//------------------------------// // First Impressions: Princess Celestia // Story: Permanent Vacation // by Apple_Crack //------------------------------// “Permanent Vacation” First Impressions: Princess Celestia         Celestia finishes her welcome to me.         “Excuse me, Princess, but do you have a banana I could eat right now? I’m still a little hungry,” I ask.         Celestia nods her head. “But of course.” Her horn glows, and with a little pop, a banana now floats beside her.         I eye the banana. “What is this? I asked for an apple, not a freaking banana!”         Celestia shakes her head. “My mistake, allow me to correct this.” Again, a popping sound accompanies the appearance of the apple.          “Estás loco? Pedí un melocotón!”         Celestia’s smile falters slightly, but returns to normal in seconds. With a nod of her head, a peach now floats beside her. Damn, really thought the whole Spanish speaking thing would throw her for a loop. Then again, she is a Princess of Equestria, and I’m sure her subjects speak multiple languages. I shake my head, and the fruit beside Celestia disappears. “Forget it, I lost my appetite now.” I turn my head to right and start talking to an imaginary person. “I know right? They bow for her but not for me? I don’t have to take this treatment,” I say, turning my head back to Celestia. I do a double take and gasp, squeezing the air to the left of me in a mock hug.         “Yay! You’re back! I missed you so much! I’m sorry for last time, it’ll never happen again. Anyway, I have so much to tell you! I got Borderlands 2 and beat it in two weeks. I took a trip to K-Mart. I had a weird dream with a banana and a dog in space… or was it underwater? And I ate some Skittles but they didn’t taste like rainbows. And—”         “Excuse me, but who are you talking to?” Celestia interrupts as I turn my head to face her and see no visible difference… wait, was that a twitch under her eye? Behind her, the reactions of the girls vary. Twilight looks like she’s hyperventilating, Applejack has pulled her Stetson down over her eyes, Fluttershy is quivering behind Applejack, Rarity’s jaw is wide open, Rainbow has her head cocked to the side, and Pinkie is staring at the space to my right . By now, I’m cracking up inside and just barely holding it together.         I wrap my arm around the air to the right. “Oh, this is my friend Texty! Say hi, Texty!”         Pinkie madly waves. “Hi, Texty! I’m Pinkie Pie! Wanna be friends too? You do?! Yippee! I’m gonna need another party for making two new friends in one day! I’m gonna call it the—”         “Pinkie, what exactly do you see?” Twilight asks, still panting slightly.         “That giant floating text box over by Blake. Don’t you girls see him too?” How can she see something that isn’t real? The girls glance between Pinkie and the space where “Texty” is multiple times. They all silently nod their heads, presumably to spare Pinkie’s feelings. I pull my shirt up so only my face is exposed. Throwing my hands in the air, I scream, “I am the great Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole!” The girls eyes go wide and they take a step back, save for Celestia, who hasn’t flinched.         I can’t take it anymore. My eyes are watering so bad from how funny this is. I slap my good knee and burst out laughing, falling onto the floor.         “Hey! What’s so funny?” Rainbow asks.         “You! You actually believed I was insane!” I manage to say between fits of laughter.  “And I did it to a princess as well!” I clutch my side in pain but continue on anyways, “Man, I haven’t laughed this hard in years!”         “Uh, what just happened?” Applejack asks as she scratches her head.         I finish laughing and get up off the floor. “Haven’t you heard of a prank before? Trust me, I’m not insane, I just wanted to pull a little prank. I’m sorry, Princess, but I just couldn’t resist the opportunity,” I bow slightly, “Anyway, it is an honor to meet you, Princess. My name is Blake Quinter, but just call me Blake.”         If she is surprised or enraged by my prank, she doesn’t show it. She just chuckles lightly. “It has been some time since I was pranked last,” Celestia turns her head to the window with a distant look in her eyes, “I thoroughly enjoyed those times with my sister.”         “I hate to be so blunt and ruin this tearful moment, but I pretty sure you have some questions you want answered. I also want to ask you a few things but would prefer to be in a more… secluded place.”         Celestia turns her head back to me, blinking her eyes a few times. Regaining her composure, her horn lights up and a yellow dome encircles just her and me. Outside of the dome, I can see the girls’ mouths moving but can’t hear them.         “There. You can speak freely here, not a word of it will be heard by anypony other than me.”         “Alright, why the hell am I here in Equestria?!” I jab my finger at her, “I’m pretty sure you had something to do with it. Or did Twilight screw up a spell again because that’s pretty common for her.”         “You are not the first creature of your kind to be here.”         