff the Wonderbolts do!"
"Nah," Wrex said. "Soarin wimped out from practice with us last time, but Spitfire... heh, that pony shows a bit of promise."
"You know the Wonderbolts?!" Rainbow Dash gasped, then frowned. "Shows promise? We're talking about the commander of the Wonderbolts! The best flying team of Equestria!"
"Stunts," Wrex corrected. "Stunts team. For all their fluff they're not a true military unit anymore. Which is a damn shame, since there's so much you can do with flying ponies."
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow, but soon the other eyebrow joined its partner when Wrex showed her what he had in mind. "That's--"
"Yes." Wrex chuckled.
"But that's more of a gryphon tactic an--"
She was interrupted when Wrex slapped her on the back and held her close under one arm like a small keg of beer. "Aw, look at you all knowledgeable about gryphon tactics. It gives me hope that with some Krogan training you'll be the best flying demolition squad in Equestria."
"Squad? But I'm only one pegasus!"
"...with Krogan training."
"Sir, we have spread our teams around the camp to pre-empt any attacks from your si-- Commander Sparkle."
"Well done, soldier." Shining nodded and looked at the fort. He turned to look at Flash Sentry. "Are you ready?"
"Yes sir! The mission should be no problem, sir! Sneak under the cover of fire to the fort's north side, wait until Twilight's team makes their move to distract our opponents, take the grappling hooks up and invade from the top down."
Shining nodded again. "Always remember that battle conditions change. Are you sure you're up to the task?"
Flash Sentry saluted. "Yes, sir!"
"Then good luck, and good hunting!"
"They're deploying," Octavia said, keeping her sight on Shining Armor, before following the soldiers moving away from camp. "A small group. Five. Leader doesn't look like much."
Twilight nodded. "Did you learn how to use the cloaking device with the Omnitool?"
Octavia grinned.
"Then, have fun." Twilight kissed Octavia before trotting away.
Shining took a glance at the position of the sun and nodded. "It's time! Raise our flag!"
"Yes, sir!" A unicorn guard acknowledged, using his magic to attach the flag to the highest pole. The moment that was done, a loud noise was heard, like a crack of thunder, and the unicorn collapsed.
"Waving Banner!" Another guard shouted in horror, galloping to help his fellow soldier. A second crack resounded and suddenly he was on the floor as well.
"Stop!" Shining shouted when he saw more soldier rush up. "It's a trap! Find cover! They're luring us there!"
He turned around. "Flash Sentry! You have your orders, soldier! Do us proud!"
"Sir!" Flash Sentry saluted and galloped in the opposite direction, followed by his team.
Shining Armor winced when a pony next to him was hit after another distant crack, and fell down. "We need to find who's responsible for this and take them down!"
"Mission Parameters! This is probably the work of Wrex! Get Grizzled Scar, Mangled Stump, Green Beret and Master Chief. Find that damned alien and take him down!" Shining shouted, ducking as something hit a nearby chair, knocking it over.
"Yes sir!" Mission Parameters growled. "You heard the Captain! Flaming Dragon, assemble and go!"
Immediately the toughest group of soldiers Shining had ever had the distinct honor to assemble and order around rushed into formation, with Mangled Stump creating three shields around them to deflect any incoming shots.
"I think I saw something there!" Green Beret shouted, pointing at a random direction. The group galloped, wielding their weapons up, shields shimmering with magic, and in the case of Master Chief, two glowing wingblades as he flew over his team, encased in a shield, courtesy of Mangled Stump.
They roared a challenge that was cut short as the ground under glowed purple for a second before disappearing. The group fell in, except for Master Chief, who hesitated, flying in place as his shield faded away.
Another crack.
Master Chief fell into the hole.
A flickering silhouette galloped past it, throwing a small shiny object inside and galloping faster away. A second later, a bright flash illuminated the inside of the hole, and Shining knew they were gone.
"Dammit!"
He cast a spell around the whole camp, turning to look at the scared soldiers behind him. "Don't worry! My shield won't fail, we just need to hold on until Flash Sentry takes the fort!"
"But what happened to taking down their camp?!" another soldier asked.
"Buck that!" Shining snapped. "My sister is concentrating all of her fire here. If we take the fort first, we win!"
He turned to look in the direction where Flash Sentry had gone. "I'm counting on you, kid!"
Flash Sentry looked around from his position behind a tree. "I can see the guards. We'll do what Shining said and wait until Twilight's attack on the other side." He fidgeted and looked down at the magical weapons they had. "Will these be enough to knock them out?"
"Relax, rookie." Another soldier chuckled."We use these all the time at practice. One touch can knock out a buffalo like nothing. We'll be fine, they'll be unconscious and the day will be ours."
Flash nodded and was about to say something when the top of the fort exploded.
"What the buck was that?!" a soldier asked in horror.
A blue streak flashed past, did a twirl in the air and then dive-bombed over the fort, dodging feeble attempts to be hit with arrows before dropping something that made the whole area drown in a gigantic boom.
Ears ringing, Flash Sentry shook his head and saw through bleary eyes a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane pause, hovering over the fort before starting a patrol flight, occasionally swooping down to presumably take a guard or two down.
