Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.
To Everypony,
You get a parent! You get a parent! You all get parents!!!
-Hasbro
To Hasbro,
Where’s my other parent? So far, everypony at least were shown both of their parents. Why do you only give me half of them? And a crappy one at that!!
Pissed off,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Starlight,
Because they had to use the excuse of them being overbearing parents to explain why you never visit them at all unless you want them both dead like, AJ’s parents. Just be glad your parents didn’t humiliate you in front of thousands of ponies.
Sincerely,
Rainbow Dash
Dear Ex-Student,
Ha! You have such a shitty father! Luckily, my own parents are superior to yours.
Your ex-teacher,
Headmistress Twilight
Dear Ex-Teacher,
Your parents left you under the care of a molester for a mentor. So, tell me, how are they superior to my father again?
Your ex-student,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Stellar Flare,
Drinking fruit through smoothies is not as cool as you think. Trust me. Try drinking it for seven hundred years and you may notice some heavy side effects.
Signed,
Captain B. McCrea of the Axiom
Dear Stellar Flare,
I may be in need of those special perfumes of yours.
Your ghostly under the sea captain,
The Flying Dutchman
Dear Father,
I’m sure that even the so-called “Princess of Friendship” would disagree with the notion of not being able to touch or read books in a fucking bookstore.
Your daughter,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Daughter,
Just take a look at Griffonstone and you can see how not preserving their library caused it to end up that way it is now. I’m totally justified.
And such language! Do you want me to get the paddle and soap again?
Your father,
Firelight
Dear Sunburst,
Just be glad we didn't visit my granny instead. The last time I visited her, she tried wacking me with a baseball bat for the next five days. It didn't help that she knew where I was the whole time with the creaking floorboards in the house.
Sincerely,
Starlight
Dear Starlight,
So, your dad showed me your room before we left.
Was it just a phase? The same phase that caused you to start stealing cutie marks?
Sincerely,
Sunburst
Dear Sunburst,
I’m pretty sure “spends entire allowance at Hay Topic” and “cutie mark stealing cult leader” qualify as two separate phases.
Sincerely,
Starlight
Letter 1
Dear Sunburst,
How are you? I hope you have done well in applying your magical talents in school.
Sincerely,
Stellar Flare
Letter 117
Dear Sunburst,
Hi, son! It’s your mummy again. How’s everything? By the way, when was the last time you talked to Starlight? Ever since you went to magic school, have you ever tried contacting her? I’m not getting any older, you know. I want grand-foals! I got the wedding plans done ahead of time before you even propose to her!
Sincerely,
Stellar Flare
Letter 118
Dear Sunburst,
Hi, dearie! It’s your mother once again. Why haven’t you replied back to my messages? Since you flunked out of magic school and moved to the Crystal Empire, you must have plenty of time to chat with your own mother.
By the way, did you ever bring a cloak with you to keep yourself warm? Perhaps I should starts planning on sending extra thick sweaters for you! Because you never know what might happen. I mean a blizzard, perhaps, could probably start storming into the Crystal Empire. It pays to be prepared.
Sincerely,
Stellar Flare
Letter 119
Dear Sunburst,
I had to mail this straight away when I heard the news. You’ve become a Royal Crystaller! Oh, you have make your mother so proud!! I have a party planned and everything. Just drop by Sire's Hollow when you’re free and we can celebrate together.
Sincerely,
Stellar Flare
Letter 144
Dear Sunburst,
Heard that you visited Starlight for her graduation ceremony. Maybe you should use this opportunity for you two to get together. You’re very lucky that she’s still single, you know? Maybe you should consider inviting her over to the Crystal Empire to continue her magic studies with you.
But don’t worry if you two get too ambitious and try more complicated spells that could potentially create a black hole. I got this Time Turner fellow to help you in case anything like that ever happens.
Sincerely,
Stellar Flare
Letter 167
Dear Sunburst,
I’m so proud to hear that you’ve taken the initiative to try to bond with Starlight. I can practically hear the wedding bells ringing around the corner. I even got all your favorite board games you two used to play together like Dragon Pit so you can bond with Starlight all the more!
Sincerely,
Stellar Flare
Letter 168
Dear Sunburst,
So? How did it go with you and Starlight? Hopefully, you’re not doing anything dangerous with Starlight, like accidentally unleashing ancient evils.
But don’t worry my son. I got this Japanese Samurai from the future whom has experience dealing with such situations. Just message me if you need any assistance.
Sincerely,
Stellar Flare
