//------------------------------//
// We Will Rainbow Rock You 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
//------------------------------//

Dear Princess Twilight,

Firstly, my apologies for not sending you a letter regarding the message in the book. I was remarkably busy, well, shuffling books over so you could restock your new castle. It's a good thing I carry five copies of all but the most dated of records in case of one of your "missing book" mental breakdowns again. You made me learn the value of having backups veeery quickly, let me tell you. 

I assume by now you have settled Sunset's problem on the other side of the portal. Mayor Mare made a particular note of absolutely nothing interesting happening in Ponyville over the past three days, which usually meant that something interesting happened elsewhere instead.

And no, that doesn't mean Canterlot had anything special to do, unless you count me being short on eggs as something unusual. Luna's been baking up a storm of treats ever since... gods, I still can't believe it.

Those crusaders really are going to watch over Luna's dragons.

I don't know how those three fillies did it, but they won her heart over, and now she's absolutely adamant about having them take on this incredible responsibility.

Did I object to this? Of course! The last time I let children run around my castle unattended was last year's Gifted Unicorn field trip. That ended with all of my bad expectations met, and more, even if the kids had a blast. The maids are still finding cookie crumbs, balloon scraps and paper wads leftover from Runny Nose's papier-mâché mockup of me blowing a raspberry. That last part's actually adorable, despite her nursing the glue bottle she used for it like a juice box on that trip. While my vain hopes rest in that she only used the glue in the bottle, I know far better than that.

But Luna wouldn't have any of it for those three little fillies, and like all royal stalemates between us, we had to settle it in the olden ways of Horn, Hoof, Feathers. Best two out of three.

I lost. May the gods have mercy on the castle when we're gone.

We both know there are far better alternatives than those three. You, Spike, Fluttershy, anyone from the Dragonwatch in the yellow book would have been safe bets for me, but what's done is done. Now she's making sweet treats for them upon their arrival, and I'm stuck buying eggs at the market--two dozen, please--and she might need some butter too.

Yes, a few pounds if you don't mind. Anyway, I should wrap this up. Luna will want help in the kitchen to make some of her child-friendly Sweet Dream Delights. I'll add a note suggesting they eat these before sleeping, because those are delectably soporific.

Best Regards,

Princess Celestia

No, I don't want milk. Thanks for the suggestion, though.

Membership card? What even--no, I don't have one. No, I won't sign up for it right now. Just let me buy--

Why would I want a newsletter? I don't even want the card! Can I just purchase the food, please?

Ooh, five bits off my next fruit purchase? That does sound lovely--NO, that is a distraction! Eggs and butter for now, thank you!