//------------------------------// // Cranky Flank Gals 9: The Wild and Crazy Grannies // Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess // by Tired Old Man //------------------------------// Dear Granny Smith, I am so sorry I wasn’t able to chaperone you and the girls this year and “conveniently” relieve Big Macintosh of yet another outing with four windy old bags. Believe me, if I had a choice to put ruling a nation aside for just one afternoon this year, it would absolutely be today. Alas, it was not meant to be. Flim and Flam just sent over the latest blueprints for the new attraction replacing the lawsuit-riddled safety hazard that is—was—the Wild Blue Yonder. I don’t know what in the blue moon Gladmane was thinking having a roller coaster run through the hotel like that (it certainly never went through me for approval when it was built), but I’m pleased to see the brothers have recognized its liability and took the necessary steps to have the roller coaster closed down and redesigned within weeks of their new ownership. Aaaaand then they turned around and proposed a city-wide pair of roller coasters, one for each brother, running simultaneously next to each other. They even went so far as to have the coasters travel in a path that spells each brother’s name, because subtlety never really existed in Las Pegasus. However, it’s not running over or through any of the hotels, which is music to my ears and to other patrons formerly unfortunate enough to book a room within earshot of the screaming riders. Gods know if they’ll actually get around to building it, however. Oh, they can order a new set of gold plaques on doors engraved with their full-body portraits just fine, but I don’t know if they truly grasp the scope of this project and how many construction ponies they’ll need to hire to oversee the development! Then again, they were able to sell an empty auditorium to a crowd of gullible patrons. I’ll be watching them to make sure nothing—or nopony—goes off the rails to their doom. Oh, and they also wanted to confirm a few days ago if they still had to honor your Golden Horseshoe Society’s exclusive perks now that Las Pegasus was under new ownership and therefore previously honored deals with the former owners should not apply. I saved you a lot of trouble this week by stating the GHS’s status has been honored since the founding of the resort. It’s long since been grandmared into the place regardless of the owner, and the ladies continue to be yearly patrons with plenty of expendable retirement income. Oh, and if they so much as think about canceling the society’s perks, they would be gummed to death by a prestigious group of grumpy gaming grannies. One or two might even use… dentures. Is it weird how Ms. Muffins is always the courier when I receive urgent mail, or is that just me? Whatever. Another broken tower wall later, and the Society agreement has been renewed! You owe me big for this, by the way. My price for this favor is steep, and I know you’re not going to like it, but here it goes: One barrel of your private reserve, and one large shirt and visor for Luna. My sister caught wind of our gathering this year and was quite… vocal in her curiosity about the group’s activities. If you’ll have her, I’m sure she’ll be a joyous addition to the group! Hey hey, shh! I’m trying to get you in, Luna! Can you let me be the one to ask the others?! Well if you’re so insistent on not waiting, I’m sure they’d just love it if you asked them in person! Oh dear. Um, Granny, if you’re still at the farmstead, I recommend either making tracks away from the orchard… ...or to expect a Lunar landing. Best of Luck Either Way, Princess Celestia