I feel my jaw hanging wide open. I snap it shut and shake my head. “I’m sorry, I must not have heard that right. Did you say that I’m not the first human to be here?”         “That is correct. Are you aware of the Elements—”         “Of Harmony? Yeah, I know of them. Each of those girls out there represents one of the Elements. Rainbow and Loyalty, Twilight and Magic, Rarity and Generosity, Pinkie and Laughter, Applejack and Honesty, and Fluttershy and Kindness.”         “Yes… Well, many years ago my sister and I—”         “Used the Elements to encase the god of chaos, Discord, in stone. I’ve heard this many times by now so if we could speed this up, that would be great.” God, I wish I had a cup of coffee right now.         By now, Celestia’s eyes are wide. Seriously, I must really be freaking her out right now.  She blinks a few times before regaining her composure. “When my sister and I used the Elements, a strange creature similar in appearance to you landed before us, unconscious. When he awoke several hours later, he was scared and confused but later came to accept his current situation. He told us of another world called Earth and his life back there.” “He came to accept his life here and made many discoveries about the magical energies of our world. His knowledge of technology allowed us to make our own advancements, like TV and radio. To hide his true nature, I cast a spell on him that made anypony see him as a unicorn. He came to be one of my best friends in all of Equestria.,” She lets out a small sigh. “He made many wonderful contributions to our world before he passed on from old age.”         “So hold on. You mean to tell me that the Elements caused me to come here? Why would they do that? It makes no sense!”         “I’m afraid that I do not know why or how the Elements brought you here. They were used several times after our imprisonment of Discord but only on that one occasion did a human ever appear,” her eyes turn into slits and glare at me as her voice drips with menace, “but maybe you can answer this. How do you know so much about my subjects and our history? The last human didn’t know a thing.”         I gulp and rub the back of my head. I guess I kinda gave out too much info. May as well tell her the truth before things escalate. “Well, your world is just a TV show meant for viewers, like myself, to watch and enjoy. I know certain things about your past and the future adventures of the Elements. I can only assume the reason that you’re real is because this is an alternate universe or some strange relative fictionality. Please don’t hurt me,” I say, turning away from her and covering my face. “I sense you are indeed telling the truth. Oh, and in retaliation from your prank, gotcha.” I turn my head to look at Celestia who has the slightest smirk on her face. Oh, she’s good. I should have known that she wouldn’t hurt me unless I threatened her or her subjects. I smile and laugh with her at my expense. “You really had me going there for a bit. I think we are going to get along just fine.” As our chuckles die down, I ask her, “Right, so I have a few questions for you. First, I assume you know about electricity so I have to ask, how are my electronic devices working? I saw gems sticking out the sides of some devices but can’t understand why.” “You have items with you? The last human didn’t have anything save for the clothes on his back.” “Yeah, my entire house is in the Everfree Forest.” “Well then, I’ll make arrangements to move it into town behind the library right away. It should be here by tomorrow at seven.” “Thanks for that. I don’t feel like taking a walk every time I wanted to visit my house. Now, can you explain why gems are sticking out my electronics?” “Along with hydroelectric power, like from the dam here in Ponyville, we use enchanted gems that draw on the excess magic of Equestria for power. I can only assume that when the Elements brought your house here, they converted your electric using items to work on gems.” “Alright, good enough for me,” I inwardly want to scream my head off at the logic of all this, “Second, as I’m sure you are aware, I am an omnivore but can’t survive on fruits and veggies alone. Is there any chance that you can supply me with meat?” “Of course. I shall order some crates of meat from the griffon kingdom.” “Really? I thought that since you don’t eat it, ponies like you would be appalled at me eating meat.” “Over time, my subjects have come to accept the fact that there are species out there that eat meat as part of their diet.” That went better than I expected. “Lastly, I would like your opinion on something. Should I tell the girls what I just told you? I can tell Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash don’t fully trust me and this may be my way of gaining their trust.” “I don’t think that is a good idea right now. My subjects tend to… exaggerate certain affairs. Telling them that you know the future will surely cause chaos. In time, I’m sure they will come to trust you.” “Fair enough,” I say when a thought crosses my mind causing my eyes to grow wide. “I’m not going to be able to get back to my world, aren’t I?” Celestia sighs. “I’m afraid that, try as we might, we weren’t able to