Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Luna Eclipsed
Dear Princess Celestia,
Hey, here's a question for you, Princess. Do you have any fucking clue how to be a good sister? From what I experienced tonight, I'd say Applejack and Rarity are better sisters than you, and believe me, that's saying A LOT.
So Nightmare Night has rolled around again, and unfortunately, Spike talked me out of giving out Slim Jims, so I'm just handing out regular candy. I also found it interesting that Granny Smith was watching over three fillies, yet none of them was her grandchild. My costume this year is Star Swirl the Bearded, the unicorn I'm not afraid to admit puts my fine ass to shame. Of course, none of these simpletons knew who he was. Kinda pissed me off, because these rows were hoof-stitched. Yeah, that's right didn't even use my magic to sew, and...I'm not really sure why.
So we all gathered around the stage so our clown of a mayor could introduce our resident zegro, who took us out to the Nightmare Moon statue. For a few moments, I began to wonder if it was the real Nightmare Moon, since, you know, you love turning villains into stone then putting them on display. We were in the middle of giving our sacrifice to the statue when a chariot descends from the night sky, with none other than the Princess of the Night. So of course they run in fright.
The rest of the night was a demonstration of how little to nothing you've done to bring your sister up to speed.
First and foremost, I can't believe you didn't tell her that you stopped using the Thu'um like 900 years ago. Because it turns out, ponies don't like being screamed at. Which one was she using, Storm Call? Because lightning began flashing whenever she opened her damn mouth.
Secondly, whenever she wasn't shouting, her dialogue was in this old time English. I mean, seriously, what the hell have you been doing for the past year? Snickering behind her back, going “Oh it's gonna be so hilarious when she goes out in public again.”
Apparently, “fun” was only invented 998 years ago, because Luna didn't have a clue what it was. To be honest, it wasn't too fun for me either. What's so fun about throwing fake spiders onto a web and launching pumpkins that aren't aimed at any other ponies or buildings? Come on.
But Luna knew how to spice things up. She turned the plush spiders into real spiders, and caused the whole town to go into a panic. Now THIS was Nightmare Night. I'm also curious as to why Pinkie was leading the fillies around making them think that Luna was a carnivore. So basically it was a carnivore making fillies afraid of somepony who really isn't a carnivore. This place never ceases to amaze me. Especially because the fillies run around town WANTING to be scared all night. Oh well. Small price to pay for free candy. Luna's much more fun and enjoyable than you.
Your ungrateful whelp,
Twilight Sparkle