//------------------------------//
// Bucking Apples 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
//------------------------------//

Twilight Sparkle,

I just received your first friendship report, and reading it, I'm a bit... confused.

Because I could have sworn I said something in the last letter. Something about it being okay to ask for help? I'm quite certain I put that in, so reading this report feels remarkably redundant.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that Applejack--she's the orange one, right? She learned that important lesson the hard way, I suspect. The Apples were always a bit stubborn, and Granny Smith was no exception.

She's still alive, right? That mare can drink like a champ. And it's been a while, but I think this advice is still sound: stay away from her on Sundays. I mean it. She might be sweet when baked, but she's got a mean bite otherwise.

On that note, could you also let her know I'm free Moonday? Just say, "Pollock's Pub." She'll know where and when.

Love,

Princess Celestia

...No, Luna, you can't come. You have evening court duties.

I will not get you a bottle of Whisker's Whiskey! Do you know how many apology letters I've had to write for your impromptu meteor shower the last time you had that?!

Fine, I'll buy a bottle, but only after your duties are finished. You get one sho--YES, ONE!