• Published 9th Oct 2014
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Permanent Vacation - Apple_Crack



I didn't ask for this, any of this. But now that I'm here, might as well make the most of it. But, why am I here? What purpose does my presence here serve to Equestria?

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Party of One or She’s A Maniac, Oh No

“Permanent Vacation”

Party of One or She’s A Maniac, Oh No

After sending Scootaloo off to school for the day, I decide that just sitting around and doing nothing would do wonders for my mind and body today. Well, minus the fact that I have a house to maintain. However, it would seem fate had decided to throw another wrench in my absolutely fantastic life today. A knock on the front door draws my attention towards it. Going over and opening it, I tilt my head at the apparent lack of someone there. “Uh, hello?”

“Mmph.” I look down to see Pinkie face first on the ground, a strange contraption strapped to her back that chugs once before releasing a small burst of confetti. She holds her hand up, a pink envelope in her grasp.

I slowly grab it from her hand. Opening it, I read the invite held within. “Oh, a birthday party for Gummy today? Sure, I’ll be there.”

Pinkie flashes a thumbs up. Sonja darts around my legs and licks the side of Pinkie’s face, eliciting a giggle from her. She lifts her head up. “Thanks girl. I needed that.”

I hold my hand out, which she grabs and pulls herself up. “You wanna come in for a sec, get something to drink after all…” I motion towards her, “This?”

“Yeah, I guess I’m a little parched.”

I raise an eyebrow. “A little?” I step off to the side to let her in.

She rubs the back of her head. “Okay, maybe a lot more than a little. But delivering singing telegrams to everypony is hard work!”

I pour her a glass of orange juice, which she chugs down. With a smirk, I hold up the invite. “And I don’t rate a singing telegram? Madam, you wound me so.”

At least she has the decency to look ashamed. “Sorry, Blake, but after Twilight’s invite, I was so tired from lugging this thing around and singing that I just couldn’t keep it up. Me, Pinkie Pie, getting tired! Can you believe it?!”

I laugh. “Hey, I don’t care how I get the invite, as long as I get one. And you have every right to get tired every once in a while. Doing the things you do each and every day,” I shake my head, “I don’t think I’d be able to even do it.”

She giggles. “Yeah, being the premiere party pony of Equestria can be really tiring. But if it brings a smile to somepony’s face, then it makes it oh so super-duper amazingly worth it!”

I nod my head. “That it should. You work hard to brighten everyone’s day, and I know for a fact everyone appreciates it.”

She jumps up and hugs me. “I really needed to hear that today, Blake. Thank you!”

I gingerly pat her back. “Anytime, anytime. Now, how’s about you go set up that awesome party for Gummy that everyone will enjoy?”

She gasps. “You’re right! I spent so much time passing out the invites, I might not have enough time to make Gummy’s birthday party the best ever! Thanksagainseeyoubye!” One minute, she’s still here with her arms around me. The next, gone in a blink of the eyes.

With a sigh and a shake of my head, I head back into the living room to watch some TV till later. I wonder what counts as quality programming here in Equestria? It better not be a slew of reality, and that term is used loosely, shows. I fire on the TV, hoping for something decent to watch. Though if it’s anything like the stuff from home, I may want to stick to my DVD collection.

One binge marathon of Doctor Who later…

Figures nothing good would be on TV. Welp, guess it’s time to head over to Gummy’s party. Sauntering through town, it finally hits me. What the fuck am I supposed to get for a toothless alligator? Some chattering teeth? I chuckle to myself. Yeah, that’d probably be the perfect thing. I’ll just pull a Rainbow this time though.

“Ahem. Personal contact to beings that can give you almost anything?”

“And abuse that power? Fat chance.”

Heading into Sugarcube Corner, Mister Cake waves to me. “Good to see you again, Blake.”

I nod my head. “Likewise. How’s the wife and soon to be kid?”

He sighs and rubs his head. “Her due date’s soon. I’ve been running myself ragged at this point.”

I raise an eyebrow. “You need something? Anything?”

He shakes his head. “Thanks, but Pinkie’s been such an angel lately. I don’t know what we’d do without her.”

I shrug my shoulders. “Suit yourself. You ever need something, don’t hesitate to ask though.” I jerk my head towards the ceiling. “They upstairs?”

