Dear Fluttershy,
How come I never knew you had a brother? I feel like this was obvious information that we had covered once before, especially since Rainbow Dash also knows about your brother. Correction: he thinks she’s absolutely smitten with him (I doubt that) and wants to snuggle up with him in a nice fluffy cloud bed (I severely doubt that) while some singing ponies belt out a mood-setting tune as they bask in my sister’s glorious moonlight (seriously, your brother has an insane imagination if he thinks that would go down as he envisions it).
Now, you might be wondering why I know him, and the answer is remarkably simple:
He’s my new mane stylist!
And I simply must say he’s doing wonderful work so far! I’ve been trying for centuries to find a good stylist that understands how to work with my flowing river of a mane, but to think your brother was the one pony I needed to get it done properly?! It’s nigh unthinkable, you might say!
Yet it is so, and tonight he’s done his finest work yet. It’s a work of art so astounding and miraculous I’m surprised you thought he should keep to “normal” manestyling when clearly my mane is one of the most abnormal things in Equestria. Yes, this hair is just perfect for the fashion show I’m attending soon, and it’ll twist and turn heads all over the studio.
After all, it’s a tornado! A small one that’s more like the inside of an active blender, but it spins and everything! He even dyed it to look like someone vomited in it--it’s so psychedelically horrifying it will all but ensure everypony at the show stares in shock and awe at a fashion trend so avant-garde it will shake the foundations of Canterlot fashion in an instant!
Just imagine it: nobleponies trotting around my city with twister manes and dust devil tails! Oh, it will just look so disastrous, so messy… and oh so hilarious! I simply could not have done this without Zephyr’s unique sense of style, Fluttershy!
Oh, and he asked me to write you a thank-you note for helping him get this far! I am more than happy to oblige (just this once, any others he’ll do on his own time). If you hadn’t pushed him to succeed, he would have never found his place by me.
Never, because outside of his good work ethic and fabulous talent in mane design, his behavior around my staff is absolutely rancid. He’s only spent a single day in my castle, and I already have a stack of sexual harassment complaints from every mare in this castle, including me. It’s like he has this odd thought that now that he’s a somepony, it’s okay to be a rude, ego-inflating ass just because he does a good job that pays well.
Unfortunately for him, there’s still a thing called “workplace etiquette” that he still needs to learn, and learn now. Do note that I’m not saying you should probably come by soon and help teach him how not to be a smug prick. However, if this stack of complaints reaches the ceiling of my tower (it’s currently halfway and slowly rising), I’ll have to fire him.
I also warn you that if further complaints arise from his workplace behavior from other barbers or manestylists, I will be forced to blacklist him as a warning to any other hairy business across Equestria that he is not a pony they’ll want to hire due to his disgusting behavior around others. If he can’t learn to be respectful around other ponies, it doesn’t matter how skilled he is at his craft. There is no “me” in team… wait, I think that should be “I”, and working with others is key for his success.
I’m not giving up on him, despite my complaints. Thus, I’ll be giving him a once-over six-hour lecture on how not to be a self-centered egomaniac shortly. If he doesn’t learn anything from it, I might require your assistance assuming you’re willing to help your dear little brother once again.
I’ll keep in touch should it come to that.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Luna! There you are--oh my, did Zephyr do your hair too?!
I know! A black hole bun really does suit you! I, uh, hope it hasn't crushed anything though.
We're fine so long as nopony touches it? Good, good. Most ponies will want to keep some distance out of respect as well. Anyway, have you hired the photographer?
...Erm, Pinkie is an unexpected choice, dear sister. But so long as she keeps her distance from you, I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong.
Wait, no. There is one thing. Oh, Zephyr? Could you come here, please?
There you are. You are aware of our body doubles, correct? I know you might want to try something different, possibly out-of-this-world with them, but do exercise some restraint for now. Keep your maneiac ideas for us until we feel confident that they can handle your styles, okay?