"We can't take the roof!" Flash Sentry gasped. "Dammit, communications, call Captain Armor for orders."
A unicorn nodded, horn glowing for a few moments before shaking his head. "No contact, sir. Communications are down."
"That can mean anything," another soldier muttered. "We should carry on and take the fort. That's our mission."
"But we can't do that!" Flash hissed. "The whole plan failed!"
"Plans always fail!" the soldier retorted. "Think of a new one!"
Flash winced and looked back at the fort as it shook with another explosion. "Try again while I think of something!"
The unicorn nodded while the other soldier rolled his eyes. "We're going to be here for a while."
"Sir!" someone shouted behind Shining Armor. "Incoming message from urk!"
"Urk!? Who the buck is urk?!" Shining shouted back trying to concentrate on his shield, but his attention was diverted when the soldiers behind him started shouting in surprise. "What's going on?" He turned around and gasped when he saw the three remaining soldiers in his base tied up, horns with suppressors and gagged. Rarity, Vinyl and Twilight were grinning at him, his sister pointing one of her infamous guns at him.
"Well, Shiny," Twilight grinned. "Will you surrender?" Her grin turned a bit disturbing. "Or will you make this interesting?"
Shining cursed.
Explosions came from within the fort, and suddenly the front doors opened once everything was quiet.
"Now's our chance!" Flash Sentry said, urging the others. "Let's go!"
"It's probably a trap, idiot!" his second-in-command growled, nevertheless following orders. "How do you even think this is a good thing?"
"Luck favors the bold!" Flash Sentry retorted. "They probably opened the doors to let reinforcements in!"
"Reinforcements?!" his second-in-command echoed, incredulous. "Reinforcements?!" he asked again, just to confirm.
The small group ran in, and just as they were in, the pair of heavy oaken doors slammed shut behind them, casting them into darkness.
"How did you get past my shield?!" Shining Armor demanded, casting a much stronger and smaller shield around himself while letting the larger one fade away.
"I teleported us," Twilight explained, dismissively poking a soldier on the floor with her gun. "Your shield was just for physical damage, and you were too distracted by the sniping which was being provided by Tavi to really pay attention to anything else."
"But you were not close enough to have a clear line of sight for teleporting! I made sure that our position wouldn't give you easy access!"
"Line of sight..." Twilight smirked. "Or a clear image of where exactly I want to appear."
Shining's eyes widened. "W-when you three visited?"
"Intel." Twilight shrugged. "You didn't think it was just social?"
A blue pegasus Shining didn't know, landed next to Twilight. "Shining Armor's squad just went into the fort, Twilight."
Shining Armor smirked. "Well then... now that we've taken the fort, we've won."
Twilight started laughing.
"Someone, please turn on the light," Flash Sentry groaned.
A flickering orb of white energy generated from right next to him, and floated up, casting a little bit of light around them. "Well, what now, sir?"
"Now you fight the krogan."
Flash Sentry blinked. "Wait. Who said that?"
"Ehehehehe..."
Twilight lifted her hoof when her Omnitool appeared. "Wrex."
"Sparkle."
"How's the fort?"
"Still in one piece. I found a little group of pyjaks that thought an open door was an invitation in," Wrex chuckled. "They're all tied up for you."
Twilight gave her brother a smug look.
Dear Princess Celestia
Thank you for the exercise! It was very amusing, and I think Rainbow Dash is much more willing to talk to me about a more permanent place in my team. We'll see what she has to say, but I think she had a lot of fun too!
Your student,
Commander Twilight Sparkle
Captain Armor
We need to talk about your troops and decisions.
-Princess Celestia
Dear Twilight,
Stop picking on your brother! And I expect you and your marefriend for dinner this Friday! Wrex can invite Princess Celestia again.
Love,
Mom.
Dear Commander Sparkle,
You're really pretty.My name is Flash Sentry and I was the leader of the away team that tried to take the fort. I was very impressed with your team and would like to offer my services to you.~Flash Sentry
Sergeant Sentry,
No. And if you contact me again, I will not only send a copy of that letter as well to my brother, but I will personally ensure you never want to set hoof in a battleground again.
~Commander Sparkle.
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Join the royal guard, they said. It'll be fun, they said.
It was so predictable that it wasn't even funny
Ehehehehe indeed, this entire chapter.
Well Shining look on the bright side, you got to hear "Viola's music" and live to tell the tale. Not many ponies will be able to claim that soon. It might even be an accomplishment later to brag about.
As the secretary of the Royal Guard, I have to say that I am laughing my ass off.
Mostly because I'm a donkey and therefore am allowed to use degrading terms such as ass and jackass.
The latter of which I am one.
As a veteran of the infamous Jackass Wars, excuse me, Pedro Wars, I am trained in moving in rough terrain. In fact, it says a lot about you guys when the fact that the secretary is better trained then you dumbasses. Which has led me to the conclusion that...
You guys suck.
Dumbasses.
Sincerely,
Cranky Doodle Dandy
6185680 then it sucks to be you.
Cause that was hilarious.
6185671 They lied like hell, son. XD
Yes, rather predictable, but still badass.