He nods his head. “Head on up.” As I start to head past the counter, he puts a hand on my chest. “Just so you know, Pinkie’s birthday is tomorrow.”

Perfect! Now I have to get a gift for Pinkie. I’ll figure something out. “Thanks for the warning.” I head upstairs. The stairs open up to a large foyer like area, with two branching hallways. Let’s see… Pinkie’s room has a balcony which was on the… Left side, if the show is anything to go by. Taking the left hallway, I turn a corner to see a pink painted door covered in hearts and glitter at the far end. I hear giggling and laughter coming from the other side.

“Please be a slumber party! Please be a slumber party!”

“And if it’s not?”

“Imagine them in lingerie having a pillow fight! Imagine them in lingerie having a pillow fight!”

I knock once on the door. Before my hand even returns to my side, the door is yanked open. “Hi Blake! Gummy is so happy you could make it!” In one fluid motion, Pinkie grabs my shirt, yanks me inside, slams the door, and shoves Gummy in my face.

I slowly push Gummy away from my face. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Besides, gets me out and about for a couple of hours.” I catch Rarity motioning me over towards the punch bowl. “Hey, I’m gonna enjoy the party, okay?” Without waiting for a response, I walk over to Rarity, bobbing my head in time with the light, cheerful beat coming from a speaker. “What’s going on, Rarity?”

“The usual, as is normal for a mare such as I.” She offers me a cup of punch. “Try the punch, dearie. Pinkie absolutely outdid herself with it.”

I take the offered cup and lightly sip from it. Hmm… Not bad actually. Very fruity, yet sweet enough to be drinkable. “It tastes great. Might have to get the recipe from her then.” I have to laugh at the sight of Applejack bobbing for apples, only to grab a spring loaded one that yanks her head back under the water. “So, did Sweetie enjoy last night?”

She nods her head. “Indeed she did. And how was Luna’s first soiree into your movie nights?”

I smile. “Ah, our fair lunar princess said that she would very much like to do it again.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful to hear! I was afraid that after being gone for so long, she would feel… distant from everypony else.”

I sigh, glancing out towards Twilight and Fluttershy dancing near the back of the room. “I will admit, I feel a special connection towards her. Both of us are lost in a world we don’t understand anymore.”

Rarity raises an eyebrow. “Whatever do you mean?”

I shake my head. “Now is not the time or place for this type of conversation. It’s a party, and I’m not gonna kill the mood faster than Buzz Killington.”

“I do suppose you are right.”

I lean in close to her and lower my voice. “Hey, quick question. What’d you get for Gummy?”

Her eyes widen, and she lowers her voice too. “Nothing! I have no idea what kind of gifts to get an alligator!”

At least I’m not the only one to be stumped about this. “It was so sudden that I didn’t have time to even think about it, let alone get something!”

“Hey! What are we whispering about?”

Rarity and I both jump back slightly. “Oh, just how wonderful this punch is, Pinkie.” To emphasis her point, Rarity even takes a sip from her cup. Nice save Rarity.

“Thanks! Even Gummy likes it too!” With that, Pinkie reaches into the punch bowl and pulls out Gummy. Rarity’s eyes widen right before she spits into Pinkie’s face. Okay, even I would get a little pissed… Nope, Pinkie’s still standing there with a smile plastered on her face. Glancing at my own cup, I shrug my shoulders and drink from it anyway. Not the worst thing to be in my mouth so far.

Rarity smiles slightly, but refuses to look at Pinkie. “And I can see why, Pinkie. It’s got a… Erm, special flavor to it!” She lightly sips from her cup as Pinkie just smiles and bounces away to the beat of the music. As soon as Pinkie turns her back, Rarity spits into a potted plant nearby. “Ugh, how… Unsanitary.” She notices me still drinking. “Erm…”

I smirk. “No different than being licked by a dog or cat. You don’t know where that tongue’s been.”

She covers her mouth. With an audible gulp, she swallows. “Yes… Wonderful talking with you, Blake.”

I chuckle. “Same to you, Rarity.” I snatch a cupcake off the table as I wander over towards Applejack and Rainbow. “Enjoying the party so far?” I stuff the cupcake in my mouth. Mmm… Chocolate with chocolate crème inside.

“Yeah, but this is nothing compared to some of the parties Pinkie throws!”

I chuckle. “I believe it.”

