Dear Spoiled BiRich,
It's come to my attention that there have been some... 'curiosities' regarding Ponyville's school funding. More specifically, the lack of it after Tirek's attack on Equestria. Which is strange, at least to me. I know Tirek practically razed and wontonly destroyed parts of cities in Equestria with no regard. Ponyville was no exception, as he had taken delight in destroying Golden Oaks Library, various buildings lining the main road, and the school playground.
That last one had the least amount of damage taken to it, financially speaking. I expected another smoking crater of some sort, but no, Tirek wanted to crush more than just our stability. He wanted to break our happiness, and if the pleading letter sent from the students detailing how he'd broken their equipment piece by piece in front of their eyes, I almost felt compelled to say he had won in his disturbing crusade to destroy 'fun'. Crazy centaur.
Ahem, back to the topic. Following Tirek's wake of destruction in Ponyville, I asked Mayor Mare to assess all the damages immediately so that I might provide proper relief funding to get the town back in working order. I know she's a busy mare, and she probably took your word for it at the time that you would take care of things. Your husband is quite wealthy, so I'm sure you would have had things all figured out to do your part in helping the town get back on its hooves.
I believe that such noble, respectable intentions are more than worthy of deserving some merit. And had I heard of such generosity, I would have come down to congratulate you personally for such admirable efforts. Perhaps present a medal, trophy, or honorary ribbon commemorating your exceptional service to the community of Ponyville.
But this is not a letter of praise. Why?
Because you wanted to put a statue of your daughter where the playground used to be. Gods forbid the well-being of the other students in the class--your little angel must shine in the darkness.
It was bad enough reading about how one of the school windows was replaced with a stained-glass mockup of Diamond Tiara. Yes, I know Discord broke that, but that should have been a clear sign of how much power you were abusing in your position at the time. But now, with this whole statue idea you had planned instead of giving all of the children a fun, relatively safe place to play and enjoy themselves? Were you thinking about anyone else other than your daughter? Anyone at all?
Perhaps a little bit. I'll give you credit that some of the money I sent really did go into repairing the school building. I don't know whether you did that for selfish or generous reasons, but it's worth noting. However, you reappropriated the remaining funds for the school playground toward the statue, and filled in the gap on the cost by digging into your husband's pockets. You could have used all of his money for that statue and put it elsewhere, but no, it couldn't sit on school property like that. There had to be some money tied into the school to 'justify' putting it there, just as you had 'justified' that glass window.
I know what you did, Spoiled Rich. You pulled the wool over our eyes once, but not this time. You will pay for this, and it won't be with money.
Following the service of this letter, a royal guard will escort you off the premises to Ponyville's local orphanage. There, you will serve a three months of community service helping all sorts of 'low-class' children, as you might call them. Since you can't seem to appreciate any other child but your own, this should serve as a humbling experience for you to reflect upon your negligence. I serve this punishment to thee in the hopes of bettering yourself in the most straightforward manner possible, if only because I see a chance for you to redeem yourself. A small chance, but one nonetheless.
However, should this punishment fail to tender your heart, I could pull you into court for embezzlement, and you could be looking at a few years in prison for that. I do hate to separate mother and child, but depending on your actions, you may leave me no choice.
Consider your options carefully, Spoiled Rich. I'd hate for you to make any unwise decisions.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
P.S. This obviously means your position at the school board is hereby suspended until your punishment has been served. And I shouldn't have to say this, but if you try to pull another fast one, I won't be this lenient. Keep your hooves out of the children's cookie jar.
P.P.S. I suggest you hug your daughter before you're escorted today. She at least deserves that much from you.
~~~
Princess Twilight,
I'm left with mixed feelings about your work.
On one hoof, I offer my deepest thanks in teaching Sunny and Moony how to behave and be more proper and tidy about their actions. Finding my room to be less of a mess today has done wonders for me and the maids, and the guards aren't on edge anymore expecting a moon pie assault from unexpected angles and/or unusual trajectories. Luna's room is still a dust-ridden mess, but at least I can breathe in there without feeling like I've swallowed as much chalky earth as I have air.
But on the other hoof, I didn't ask for you to teach them some advanced magic lessons. Like teaching them how to better control the sun and moon, which I specifically taught them ONLY the basics for. If you haven't noticed from the rapidly shifting day and night cycles, Sunny and Moony are playing tennis with our celestial bodies, and to my complete and utter disbelief, Luna is the umpire.
All shock aside, this match is quite intense, since I've already received a pile of noise complaints regarding excessively loud shouting and grunting. Not just from Canterlot--it's gone clear out to Griffonstone. Seriously, have you ever read a griffon letter? Talon holes everywhere, and don't even get me started on the griffonage. I had to get my reading glasses for that.
As entertaining as this whole affair is, I need to get this settled and the world back to functioning order preferably by tomorrow, so as you get this, get over here and help me sort out this mess. I would handle this myself, but my sister turned the tables on me for this one.
And if worst comes to worst up there, please set aside a few hours for a bit of referee time while we sort out our problems in a doubles match.
Waiting for your arrival,
Princess Celestia