I'm not sure that I've seen such incompetent military on this site since Operation Exploding Face. Still, they are both funny...
Bwahahahaaaa!
!!!
A million times this.
You continue to deliver and it's glorious. Your pony names are perfect too... 'Mission Parameters'.
Never stop.
My name is Garrus Vakarian and I should be taken cared of by a cute pony princess.
I pop a stiffy every time this story updates.
yes shining armor your men have superior training then a THOUSAND year old krogun BATTLEMASTER. yes you have better training then a monster who has won more battles then you've contemplated.
I almost feel bad for Shiny...Almost.
Another great chapter... Commander Sparkle is pure awesome.
Training can't trump experience . . . or Krogans. And those trained by Krogans.
LOVE IT!
Oh man, that was hilarious. I so called the fact that Twi was using that chat to gather intel, too.
Rainbow Dash: One pegasus... with Krogan training.
Poor Flash, though. He got shut down so hard I felt it from here.
6186151 When Shining was 5, he played with plastic and tin soldiers for fun. When Wrex was 5, he was bashing enemy skulls together and dancing on pyjaks' graves for fun.
also
honestly I want to make a clever remark about how shining just got burned, but I'm not sure a burn to this degree is survivable.
I found this today. I have not stopped laughing since that moment.
I'm worried I may have had a religious experience.
Nothing like a little Mood Whiplash to inspire fear in your opponents...
Dear Celestia, Rarity. This was beautiful.
I think my grin is threatening to split my face in two with how wide it's getting...
6186399 Nah, she's calling Wrex a pyjak because she can.
Shiny got a new torn out of his backside
God I love this.
How many times do you think it will take Shinning to lose and be humiliated by her sister before he admits the Guard sucks ass? I'll say 394 times, and 'then' he will beg Wrex to train the Guard, which we know won't happen. Bwahahahaha!
Oh, Flash. This is why you write a rough draft first. Preferably in pencil.
As for Shining... yeah, when your opposition outclasses you several dozen times over in tactics and technology, the outcome is a foregone conclusion. Honestly, I just feel bad for him. A stallion has his pride, but there are times when you need to face reality.
Also, I have to wonder how Grizzled Scar and Mangled Stump felt during their early days in the Guard. Those are not auspicious names for rookies.
i.imgur.com/PijPq7z.gif
Still wondering when Celestia is going to start working on introducing that technology. Wrex will hopefully be uplifting the planet... but that's just me.
Ha haa, Flash Sentry's voice cracked.
At least most of Shining's command knows their place - which is as far as possible from Twi's commandos. His position is going to be under some serious scrutiny if he keeps getting embarrassed like that.
6191209 Wrex inspired me. As he inspires all.
I was eating this story up with a spoon until this chapter... now I've thrown away the spoon. Too slow...
NOMNOMNOM!
Commander Sparkle is one of my favorite alternate Twilight Sparkle's ^^. I do love how different she acts and her rivalry with Shining Armor is just brilliant. Can't wait to see how certain events will go down, like Trixie's arrival in town (Potential Squadmate/Fangirl/Rival?) Discord's return, Tirek, The Changeling Invasion, the Crystal Empire reappearing, maybe Twilight gets a robot dog/robot attack dog instead of an Owl. ^^
Did...did Rarity just say the guard was good for nothing more than decoration? Awesome.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
6197947 If Knighty made the Badass tag exist, what would fit in there?
This makes me wonder what will happen when the changelings attack...
WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED
6186179
And those who have experience and were trained... by Krogans.
D-D-D-D-DREAMCRUSHER
So I found this:
i730.photobucket.com/albums/ww301/xBNDx/MLP-FiM%20Megathread/Comics%20and%20Humor/friendship_is_universal_2_by_mixermike622-d40ok1f.png
Doesn't fit the story entirely, bit it works.
Kind of hated this chapter, to be honest. Way too mean-spirited to be enjoyable.
When you're a guard and you still get your ass handed to you by civilians you need to return to training... badly.
huh some bad asses there i wonder why you skiped the chance to call one of them Duke (Duke Nukem) you could of had him take the fort and then say 'HAIL TO THE KING BABY'
To be fair, Shining Armor actually did a good job. He just had the bad luck that Twilight cased the area before-hand for teleportation. And that Flash Sentry is every bit as stupid as he looks in the show. It is one of the reasons I abhor the implied Twilight/Flash in Equestria Girls and some other things. He looks like a brain-dead cut-out and he is a brain-dead cut-out. Someone Twilight would just give a pitying look at and walk away from.
6185671 to be fair it was fun. Fun for twilight
I gotta say, Twilight is pretty cocky. Calling herself "Commander" and taking the N7 for her own. She also seems to follow in Renagade Shepard's footsteps, and I'm surprised that she could​ use the elements at all. :P
8087247 she was trained by Wrex, Wrex fought alongside Shepard, and is a skilled and powerful fighter in his own right...N7 is Special Forces...id say Twi counts after this....
8113282
And she is being a hero shes only a dick to the guard because they suck at there job or people who value money more then lives
Edit also rainbow is cocky as hell and she still become a element
6541101
To be fair, they have a Krogan...