//------------------------------//
// The Fault In Our Lack of Earplugs 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
//------------------------------//

Dear Gilda--yes Gabriella, I'm writing a letter right now so you can send it, so could you please be patient?!

...Ahem. Gilda.

Who is this girl? Or more specifically, what have I done to deserve this gabbing postal griffon that refuses to leave my room until I give her some letter, ANY letter to deliver? Did you send her away so she wouldn’t bother you anymore? If so, I respect that and have a full understanding of why you did so.

This does not mean I like you for it.


My ears are starting to bleed from her story about how she saw you getting friendship lessons from Pinkie and Rainbow, and because of that she wanted to see more ponies. Now after some thing she prattled on about getting a cutie mark--she didn't, despite waving around a painted wooden shield that she claims is her cutie mark. Adorable, but also pretty cuckoo if you ask me--and getting a ‘cuteceanera’ from Pinkie, she wants to see ALL the ponies whilst making her mail deliveries in and out of Griffonstone, and unfortunately one of those deliveries happened to come to me.

She. Won't. Shut. Up. About. This. In the time it took for me to summarize what she said, she recanted this story to me in intricate detail twice over. And a third time happening right now, as she’s blissfully unaware of my commentary as she prattles on about how huge of a Crusaders fan she is and how they helped her with her… cutie mark problem. A problem, mind you, that I cannot believe exists for anyone but the strongly misinformed and/or stupefyingly naive. Fortunately for her, she happened to be both.


Still, miss Gabby Gullible managed to get her ducks in a row thanks to the collective mind behind Gabby Gums, except they focused on being truthful this time. I… should actually take some notes on this for the other little ‘children’ under my care. On another note, said children probably shouldn’t communicate with Gabby. Ever. Under no circumstances should they talk, because the talking would have no foreseeable end--Oh horseapples, why is she here now of all times?! 


Uh, I’m extremely busy writing some mail, Sunny! Don’t want to be disturbed!


No, it’s not a new friend on the other side of the door! It’s just a postal griffon. A very chatty, highly excitable postal griffon.


You can’t see her right now, because I’ve just finished the letter and she needs to go deliver it ASAP! Here, take it! Take it now before she gets in the ro--


Oh, double horseapples. They locked eyes with each other.

Welp, I guess I can wave goodbye to my beauty sleep. Unless... Gilda, you wouldn't happen to have a good recommendation for earplugs, would you? Please respond as soon as miss Gabby delivers it.

Best regards (and a plea for help), 

Princess Celestia