“What’s not ta enjoy, sugarcube? Great friends, good food, and a right hootenanny. Can’t get any better than that.”

Well, I could think of a few things. Not family friendly, but still some something to liven up the party. “Yeah, I gotta agree with you on that.” I glance around to make sure Pinkie isn’t around. She’s currently dancing with Twilight and Fluttershy. Scratch that, hip checking them towards the side of the room. I lean in closer to them and lower my voice. “Hey, we need to meet after the party. About,” I jerk my head towards Pinkie, “Tomorrow.”

Applejack nods her head. “Sure thing.”

Rainbow smirks. “Loud and clear.”

“Alright everypony, let’s kick this party into high gear!”

With a roll of my eyes, I join into the party a bit more, dancing along with the rest of the girls. Thankfully, no one brought a gift, which Gummy is fine with, if Pinkie’s translation is anything to go by. With night swiftly approaching and the energy and excitement dying off, Pinkie brings the party to an end and leads us downstairs to see us off.

“Thanks for the invite, Pinkie. We should do this again soon.”

“Oh, it was nothing, Twilight! Gummy and I are so happy you all came! Anyway, sleep tight girls!” I cough. “Oh, and Blake too!” Pinkie waves to us before shutting the door.

As we all walk away, making small talk, I bring up something I’ve been wanting to know for a while. “Hate to interrupt, but what the hell are we gonna do for Pinkie’s birthday tomorrow?”

Applejack just chuckles. “We’re way ahead of ya, sugarcube. We’re meeting at the barn tomorrow to finish setting up the decorations.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Ya know, nothing like informing me on the night before. Don’t have a gift or nothing, but hey,” I throw my hands up, “Just fucking pull something out of my ass, why don’t I?”

Twilight cringes. “Nopony told you?”

“Uh, no? Still wouldn’t have known unless Mister Cake said anything.”

“Rainbow Dash…” All eyes turn to her.

At least she has the decency to look ashamed. “Heh, I guess I forgot…”

I sigh and place a hand over my face. “Just… Just forget it. I’ll think of something. Just please tell me when to be there.”

Applejack scratches her head. “Around noon so we can have the decorations set up by three.”

“Great, thanks, see you tomorrow.” With that, I turn and start heading home. I’m gonna need a drink tonight to calm myself.


Right as I’m about to leave my house the next morning, there’s a knock on the door. Opening it, Pinkie’s bouncing on the other side with a little basket tied to her head with pink envelopes in it. “You’re cordially invited to Gummy’s after birthday party at three today!”

I shake my head. “Sorry, can’t make it today. The Crusaders want me at their meeting after school today for something or other.”

“Oh, okay then! See you later!” She happily bounces away, humming to herself. I hate lying to her, considering how naïve she can be, but these events need to happen today. But that is something to deal with later. Right now, I better go help set up this party.

Arriving at Sweet Apple Acres, I head over to the barn’s open side door and head in. I let out a small whistle at the decorations already set up. Streamers, confetti, you name it, they got it. “Nice job so far everyone.”

“Blake, perfect timing. If you wouldn’t mind, would you please help me fill up some more balloons?”

“Sure, Rarity.” After filling up a few pink balloons, I decide to ask everyone present, “So, Pinkie’s having an after party for Gummy on the day of her birthday?”

“Yeah, what gives with that? Doesn’t she know when her birthday is?”

“She probably does, Rainbow, but with all the excitement last night, I think she forgot.”

I jerk my thumbs towards Twilight. “Gotta agree on that, Twilight.”

Applejack toss a streamer up to Fluttershy, who weaves it around the rafters. “Ah just pray to Celestia that she didn’t figure out what we’re up to. Ah thought we were done for when she asked me.”

“I must agree with Applejack. I had to do the unspeakable when she asked me.”

I shrug my shoulders. “Yeah, well, let’s pray she doesn’t know yet.” As I glance around the room, I take stock of what else we have to do. Decorations, nearly complete. Drinks, sufficient punch and soda. Food, plenty of sweets and apple based foods. Cake… “Hey, where’s the cake?”

Twilight snaps her fingers. “Right, almost forgot. I’m going to pick it up soon. Rarity, Fluttershy, you ready to go then?”

Rarity ties down the last balloon. “Whenever you’re ready, dear.”

“Um, I’m ready, if nopony else needs me.”

