Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man


I'm Never Hosting Weddings Again, Part 2

Twilight Sparkle, Cadance, Shining Armor, and those affiliated with the wedding,

I believe I afford you all an explanation as to the events that transpired during the wedding, specifically the whereabouts of my sister, Luna, and why I choked on taking down that bug queen.

To start, Luna wasn't in Canterlot for the entirety of the wedding. Last night, she and I discovered that Changelings from the Badlands had found their way onto the castle grounds. I didn't think that dragon smoke would come back to bite me in the arse, but that's what I get for smoking out a hive I didn't even know existed. Hindsight at its finest.

Anyway, in the interest of saving time in both protecting the town and tracking down the source of the infestation, she agreed to seek out their hidey hole while I held down the fort. She has yet to return, but I'm certain she's busy smacking those bugs around with her swatter as I speak.

As for me, I found a note one of the intruding Changelings had on their person, specifically addressed to me by their good queen. I... won't go into the details as to what was in it, but I mentioned a rather big threat has been made in it to Shining, and he set up the barrier that lasted 'till the day of the wedding.

Then, as you all know, a lot of things went down. I said some things I regret, Shining has said worse he regrets, and Cadance regrets turning Twilight Velvet's guest room upside-down looking for anything Chrysalis may have left behind after learning of her bedding with Shining for two nights... sort of. She's a tad possessive of you, Shining, and I'd keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn't do anything too... drastic.

But more importantly, all of you deserve to know what exactly went on in the throne room where I fell in front of everyone in the most depressing upset in power since the story of the Love Poisoned Lovers.

First off, my ponies, know that when I fell, I did so for two reasons and two reasons only. The first relates to underestimation of her accumulated power, and the second is fear of collateral damage upon overpowering her.

I had cast a simple immobilizing spell that would have incapacitated most unicorns at low to mid-levels of magic prowess--I did not expect Chrysalis to have absorbed that much energy and resist it so easily. Kudos to her for being efficient with her time, and for catching me off-guard as a result.

But why didn't I simply overpower her? Because I risked the chance of a magical explosion when two spells contest each other. That sort of explosion is one that can't be contained, and usually leaves a large crater with nothing in it being safe from harm, and usually seriously injures those inside the blast. Not only would this ruin my throne room, it would also gravely wound many standing within the immediate vicinity, including the Element Bearers. There was simply too much at stake to lose, and I don't gamble with other ponies' lives in a crossfire situation.

I had told Twilight to get the Elements afterward, and the rest of the story everyone knows to some degree. Chryssy got cocky instead of defensive--thank the gods for that feat of taking down an alicorn getting to her head--and Shining and Cadance saved the day by casting their rapidly expanding barrier spell.

That unfortunately had the downside of leaving a few changeling-sized holes in many of the houses and complexes they've intruded in, and even a hole or two in the castle garden floor. Shining, darling Cadance, you two might want to tone that down a bit next time IF a next time ever happens again. Now I have to deal with property damage claims, and gods, the nobles LOVE to nitpick on exactly "what" was damaged. Ancient antiquities? A lamp they bought one day ago? Grandmother's jar of ashes? You'd think the last one is reasonable... until the court's doors close and they think it's soundproof while cheering, "Woohoo! Free jar!"

There is no low.

Anyway, I deeply apologize to you all for not explaining the Changeling threat sooner, and I've learned a great lesson on how to deal with bugs: buy piles of citrus bug repellent, and never underestimate the potential of a love-leeching pest again.

Sleep well, my little ponies, and again, congratulations to the happy couple. May your days be filled with less domestic violence than today, and I hope you have a wonderful honeymoon.

Love,

Princess Celestia

P.S. If I hear any gossip about me being weak, I will HAPPILY correct anyone who believes in that notion.

Oh, Luna! You've retur--

Wait. Before I get excited, you remember that thing I told you about?

You know, the thing in your room I mentioned just before you left? What was it you were going to hang tonight?

No, 'Luna', it was a bug net. And it looks like I've caught one MORE!

Hah, good work, Brutus. She'll be changing back any second now.

...aaaany second now.

...oh ponyfeathers, she's gonna kill me when she wakes up.