Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by milesprower06


The Fault In Our Cutie Marks

Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

I'm sending a certain grey griffon down to Ponyville because she's very bothersome. I'd suggest using your rainbow pony power thingy on her cheerful little ass.

Your old friend,
Gilda


Dear Gabby,

We get that you think us as stars and all... but it's not our fault that you can't get a cutie mark. Why are you in such a rush to get one anyway?

You act like you are dying of cancer and getting a cutie mark is on your fucking bucket list!!!

-CMC


Dear Gilda,

Take your brethren back to your decrepit country.

-CMC


Dear CMC,

Just get that bird bitch to a tattoo parlor. You know... The place you dumb fillies should have gone to ages ago.

Your disgruntled princess,
Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Thanks a lot for getting by Celestia-damn hopes up! Fax Machine I did hours of work getting quills for nothing!!


Dear Gabby,

Thank you. You were sooo helpful today during that song montage. I haven't been that satisfied in such a long time.

In complete bliss,
Twilight Sparkle


Dear Mom and Dad,

Nightmare Night was months ago. Why would I want a pirate outfit? I wanna dress up as Guilmon!!!

Your confused daughter,
Petunia Paleo


Dear Nurse Redheart,

We need to get to the ER stat for broken ribs.... hugs are painful...

In pain,
The CMC


Dear CMC,

You may also want to consider hape counseling.

-Nurse Redheart


Dear Gabby,

So you can do nearly everything? You and I are a lot alike.

Sincerely,
Mary Sue


Dear God,

What the hell? So at the very beginning of time, you just decided to give Equines the ultimate cheat code to life by branding it on their flanks?

How is that fair to like, every other species?

Sincerely,
Gabby


Dear Gabby,

You think your dimension has it bad? Oh if you only saw others.

You wouldn't believe some of the advantages white people have.

Think of it like they're alicorns, but they're born that way. They don't have to earn their wings or horn or anything. It's all in the color of their coat skin.

Oh, right. That happened this year, didn't it? I guess Flurry Heart is gonna coast through life like a motherfucker. Equestria is gonna have a fun time coining the phrase "Alicorn Privilege."

-God