Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man


Friends Don't Leave Leaves Behind

My faithful student,

I hope my unannounced appearance during Ponyville's annual Running of the Leaves didn't throw you off. Rather, I'm delighted you got a medal. That means you actually read something on pacing yourself properly, I take it?

I actually came to also visit Mayor Mare that day. She and I go way back, but more importantly, it was to discuss my... erm, damage towards Rarity's property.

Do you know how expensive your friend's windows are? I could feed a full orphanage for three days for the cost of that thing! Or three orphanages for one day! Good gods, are they made from the crystallized tears of baby dragons?

It might be a good idea for you to start watching Spike around her. I don't want her getting ideas.

Now, in regards to Applegak and Rainbow Dash, I thoroughly enjoyed their tussle as they crossed the finish line. Their fierce competitive spirit made for an enthralling end to a competition that otherwise usually ends in broken dreams, broken bones, and broken twigs.

And pointlessness. You know those leaves fall on their own, right? Does anyone in this town know that? Applegak has to know; she bucks trees for a living! She's got to rake leaves too, and I seriously doubt she's got a whole pony stampede on hoof for that.

That said, I made them run again to get those other trees since everypony apparently wanted Fall to end as soon as possible. I don't blame them; it's a terrible season filled with cold weather, cold people, and colds.

Especially colds. That pesky illness always seems to breach my ward and just ruin me for a whole month. You might remember those times when I had Cadance keep an eye on you while I was busy blowing my horn for days. I even got complaints from the townsfolk about the noise coming from the castle.

Yes, over a millennium spent on this land, and I can still be brought down by common disease. Go figure.

Anyway, keep up on these reports, Twilight. I look forward to your next one.

Love,

Princess Celestia

...Luna, you visited the school again, didn't you? You have paint in your mane.

Oh, they told you jokes? Let me hear one.

Who's there?

I eat mop who--LUNA!