Really, Kinzie?
Kinzie Kensington took another long drink of water as she sat in her absurdly large beanbag chair, watching as her black-clad Boss exacted telekinetic revenge on an Emu that had hit her. At the very least, all the mayhem she was causing within the Simulation was giving her a window into the Zin's systems. With nothing better to do, she had since started sifting through other miscellaneous data. The series of text adventures about everyone's favorite cultured alien overlord had already ceased to amuse, after all.
She could hear arguing from above as the Boss and Johnny Gat emerged from the Simulation, idly listening to their banter.
"Damn, Boss, you drive like shit."
"I don't see you doing any better."
"Course you don't. You always drive."
"Hey, it's not my fault that that... fuck, do we have a name for those?"
"No."
"... Ball tanks? Fuck it. It's not my fault it landed ON THE CAR."
Kinzie stopped listening and focused on her work as their voices faded away, being able to hear Matt speaking on the other side of the ship. Her window was closing. She needed to hack quickly if she wanted to utilize it. Seeing little else to do with her time, she easily broke into the Zin's abduction databases.
---
The Boss opened her eyes to gaze upon the darkened, propaganda laden streets of virtual Sunset Park, peering out over the red grid "water" between the generic Saints surrounding the Gateway. After looking at her HUB for a moment, she crouched down, clenched her fist, and leapt high into the air, her black strategem coat fluttering behind her as she glided north. Just before landing atop a Compensator truck, the familiar, quiet three tone sound of a new objective played in her ear, followed by her Press Secretary's voice.
"I've found someone else we should free."
The President of the United States stood in the truck's trunk and surfed on it as she furrowed her brow. She had already rescued everyone she could (pronounced "any Saints she cared about") "Uh, Kinzie, we've alrea-"
"I need you to go play in traffic."
The Boss sighed. "I just did."
"Well, do it again. I need to get back into the Zin's systems to find more about her."
"Kinzie, why?"
"Because the Zin really didn't want me to find her."
The Boss grinned a little as she dismounted the Compensator and subsequently unloaded on it with her SMGs. "Which is good for us?"
Kinzie gave a non committal grunt.
"Fine. I'll go play in traffic." And off she sped, already dreading it.
---
Limping away from that excursion, two heartfelt birds were flipped at a passing semi before she fell onto her back on the pavement to be miserable for a few fleeting seconds. That tone sounded in her ear once more, and with grit teeth, the President tried to get the first word in.
"KIinnezeidey- ... "KAInNoZtIhEe-"
A long pause followed as the women awkwardly waited for the other to speak. A long enough pause to allow the leader of the Saints to get back on her feet, check her HUB's "cache" income, and to steal from a few pedestrians before Kinzie finally chimed in.
"Awkward. I found another rift for you to explore. Go."
"Kinzie, who are we doing this for?"
A brief pause. "I'll tell you in a bit."
As a marker came up in her vision, the Boss began dashing towards the new rift, but continued speaking. "Kinzie, why?"
"Because what I have looks like a wild goose chase."
"So this could just be a waste of time."
"Uh-huh." came Kinzie's absent reply.
"Figures."
---
"Stop it! STOP IT!" Twilight Sparkle screamed as she dashed through the streets of Ponyville, her eyes wide and her mane ragged as her hooves pounded dirt. Behind her, a veritable army of ponies, pursuing the unicorn closely and slowly gaining ground on her. "I didn't do anything!"
The horde did not respond. Nothing new. She attempted to teleport away, but it came as no surprise to her that the effort was wasted. As was the concentration, as she barely had time to dodge an incoming, divebombing pegasus swooping in from the front. A familiar divebombing pegasus.
Rainbow Dash wore a sickeningly devious grin as she began to chase the bookworm, her hooves outstretched and her rainbow mane blowing behind her in the wind. "You're goin' down, egghead!!" she yelled, getting low to the ground to try to sweep Twilight's legs out from underneath her.
Twilight jumped to try to dodge the attack, but one of Rainbow's wings caught her front left leg, making her spin and fall with a loud grunt from the victim. And as she scrambled to get back up, her front right leg was suddenly bound by an expertly thrown lasso and very harshly tightened and tugged upon.
"Applejack, s-stop! I'm your friend! Please!!" the librarian pleaded, weakly casting her gaze upwards at the rapidly approaching mare as she also tried to get back up. She swiftly averted her eyes, however... the wrathful expression upon the farmer's face was painful enough to see without the aching muscles and severe ropeburn.
Twilight lunged out of the way just in time for AJ's own lunge to meet her purple streaked tail, trying to sprint away again before the lasso tripped her again. The pounding of hooves quickly closed in on her and Twilight sighed defeatedly, shutting her eyes and resigning to this fate. The last thing she felt was intense, intense heat.
---
"Kinzie, what now?" the Boss quipped as she stepped into a Friendly Fire, browsing the inventory and debating what to spend her hard earned cashe on.
"We're doing this for a unicorn."
