Dear Rainbow Crash,
I stuck my neck out for you. Did it for years getting on Spitfire’s case to turn you into a Wonderbolt. I've pressured her into expanding her roster, but when she wouldn't budge citing such sound reasons like “we don’t have any spare suits” and “there are no formation plans bigger than a hexagon”, I conceded to wait for a retiree to leave so you can take their place. Not the most expedient solution available given you’ve had to wait a few years for this, but one nonetheless. And look at you, you’re finally a Wonderbolt! Congratulations!
Now, I would offer a nice, lengthy list of praise for you, but you must have noticed that lovely nickname of yours on top. Why is that? Well, I’ve received a copy of your disciplinary documents just this afternoon detailing your month-long probation. Live Wire places the rookie mistake nicknames on these documents not because she wants to, but because I specifically requested it after eavesdropping hearing from her about her running into an electric fence. It was quite a shock to learn! But you should have seen how stunned she was when I told her I knew! Oh, her mane hairs nearly stood on end!
I should have taken a picture. Uh, for the memories. Yes. Anyway…
So, your first big outing with the Wonderbolts ended in outstanding disaster involving some ‘impressive’ maneuvers that quite literally landed you in a sticky situation, all because you thought them using your childhood nickname was a bit mean-spirited, so you went out of your way to impress them so they’d stop calling you that and recognize your awesomeness, or something along those lines.
Rainbow, do you have any idea how utterly ridiculous this sounds? Had the thought not occurred to you at all that they had no idea about your childhood trauma, and therefore might be using that ‘old’ name of yours in an entirely different set of circumstances? What happened in your head that perpetuated such a notion that the Wonderbolts were truly being mean and petty? Well, other than all the other times they actually acted mean and petty, that is.
But times change, and so have they. I’ve been cracking the whip on them for a good year to get their act together, and wouldn’t you know it, they’re finally functional and giving a damn about their work. Truly, I wouldn’t have made this much progress in getting them to knock off their shady antics without you pushing yourself each day to be the Wonderbolt they wanted in their group.
However, doesn’t it seem like they took their sweet time getting you in, waiting for a pony to retire so a spot opened up? Didn’t that sort of situation almost happen with Wind Rider, who ended up receiving a dishonorable discharge but still opened up a spot in their roster? I’ll bet you’re wondering who filled that spot instead of you and made you wait almost a whole year for a new spot to open up if they were so eager to get you in since you joined the Reserves…
Well, you don’t have to wonder. I will admit that I delayed your admission into their group and had them choose another candidate to fill that spot. Why? Because I wanted to see if you could go for a year without being the cause of a catastrophic incident on the scale of blowing up the weather factory. I feared that you might cause further explosive chaos as a Wonderbolt--a loose cannon, so to speak--and essentially destroy their public reputation along with your own. And you impressed me with your restraint over that year, Rainbow Dash.
Anyway, now that you’re in, I fully expect you to exercise that same restraint as before. Playtime’s over, Rainbow Dash--being a Wonderbolt is serious business, and you know that now. Show me that your efforts and my whip-cracking weren’t in vain.
Hopefully I’ll look forward to many other disciplinary reports that don’t have Rainbow Crash on it.
Best Regards,
Princess Celestia
~~~
Dear Live Wire,
First off, thank you for accepting my request to delay Rainbow’s acceptance for a year. I know it’s a decision you weren’t happy to make, but I assured you this was the right thing to do.
I knew that despite Rainbow doing a lot of big things as a hero, there have been moments where she didn’t do the right thing. I wanted to be sure that she wouldn’t do any wrong and/or stupid things for a year at minimum just to prove to me that she could have a period of time where she wouldn’t be at the center of any incredible incidents. I realize that sort of statement considering the behavior of your establishment over the prior years was tenuous at the time, but imagine my surprise when you actually decided to be cooperative (and dare I say respectful) of my request.
Further, over the past year, there hasn’t been a single mane hair’s worth of trouble from you or your fellow Wonderbolts. Consider me floored by this revelation… well, either that or you got good at hiding your tracks again. Whatever the case is, you actually know what you’re doing, and you’re doing it well as far as I can tell.
There is one small caveat I have trouble accepting, however. In regards to your latest Wonderbolt addition, I can’t help but wonder if there wasn’t a single moment where you had ample opportunity to explain to Rainbow Dash the whole situation regarding your group’s hazing.
I realize this is something that any commonpony would pick up on as mild ribbing banter, but let’s not forget that your Wonderbolt brigade isn’t a common thing, Rainbow Dash isn’t an ordinary pony, and the environment your headquarters provides isn’t like the bustling town she grew up in. She’s also been known to miss some of the most glaringly obvious cues in social settings, so yes, this did require an explanation for her to fully comprehend. Of course, I’m sure you took all of this into consideration when you brought her in, because you’re perceptive like that.
Or not, given the timing that this incident was resolved according to the reports I received. But hey, now that this is all out in the open, I’m not going to hear of any more foul-ups from any of the Wonderbolts including your newest member, right?
Right?
I’m not holding my breath, but I suppose it’s all up to you to prove me wrong. You’ve proven you can keep things together for a year, and I’m willing to forgive a flub like this assuming there won’t be any other incidents.
But if there’s another issue, you’d best keep your ears tuned to your door. Because I’ll be knocking.
Wishing You Good Fortune (You Need It Now),
Princess Celestia
...Alright, I’ll bite. Why is there a volatile storm cloud near my balcony?
Sunny? Moony? Why are you two dressed like colorblind Wonderbolts? Their primary color isn’t green.
Earning nicknames?! Where did you get that idea--OKAY NO, punching a storm cloud is NOT how you get called “Lightning Strike!” And where did you get this cloud?!
Okay, who leaves a lone storm cloud floating around in Ponyville?! Were the Wonderbolts not doing their job--oh hey, I guess I can ream them about that later… i-is something burning?
NO! Get this cloud out of my room THIS INSTANT! I can put out the fire on my bed by myself aaaaaand the cloud’s raining. Perfect.
No, Sunny. Again, not quite the way you earn the nickname “Heavy Rain”, but you’re getting close to what it takes to get a nickname like that. Very, very close.