//------------------------------//
// The Crystalling 
// Story: Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by milesprower06 
//------------------------------//

Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Additional contributions by MixMassBasher







Memo to The Crystalling Ceremony Planning Committee

Can somepony please get down to Afriquestria and see if Rafiki can be our Crystaller?

Thanks,
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza









Dear Cadance,

What the hell is with your subjects? Was there an insanely awesome rock concert or something?

-AJ









Applejack,

Yeah, sorry about that. Discord hosted the EWE's "WrestleMane-ia" event here last month. It was pretty crazy. Ponies got used to camping out for tickets and good seats.









Dear Princess Celestia,

So, that's your plan? Fly around shooting at clouds? Why not just move the sun closer to the ground? Or ask the Yaks for help. If they start trashing everything we can just leave.

-Twilight









Dear Sunburst,

So if I'm understanding this right, you have an insane amount of knowledge about how to solve problems, but don't really know how to go about solving them?

I know the perfect career path for you. Mayor, governor, congresspony. The world of politics is for you!

Meanwhile I'll just be down in Ponyville, living off of the local government.

Sincerely,
Starlight









Yer a wizard, Sunny.

-Haygrid









Well, good news. I think we can take this Relic Reconstitution tome and make it the Crystal Meth Empire's new holy book.

-Twilight









Global warming.

Brought to you by the Crystal Heart.









Dear Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,

Don't worry about fixing the holes in your castle. I can build you an entirely new one with just one annoying catchy song. The only downside is that you might have to face eternal winter again.

A fellow ruler,
Queen Elsa









Ponyville's Friendship Castle was silent as the grave, as all the occupants had traveled north for the Crystal Empire's Crystalling Ceremony.

That is, until the magical portal mirror in the library began to glow. The portal opened up, and out came a gold-coated unicorn, with a red and yellow striped mane.

Sunset Shimmer planted her hooves on the ground of the castle, a double barreled shotgun in the grasp of her magic.

"Alright, where is that bitch? There can only be one student!"









To my dearest, sexiest student, Starlight,

I knew this would work out. Fax Machine didn't bother me at all today. But if you catch him flexing in front of any mirrors, feel free to bitchslap him. He's used to it.

-Twilight









Dearest teacher,

Might I suggest at the very least, you give these doors numbers? I opened one door and this evil-looking monkey just stared and pointed at me.

-Starlight