"A... unicorn."
"Her name is Twilight Sparkle," Kinzie began. "Apparently Zinyak abducted her from her home planet because she's an obstacle for his next invasion."
"Like with Gat."
"Yes. That's all I've got, though. Why don't you go blow some shit up?"
The Boss chuckled briefly. "See, Kinzie, if you talk more like that-"
"No," Kinzie flatly interrupted.
---
Twilight Sparkle, despite being out of breath, was doing her best to hold it as she hid in a cupboard within Sugarcube Corner, listening to the angry cries, death threats, and commands coming from outside. Truthfully, she was amazed that she managed to find a place to hide at all. A dark, hastily cleared kitchenware cupboard wasn't at all ideal, but it gave the exhausted unicorn some degree of respite from the senseless, inexplicable violence.
She kept a sharp ear out for movement as she allowed herself to pant every now and then, her tear-stained face buried in her front legs. "... Why is this happening..." she uttered in a nearly inaudible tone, shutting her eyes for the first time in a long while. "Why is this happening... why me...? What did I do to deserve this..."
"Did you look in Sugarcube Corner?"
It was faint, but she definitely heard it, making her tense right back up as she heard hooves approaching the sweet shop. She held her breath and listened as ponies began ransacking the bakery, struggling to keep herself quiet. Twilight wanted to cry and scream and beg for this nightmare to end, but the rational part of her told he-
The cupboard was flung open forcefully and without warning, making the unicorn cry out in terror. Pinkie Pie, mane deflated and eyes full of murder, clutched a dirty knife in her teeth. "Thehe hou ahe..." the terrifying party pony uttered with her mouth full, immediately rearing her head back to plunge the crumb covered blade into Twilight's side.
---
The Boss grinned at the utter sea of vehicular skeletons she had so deftly created, putting away her RPG and sprinting off into a long tunnel while waiting for Kinzie to start talking. For a moment, as she plowed through any other cars unfortunate to be in her way, she had to wonder just who this "unicorn" really was. Somehow she had to wonder if this was all some sort of trick being played by her bored Press Secretary. And speaking of whom...
"I found her. Her name is Twilight Sparkle, and s-"
"The more you tell me, the more this sounds like a really shitty joke," the President interrupted, seeming very much wary.
"I know. Head to the Broken Shillelegh. CID's waiting for you."
The leader of the Saints could only sigh as she changed course to head towards the oft visited sports bar.
---
"I am surprised you are not objecting more strongly," CID commented as the black clad woman stood near the now glowing doorway, getting her to turn around.
"What, you think this is bullshit, too?" she quipped with a raised eyebrow.
"I do not. Twilight Sparkle has been a captive of the Zin for 1 year, 3 months, 12 days, 43 minutes, and 18 seconds. If freed, she will likely prove a useful ally," CID replied earning a deep sigh from the one who helped free him.
"And how the fuck is a unicorn going to be a "useful ally"?" the President of the United States retorted, adjusting her Matrix style shades that hid her striking red eyes while in the Simulation. "How the fuck can a thing with hooves help us?!"
"You will see," came CID's monotone as the Boss shook her head, muttering violences and musings as her form disappeared into the bright white light of the Broken Shillelegh's front entrance.
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Haven't read yet, but D'awww, does our gangster-turned-crime lord-turned- movie star-turned-President of the United States of A-fucking-merica-turned- Savior of the planet have a soul?
5436087 Savior of the planet? Have you played Saints Row IV? The Earth gets blown up 2 or 3 hours in.
I never got to play the game, but I enjoy the Saints Row series.
I'll stick by this like glue until it ends.
5436114 played it to the point t you save the hacker guy. I meant savior of everyone left from Earth
5436137 You saved Matt and gave up? ... Hmm.
Interesting. I want to read more.
this is now the 3rd saints row IV crossover ive seen here and the second that i will be following, the first was cancelled and the second is taking awhile to update (if it does) hopefully this one will hold more promise though the idea is different being they are rescuing twilight instead of the other two which had them land in equestria
5436189 nope, my co-op buddy went on to another game. He had already beat IV, you see.
So you decided to use a female Boss for this one, eh?
Are you just teasing us with this story, or just making a quick like? Your sending off mixed signals. XD
Also considering you can pretty much get with anyone on the ship, even CID, I guess Twi isn't going to be a virgin anymore.
Let's see where this takes us.
quickmeme.com/img/7f/7fa6b0be9d5614e6e8aa57089f47c718ec462a462188bb1b058a1456cfd02d12.jpg
5437392
I agree with Hatty. As a bonus, Krieg seems interested.
BLOOOOOOD!
Nevermind.....
For some reason I keep imagining your boss using the French accent, is that wrong? I could just imagine her saying, "how am I supposed to find this 'Twilight'? Everyone here is a freaking horse!
Looks fun, look forward to more.
5439017 There's a Russian accent you can give the Boss, but no French. Now that you've said that, though, I'm gonna keep imagining that.
