Sparkle's No. 1 Assistant

by Wanderer D

Loyalty Mission 5: Derpy's Quest Pt.14

Ernest Stockovich wasn't his real name. Hell, he didn't even know if 'Stockovich' was a real last name, but he had heard it (or something similar) somewhere during a visit to Omega and it had stuck in his head. So when he had abandoned the Nexus and become a pirate, he had changed his last name so his family would never have to face the infamy of his actions.

Ernest Stockovich would rise to the highest levels of infamy and crime, and he would lead hundreds of people in his empire of evil! Once he got promoted from head cook at the kitchen, that was.

If he was honest with himself, he never thought the chance to move up in the ladder of criminality would come in the middle of a large scale battle against even more unknown aliens, but he would have loved to shove that into his parents faces and scream: "See?! I told you I would amount to something!"

It never occurred to him until now—when he was surrounded by other pirates, all pointing their guns at the door at the end of a hallway, inside a ship they had stolen from some crazy alien species—that none of his family would be alive six hundred years later, nor would their descendants ever care about what happened to him in another Galaxy altogether. 

In other words, he had left home, angry and trying to prove a point, only to be frozen for a few centuries and transported too far for it to matter.

And then he had to wonder what the hell, exactly, he was trying to prove to his mom now that there was no mom to prove anything to, and why the hell he had agreed to join this insane batarian pirate against the craziest woman in the known universe. Hell, it was still a coin toss between Shepard and Sunset Ryder amongst most pirates.

Was getting into a brawl with the Pathfinder really worth it to be among all of these sweaty, disgusting murderers and traitors when he could have started a brand new life as a cook on the Nexus and eventually a chef in one of the colonized worlds?

"Hey, Stuck-Up—"

"It's 'Stockovich'."

The Batarian nodded in acknowledgment. Names were important to them, after all. "Stuck-up bitch," he said solemnly, "keep those two tiny water balls you call eyes on the door. Sensors indicated one of them was—"

"Contact!"

Immediately his attention went to the door which had opened into utter darkness. And then the lights went off. Things became quiet for a few seconds before others started turning on their tools to try and see. He could hear his heartbeat even on top of the swearing and mad attempts to use omni tools to illuminate the area, but just then, the red emergency lights came on, and he could see at the end of the corridor…

"What the hell is that thing!?"

"A unicorn?" he muttered in surprise.

It grinned. "Oh, you know what I am?" she asked, surprising him. Horses could talk? "Then let's make sure I leave an impression on all of you."

She started walking towards them, and immediately the others opened fire… but the blasts didn't hit. 

The smashed against something… 

"Biotics! It's biotic!"

But something was odd.. it wasn't a normal kinetic or biotic shield, it was like… a bubble of something. Ernest wasn't biotic, but he had been around some people that were, and the feel… it was different, whatever it was, it wasn't normal biotics. 

The shots were hitting the bubble, barely even leaving ripples, and then—

The batarian next to him flew back, his shoulder bleeding. "Gah! It's returning our shots!"

Ernest watched in horror as two fellow pirates were suddenly and violently levitated and smacked together with great force, their bodies crumpling to the floor like rag dolls. 

The unicorn kept advancing, grinning a very disturbing smile, as shots kept bouncing from her shield. She ripped a piece of the wall and smacked the whole thing against an asari who had tried to raise her own shield to block it, but it popped like a bubble of soap.

The asari did not rise again.

Another pirate dropped, grabbed by the ankles with the strange unicorn's biotics and dragged screaming into the darkness behind her. 

By then it was chaos, the others kept shooting but were also running away. 

The batarian that had admonished him earlier fell behind him as he ran to the door along the others and pressed the button to close it, sealing it just before the batarian—or the unicorn—could reach them.

He could hear the batarian banging on the door until it went quiet. Ernest and the others took a few steps back, raising their weapons, even though they knew by now it wouldn't work. The unicorn was deadly.

They would not be able to stop it… but it was better dying on their feet than without trying to defend themselves, after all.

And that's when the wall next to them exploded, taking down a salarian and another human. Shots came out, disarming him, just as a massive krogan barged into, and emptied a shotgun shell, in the face of one of the very few angaras of the crew. 

