Dear Princess Twilight “Yanked My Mane Off To Fix Your Friend’s Mane” Sparkle,
What in the blazing-red phoenix happened to everypony today?
First, I got reports on a bizarre mane-napping scheme that simultaneously struck all the major towns and cities in Equestria, including mine of course. I reached out to try and get a list of who was affected by this. Crystal Empire, Manehatten, Rainbow Falls, Las Pegasus, Ponyville, the works.
I did not expect a letter of apology from you regarding what has to be one of the most baffling decisions you’ve made since turning your doll into an obsession magnet. Twilight “Seriously, What Was Your Thought Process Behind This Stupid Decision” Sparkle, is there truly no lengths you won’t snip off to try and fashion a hairpiece for Rarity that, for some reason, does not involve the copious amounts of purple hair on your person?
I get that hair magic is a bizarrely complicated matter that boggles the mind despite every other major advancement in spell-casting so far. Time travel and giant butterfly wings we can pin down in a scroll or book, yet the mane school of magic needs a damn master’s degree because there’s so many things about it that we still don’t get. Why does it use equivalent exchange? Why are mustaches free only for November? Why can chaos beings completely ignore such arbitrarily specific rules at will?
Actually, maybe the last question answers itself. For the rest of us, mane magic sits on the pillar right next to theoretical physics in sheer complexity. And you decided to try a get-hair-quick scheme because your friend was behaving like a maneiac that had no confidence in her ability to fix her appearance, despite her being a pony that’s best at improvising when one bad break throws her entire plan out the window. Last I heard, she won a fashion show in Manehatten with that strategy. How long did it take her to realize she could do the same thing here?
Presumably way too long, judging from the disastrous results you conjured on her behalf. For the record, I’m extremely disappointed in your judgment today. Luckily, all affected manes and tails will grow back in due time, including my own. I just have one request for you to pass along to your fashionista friend:
You better be ready to pass out a lot of free hats. I can’t risk this being fixed with more mane magic. Inevitably, there will be hell toupees if we try.
Wishing Both of You Had a Clear Head Before Worrying About the Mane Problem,
Princess Celestia
Sunny, what is it? I’m not in a great mood right now.
New look? Well, I guess I can see it for a moment—
Heh, those aren’t horns all over your head. Those are spikes.
No, not the dragon! Like… like the pointy and sharp bracelet you’re wearing. Those are spikes.
I don’t mean they belong to him. I… never mind. Your horn-filled head looks nice. Really makes me wish I had something to work with.
Oh? What does my head look like?
...Okay, for future notice, never call my head a cue ball ever again.