5439026 Actually, the Russian accent was only in SR3, listen carefully, in SR4 its French, believe me I played through the entire game with it. And it was fun
.
5439032 Really? .. Fuck, it sounded Russian to me.
5439051 Believe me, In the first 2 minutes of game-play she made quiche joke (if you choose to solve world hunger), I think that speaks for itself.
Holy shit, this actually seems like it could be a mission in Saints Row IV.
Keep doing this.
Please don't let this die. It's going to be so good.
"Twilight Jumped" needs the capitalization removed on the second word. I'll have to see where all this goes.
5439059 I am now replaying the game this way.
5437170 Yep. The male characters' animations always looked wonky to me in SR3, so I went female. And carried over that character to SRIV.
5437179 I smell a bonus chapter.
5439227 That is my goal.
5439757 Fixed.
Now you have my full attention *Fav'd*
5437179
5439945
Twilight x CID OTP!
(BTW, I finally got around to finishing SRIV last week, and today I used some leftover money to get SR3 in the waning days of Steam's holiday sale.)
Will you make a "Loyalty Mission" chapter where the Boss and Twilight share knowledge... BY BLOWING THE S**T OUT OF EVERYONE WITH AN RPG THAT LAUNCHES BOOKS!!! (sorry, thinking like SR4)
5440211 MAYBE!!
5440217
5440047 Mind officially blown. XD
Combining the gang banging, world dominating, Ladies/gentleman-seducing, Super president of the universe with the world of love & tolerance?
You, sir, earned a fav.
5436114 More like as soon as the Press gets to the Ship which is more like, half an hour into the game...
I have the feeling The Boss is going to be in Equestria for a looong time. Keep it up my good fellow
Awsome!!
Can't wait what happpens next...
And curious how will Twi handle all the killing.
don't really know anything about the saints row series beyond high jumping presidents but this still looks interesting.
Tiny thing to note, it's spelled "cache", not "cashe".
Anyway, I'm most certainly intrigued. You've done a good job of capturing the Saints' personalities so far (although I'm a little sad about the Boss being a lady, if only because I really like the Troy Baker voice, but that's a nitpick), and I'm curious as to how Twilight will react.
Hmm... Good start. Keep going with this.
I'm sorry. After playing Saint's Row 4, I just can't wrap my head around a concept such as this. It just wont stick to the wall I'm throwing it at. It seems very rushed with no detail in between. Describing actions in a video game seems pretty tasteless when you have already played the game. This is getting a down vote from me, my first in the past couple of years in my absence.
5444189 Can't please everyone, I guess. Besides seeming rushed, is there anything I could improve on?
Also, maybe stick around for chapter 2? It's coming out tomorrow, provided my internet is stable.
5444246
Saint's Row wasn't known for an intricate story line, but when put into writing, a story line is all there is. You can't have a cinematic action when all you have is describing words. I can't think of much to improve the story other then slowing down and trying to go more in depth on "The Big Boss" as an actual character than the psychopathic leader of the saints. But to me, some worlds just don't mix. You don't have to take my word for it.
I've only ever completed SR1 and 2. They were amazing. They had that seriousness about them, while still being crazy-ass games.
SR3, so far, is just 'eh'.
I haven't played SR4 yet, but that won't stop me from reading it.
This is immediately going into favorites, it will certainly be epic!
Also, on a side note, poor Twilight. On the other hand, redemption coming soon!
Lady!Boss, eh? This seems quite promising.
Of course while it's a good premise, what really matters if you have a story planned to carry it beyond that. But I guess we'll see.
5442144 imagine GTA less serious and constantly on drugs.
Then you add dubstep and 10x shit-talk and fun into that mix and you get Saints Row.
Longer chapters would be cool.
reminded me of Ed, Edd, n Eddy's big picture show
kind of a short chapter, but oh well, lets see where this is heading.
5436087 Yeah, if you don't piss them off.
little else to do with her time
1. Just an extra spacing here.
Wait... Sorry if this seems wrong to me because, well... The kitchen cupboards that I know of and use can't even fit a child. So I guess this was my personal thing as I was scratching my head here a little.
From what I gather in the comments, you have the option to be a Male or Female Boss which I think is the main character. And that this is also supposed to be funnier than GTA on a whole different scale. Got a friend that loves SR4 and he said exactly the same thing. Also adding that err... I can't remember exactly anymore but something about another game being a poor Saints Row ripoff. I think I'd better watch a video of SR4 just to have a better perspective.
Edit: I now think it was GTA V
Oh. Oh my god. OH. MAI. GOD. HOW!? HOW DID YOU GET THE CHARACTER I MADE DOWN TO A T? I NEVER LOOKED AT THIS FIC BEFOR, BUT SOMEHOW YOU GOT MY CHARACTER!? HOWWWWWW!!!!????
Super-powerful unicorn, plus extra super powers from the simulations?
Yea, Im'a read this...just as soon as I finish the game. Spoilers and all