//------------------------------// // The Best Laid Plans of Dogs and Ponies... // Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess // by Tired Old Man //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle, Six months spent in Diamond Dog negotiations. Luna and I spent six months discussing appropriate compensation for their stores of polished onyx. Dry kibbles and bits weren't good enough, but we wouldn't dare succumb to their demands of flank steak slathered in gravy. Today, we were close to a compromise on soft, slightly microwaved mystery meat from a can. We normally serve that to rogue griffons in the dungeon, though we didn't tell them that. Their tongues were practically salivating, and we had them sold. Then one of their messenger dogs came in and told of a pony who squealed and whined some of their dogs into handing over their entire gem stores in one of their mines. Ruff, the pack leader, was not pleased. Barking obscenities and frothing at the mouth, he accused us of larceny, destruction of private property, and being royal arseholes as eloquently as you can imagine a raging bulldog might say. Obviously negotiations broke down, but we managed to escape thanks to a good stick throw. Let that be a lesson for you: when entering negotiations, have a back-up plan. Or three. Luna had a ball and I had a big stick, but thankfully we didn't need them. By the way, Luna is NOT happy she didn't get her onyx. She's venting in her room right now, chucking stones at statues in the garden. Earlier I warned her about one in particular, but she said she wouldn't aim for it. I'm happy she still knew after all this time. The last thing we need is another out-of-control problem. Then I settled down in my room to read your report. The lesson you learned from Rarity was good. Really... really good. Just... SO good. Now, I'm not naming names here, but her timing is oddly coincidental. Unless some other pony was captured by Diamond Dogs and pulled the exact same song and dance she did, the chances of this being the situation that messenger dog mentioned are remarkably high. Almost certain, in fact. I'm not mad. Assuming she got the gems she did, there's probably some polished onyx among those, so I'll send a... request that she also fashion Luna's regalia. I know the Gala's coming up soon, but she'll have time. She'll make the time. I'm sure of that, one way or another. Anyway, enjoy your evening, Twilight. I'll join my sister in casting stones tonight. Oh, but feel free to let Rarity know of my request if she's still awake at this hour. No, really. Please get that done for me. Love, Princess Celestia