Applejack shakes her head. “Nah, I think you’re good, Shy. I reckon we can finish up here without ya.”

I wave my hands in front of me. “Hold it, hold it. How many people does it take to get a cake?”

“You can never be too careful when it comes to Pinkie, so we’re gonna pass the cake off around town to get it back here without Pinkie following us.”

I roll my eyes and sigh. “And aren’t what forgetting something?”

Twilight tilts her head. “What?”

I hold up my wrist and roll down the sleeve. “She can’t follow what she can’t see.” I tap the Cloak and Dagger, turning myself invisible for the briefest of moments before de-cloaking. “Let me handle the pickup and delivery.”

“Well, it would make it easier to finish up around here… Okay, as long as you’re sure Pinkie won’t follow you.”

I smirk and nod my head. “She won’t even know I’m there.” I leave them to get back to working as I make my way back towards town.

As I near Sugarcube Corner, I catch Pinkie looking out her window. Ah, let the games begin. Heading inside, I walk up to the counter. “What can I get for you, Blake?”

“Oh, something special today.” I notice a tin can attached to a string descend from the ceiling. “Something related to what you told me yesterday.”

He nods his head. “Ah, I understand.” He heads into the kitchen, coming back out with a blue box which he hands to me.

Taking the box, I nod my head towards the stairs and lower my voice just enough so Pinkie could still hear. “She around?”

He nods his head. “She’s upstairs right now, but I don’t know for how long.”

I nod my head. “Good, good. Wouldn’t want her to ruin this now.”

“You better get going before she sees you then.”

“Right. Thanks again.” As soon as I step outside, I cloak and slowly start making my way out of town. And as I expected, Pinkie’s on the prowl for me. What I do find surprising is that Pinkie never seems to be too far from me at any given time in one of many disguises. Could… Could she actually be tracking me somehow? Nah, impossible.

“Blake… I know you’re around here.” Coupled with the way she said that in a singsong voice near feet from me, I don’t think this could get any creepier. “Come out and play.”

Okay, time for a change of tactics. Hmm… Who would be a viable disguise right now? Perhaps Derpy? It wouldn’t be uncommon for her to be carrying a package somewhere, so Pinkie might overlook me. Putting on the disguise, I wait until Pinkies back is to me before de-cloaking. I try to look as inconspicuous as possible, which seemingly works.

Getting back to Sweet Apple Acres, I head back over to the now shut side door and knock on it. The door opens slightly and Applejack’s head peeks out. Upon seeing me, she smiles and opens the door wider. “Well, howdy there, Derpy. What brings ya out here?”

I lift up the disguise mask, glancing over my shoulder. “Applejack, let me in!” Her eyes widen and she flings open the door. I rush in as Applejack shuts the door behind me.

Twilight grasps the box from my hands with her magic and moves it over to the food table. “Blake, what’s going on?” Her eyes widen. “Did Pinkie follow you?”

I throw my hands up. “I don’t freaking know! I didn’t see her on the way back, but she was somehow tracking me when I left Sugarcube Corner! I had to switch up my plan to get back here just to try to avoid her!”

“Oh, I hope she didn’t follow you…”

There’s a knock on the side door, causing us to all freeze. Applejack opens the door slightly. “Howdy there, Pinkie Pie! What brings you here?”

“Shh! Everypony stay quiet!” Rainbow hisses out.

“No shit, Sherlock!” I hiss back.

“Mind if I… Take a look inside the barn real quick, Applejack?” Oh, I can hear practically hear the venom dripping off each and every word.

“Uh… Ya can’t.”

“And why not?”

Time to step in and save Applejack from herself. I walk over and pat her shoulder. “Yo, Applejack, what’s taking so long? Thought you wanted to get this construction work done?” I peek over her shoulder. “Oh, hey, Pinkie? What brings you here?”

“I want to come into the barn.” Wow, that is creepy to hear when her voice isn’t cheery or bubbly.

I shake my head. “Sorry, no can do. We’re fixing up the barn right now. Very delicate work, requires precision and a detail oriented mind. I’m sure you understand why it’s just Applejack and I in here.”

Pinkie raises an eyebrow. “Then why we’re you at Sugarcube Corner then?”

I roll my eyes. “Can’t work on an empty stomach, can we? I got a few pastries to tide us over while we work.”