send the last human home.” A million thoughts run through my head. My entire life, my family, my entire world as I knew it, my entire chance at an IT career, was gone in the blink of an eye. I wipe my eyes a few times and hang my head, holding back the tears at the edge of my vision. I knew my life was unimportant to the rest of the world but it was still my life. I always figured that if I somehow got to Equestria, it would be more like a visit and not a permanent vacation. “I’m truly sorry, Blake. But fear not, for there may still be hope. Magic has improved drastically over the years and with the Element of Magic, we may be able to send you back.” I smile slightly and look at her. “You have nothing to be sorry for and you’re right, I must never give up hope. It’s what kept me going throughout my entire life,” I yawn after saying this. “I hate to be rude, but do you mind cutting this meeting short? It’s getting kind of late out and I’d like to rest.” “Of course.” Celestia says as the dome dissipates. “I can’t be sure, Twi. He ain’t telling us something but…” Apparently, the girls haven’t noticed the dome dissipate and are engaged in conversation. I clear my throat. The girls all turn to face me as Twilight and Applejack avoid direct eye contact. “Please do continue, Applejack. I would love to hear more.” “Uh… Blake? How much of that did you hear?” Twilight asks. “Not much but just enough to know you can’t trust me. And I’m not upset. I understand that meeting a new creature with the ability to hurt you raises some red flags. But I hope, in time, that you will come to trust me or I earn your trust in some way.” Twilight and Applejack relax, both of them wiping their brows. “So, Princess, what do you make of Blake here?” Twilight asks. “He is a strange creature, to say the least, but I sense that he is no threat to you. I feel that he will serve a greater purpose in the future,” Celestia says, turning her head to look out the window. “I’m afraid it's getting late out and I must leave to return to Canterlot.” “Of course, Princess,” Twilight replies. With a bright flash of light, Celestia disappears. I turn to face the girls who are all staring at me. I clap my hands together, causing Fluttershy to jump a little. “Alright, since my house won’t be here till tomorrow, looks like I’m staying with one of you.” “I have a spare room at the Boutique you could use,” Rarity says, eyeing me up and down. “Maybe while we’re there, I could get you out of those clothes and into something more fitting for somepony like you.” “Oh, Oh! Stay with me! I have a spare bed in my room! We could have a sleepover! And play pin the tail on the pony! Oh, I can also introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Cake! I can also get a head start on my party for you!” Pinkie shouts, bouncing in place the entire time. “I have a spare room at my cottage if you want to stay there. If it’s okay with you and everypony else,” Fluttershy says from her hiding place behind Rainbow Dash. “I have a spare bed upstairs that you could use,” Twilight says. “There’s ah spare cot out in the barn ya can use,” Applejack says. “I guess you could stay with me. But I got my eye on you bub,” Rainbow says, pointing her finger at me. “I thank you all for the offers but I have some things to point out.” I point to Rainbow. “Where do you live?” Rainbow points upwards. “In the most awesomest cloud home this side of Cloudsdale!” “And therein lays issue number one. I can’t walk on clouds like you can. Unless I want a one way ticket to the ground, I must respectfully decline.” I point to Pinkie. “Pinkie… While I’m sure it will be fun, I don’t think I’m ready to handle your level of zaniness just yet without becoming insane.” She’ll drive me to drink within minutes. I turn to Rarity. “While I’m sure you have a wonderful idea for an outfit, I’m really not in the mood for becoming an impromptu fashion model tonight.” I point to Fluttershy and Applejack. “Both of you live on the outskirts of town, correct?” They both silently nod. “I don’t feel like walking that distance tonight.” I walk up beside Twilight. “Looks like you’re stuck with me for tonight,” With this, Twilight’s eyes light up and she smiles. Her horn glows and out of the corner of my eye, I notice a quill and scroll levitate towards us. I sigh. “You want to study my sleep habits, right?” Twilight bobs her head so fast that it looks like she’s a bobblehead. I knew I should have picked Fluttershy to stay with. “Fine, but I better not wake up with any weird magic effects or wires and plugs attached to my body.” “You have my word.” “Sure… I’ll hold you to that. Anyway, I’ll see you girls tomorrow.” I say, walking towards the stairs. “Alright, I’ll be up in a little bit.” I’m only two steps away from the top when I say, “Good night, girls, and have pleasant dreams.” I don’t even bother waiting for a response. I’m dead tired at this point as I make my way over to the bed farthest from Spike. I flop onto the bed, not even bothering to crawl under the sheets. Sleep hits me instantly and as my eyes begin to close, I let out a sigh. “Sweet Jesus, what have I gotten myself into?” I mumble as I drift off to sleep.