Ernest then was pushed against the wall and held there by the hoof of.. a blonde pegasus. "Tell me everything, human!"

"...a-and then my mom said I'd never amount to anything, I shouted that I would prove her w-wrong when I left for Andromeda, but I never told her, and she never knew what happened to me!"

"Oh, you poor thing," Derpy said, pausing her tweaking of the ftl system to pat his shoulder. "Be a dear and pass me that sensor over there, would you?"

"S-sure…"

EDI shook her head. It was a decidedly human behavior she had incorporated to appease organic sensibilities, but despite it being unnecessary under the circumstances, it somehow managed to be a perfect example of silent physical communication, as most of the gagged and bound prisoners gave her understanding looks.

"Now, Ernest," Derpy said as she focused again on the ship. "You have to understand that parents have expectations of their children, and sometimes they are a bit too unrealistic… we're all flawed, after all, but that doesn't mean that you have to live up to that to make her proud. I'm sure that once things calmed down and you got your culinary degree like you wanted, she would have been very proud of you."

"Y-you think so?"

"I know so! Now, please push those levers up slowly, I'll tell you when to stop."

Having flown with Shepard and witnessing all the deadly missions the crew (and Cerberus) had performed, it was surprising to her just how small the loss of life had been so far. Except for Commander Sparkle, Octavia, and Wrex, the other ponies were less likely to take deadly shots, although Rarity took particular glee on her precision when disabling her opponents.

And yet, perhaps because they were so adaptable and quick to learn (after all, she had only needed to coach Derpy once since they had arrived at Engineering), the mission was going within acceptable parameters so far.

While the Normandy had been 'sleeping', EDI had been unwilling to engage the world outside. Initial scans of the planet had indicated that the locals had no technology worth noting, and therefore, without the crew being available, there was little point in remaining active. That had all changed when Wrex had returned to check on the ship.

He had insisted for some time that she emerge from the ship, but EDI had refused. She had never expected the locals to have developed in such a unique way, and much as she loathed to admit it, now that she could see what the inhabitants of Equestria were capable of, Wrex had been right all along: These ponies were crazy.

"What do you mean 'lost contact'?" Dray asked, tearing his attention away from the battle where his carefully built empire was being destroyed by Remnants under the command of that insufferable human!

How in the name of the Hegemony had he forgotten the rotten human anti-slaver had an ancient army at her beck and call? Nothing to be done now but win. Win and enslave them all! He would bring the Hegemony to the Andromeda Galaxy and bring back the rule of his people! He'd insert the suppressors straight into their skulls himself, he'd—

"Sir!" 

He snapped out of it. "Well, what are you waiting for? Send more men!"

"We did!" the other batarian answered, putting up a screen where they could all see the mess hall. Several of their pirates had taken cover behind overturned tables, and were shooting at the other side of the room, where two of those creatures that Elora had captured. This whole mess was her fault. Had she even really been part of Eclipse? He shook his head, noticing that one of them was shooting a Black Widow sniper rifle like she had been born with it, while the other's biotics were making short work of his crew's weapons.

Another screen showed a krogan warrior mowing down several of his pirates as he charged through the hallway.

"Huh. If it wasn't impossible, I'd say that was Urdnot Wrex," one of the Salarians under his command said. His voice took a decidedly hysterical tone. "But it's impossible, right?"

"First the Pathfinder and her crew… then the Remnants, then the Normandy, then these… creatures, then one of the most infamous Krogan mercenaries in the Milky Way Galaxy… what in the name of the Hegemony is happening?" Dray roared.

"You made a mistake," a female voice stated.

Dray and his crew all turned to stare at the purple, armed and armored ongulate that stood proudly with a grin on her face right in front of the bridge's window. 

"Who the hell are you!?" Dray asked, pulling out his weapons, as did the others.

The female simply smiled. Behind her, explosions and weapons lit space, and if it wasn't enough, the Normandy suddenly flashed by, lighting the void behind her in rainbows that bathed the whole bridge in pastel colors as the ship shook as if hit by an EMP.

"I'm Commander Twilight Sparkle, and you…" She sneered. "...are about to discover why no creature messes with my crew."