Crystal Princess Cadance,
Dear gods, that sounds tacky. Do I really have to call you that?
Anyway, I write this to you to bring both good news and bad. You'll want to sit down for the bad news, so I'll just start with the good first.
The good news is I can maybe bargain the murder charge down to involuntary slaughter. The bad news is the Crystal Empire is being charged with the murder of Sombra.
I know what you're thinking. "But he was an evil tyrant that enslaved the crystal ponies, generally making their lives miserable!" That is true, and certainly evil in its own regard. But such crimes are not deserving of his untimely death. We have Tartarus for such villainy, but leave it to a demon horse of crystal and smoke to, well, turn into smoke and vanish on us before we threw him in a vacuum cleaner.
When he came back, I had hoped that his evil could be bound and restrained so that he might face due process in due time. Now that the entire town killed him, however, that due process shifted to the town itself. Exacting a wrong for being wronged does not make it right, Cadance.
You might wonder who is pressing this charge, and no, it's not me or anyone in Canterlot. It's his horn; Sombra's horn.
That long face you're making as you just read that is the exact same face I made, but it's not a new thing. Considering I've had to preside over cases like Penny Pincher vs. Coinpurse, Chicken vs. Egg, and my favorite, Rock vs. Paper vs. Scissors, this is exactly as crazy as it sounds.
And let's be honest, the horn has a pretty good case nailing the town for murdering its owner. But like I said, I can negotiate it down to involuntary slaughter unless you think you can make a good case as to how the town is not responsible for doing the deed. Respond to me if you can't think of a better option, and I'll see to it that the sentence is as light as it can get.
Meanwhile, we've since interviewed Cuppa, and concluded that he was not, and never was, a part of the invasion. This is of immense relief to us and our shameless desire for his tasty brews, and we agreed to give him legal citizenship on the condition that he merely continues his great work in serving coffee to my fair nobles, tea blends for me, and doubleshot espressos for Luna.
Thankful feels like a small word to express his gratitude in that moment, but it's the only word I can think of that works best.
Anyway, good luck with the case, Cadance. Remember to contact me if you run into trouble, and for the love of the gods, stop rummaging through Shining's belongings. She is gone, okay? Calm down.
Love,
Princess Celestia
Luna, is that you? Hang on.
Yes, did you want some--thhhaaats a megaphone.
Look, I'm sorry it happened, okay? I really thought it wasn't you, but this is going a bit too far and--don't touch that switch, Luna. Do you hear me?
Okay, fine. I do deserve this, but at least don't use the Roya--