Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Just For Sidekicks
Dear Princess Celestia,
You suck. I hate you. I mean I really, really hate you. The fact that my whole life has been nothing but slaving away for the most unappreciative cunt ever is entirely your fault. Why the hell do potential students for your school have to hatch dragon eggs anyway? And why are they not then taken and properly cared for? Why are they forced into serving their students? Or, is that just me? Certainly wouldn't surprise me. It would only make my existence even more pathetic and meaningless.
Also, I need help. My tongue is out of control. Is there some kind of Tongues Anonymous support group around here? Because it's keeping me from baking my jewel cake. So Twilight and the others are going to the Crystal Meth Empire to welcome the Head of the Equestria Games. I didn't get invited to come along, and I have no idea why. After all, I was the one who saved the Crystal Heart and thus, their entire empire.
So after an entire afternoon of critter-sitting headaches, not to mention Zecora giving one of my gems to a Filly Scout and not even getting any cookies in return, Angel hops on the train to the Crystal Meth Empire, forcing me to keep the Crusaders from jumping into a lake and giving up another gem for tickets. After they got out of control again, I had to give another rider my second to last gem. Roast rabbit is sounding really good right about now.
But then I was hit with an epiphany. Angel was desperate to get back to Fluttershy because she cared for him. She loved him. Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow all care for and love their pets. And here I was, ignoring their needs like Twilight constantly ignores my needs.
So I guess I have to keep trying to figure out a way to seriously hurt Twilight and make it look like an accident, then make a break for it.
Either that or I'll kill myself.
Forever a slave,
Spike