Pinkie glares at the both of us. “Okey dokey lokey then.” She then turns around and starts walking away from us, mumbling under her breath.

I slowly shut the door. “You’re welcome, Applejack.”

She wipes her brow. “Thanks for the save there.”

I shake my head. “But for how long are we saved?”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Don’t you get it, Rarity? She knows something is up.” I throw my hands up. “Hell, she somehow followed me here?! How long before she comes back and actually gets inside?!”

They all glance between each other. “Blake’s right. If we’re gonna throw this party, it’s gonna have to be done soon.”

I motion around the barn. “Well then, what still needs to be done, Twilight?”

She glances around. “I think a few minor things are all we have left to do actually.”

I clap my hands. “Perfect. Alright, everybody find something to do. Rainbow, go grab Pinkie and get her back here. Knowing her, she’ll somehow have made back to Sugarcube Corner by now, which would defy all logic, but hey, it’s Pinkie.”

She salutes me. “On it.”

I grab her leg before she can bolt out the door. “And take your time, please? Give us some time to work here before you bring her back.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Just work as fast as you guys can.” She bolts out the door.

I sigh. Figures she wouldn’t listen to me. Ah well, just means we work faster. And Twilight was right, there really isn’t much left to do at this point. Fluttershy, Applejack, and I tie down the last of the balloons while Rarity and Twilight scatter around more streamers. Once our work is finished, I smirk at the sheer amount of decorations. Man, I’d hate to be that person.

“She’s coming everypony!” Oh, nice job being the spotter, Fluttershy.

“Alright everypony, get ready now!”

Yeah… Not happy to see Pinkamena, but I’d rather it be sooner rather than later. We all gather in the center of the room, with me being towards the back of the group just in case Pinkie does something… drastic. The main barn door swings open. “Come on, Pinkie! There’s something we need to show you!” Rainbow grunts out as she pushes Pinkie into the barn.

“Surprise!” We all yell out. Nice touch on Twilight’s part with magically tossing some confetti out. Might not help much, but still, a nice touch.

Pinkie stands there, arms crossed and giving us a death glare. No one makes a sound, save for Rarity gently coughing into her hand. “Well… Uh, are you surprised, Pinkie?” Oh, wrong thing to ask, Twilight.

“Surprised?! Oh sure, I’m surprised my friends decided to throw a party that they aren’t my friends anymore! Why’d you drag me out here, huh?! Just so you could rub it in my face?!”

I hold my hands out. “Woah, woah, calm down there. What gave you the impression that we aren’t friends anymore?”

She rolls her eyes. “Oh, like it isn’t obvious to you. You’ve all lied to me and have been avoiding me all day! Oh, but it doesn’t matter how Pinkie feels, since she’ll just laugh it off and be okay with it! I’m not okay with it!”

I throw my arms up. “For fucks sake then, we’ll just inform you next time we’re trying to throw a surprise birthday party for you! How’s that sound?! Saves us from having to be secretive then!”

Pinkie glances around the room. “You did all this… For my birthday?” We all nod our heads. Her hair poofs back up to its normally curly state, and now that I see it, her skin color brightens up. Ah, and there’s that trademark Pinkie smile. Before anyone can react, she’s pulling us all into a group hug. “Oh, I’m so sorry for doubting all of you!”

Once Pinkie releases us, Applejack gingerly pats her back. “Sorry ‘bout everything, sugarcube. We just didn’t want the surprise ta be ruined for ya.”

Pinkie rubs the back of her head. “Yeah, I’m sorry too. I guess I got a little loco in the coco.”

Rainbow raises an eyebrow. “You were talking to a turnip.” At our confused expressions, she shakes her head. “Don’t ask.”

Pinkie sighs. “I just assumed the worst when everypony started avoiding me.”

I shake my head. “Never assume with anything, especially your friends. Each of us has the best interests of each other in mind, and we will do our damnedest to remember those interests.” Something we forgot today, but I’m not letting them know that.

Twilight smiles. “I think that would make an excellent friendship report to the Princess.”

I smirk. “Make sure to quote who actually said it though.”

Pinkie wraps her arm around Twilight. “That can wait until after the party, right?”

Twilight rolls her eyes. “Of course, Pinkie.”

“Woohoo! This is going to be the bestest surprise birthday party ever!”

Author's Note:

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

Now let me ruin the classic story, "The Night Before Christmas", for everyone!

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