Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man


Spike, You are Not Ready to be a Princess. Not Yet.

Dearest Spike,

You just couldn't stay out of trouble today, could you? Not that it's entirely your fault--there is another pony to pin some blame on here. However, you had still undertaken some actions far beyond your scope and capability, so let's tackle this one at a time.

First off, I understood that Twilight did need some rest and relaxation, but what you did to ensure that peace and quiet was more than a little extreme. I know this because that mare can sleep through just about anything when she's that sleep-deprived. So long as you kept the windows closed and the door locked, hardly anything would wake her up short of a bucket of ice water.

That's a bit dangerous, come to think of it. Once, when she was still here, she'd stayed up late doing some rigorous studying, then fell into one of her deep sleeps. A kitchen fire broke out about three hours later, but despite all the clamor of the guards, she had only barely roused herself to the smell of smoke and my voice calling her name in a panic.

In other words, nothing short of a loud disaster scenario could bring her back from slumberland. I think after today's events--or rather, you should have known this from the many, many times she had exhibited such exhaustion before now--this is sufficiently hammered into your head that when she sleeps, it's almost the sort of sleep one needs true love's kiss to break. Almost.

As for your other actions regarding her schedule and settling debates in her name, no, you were not, in any way, prepared to handle that. There's a reason she is the Princess of Friendship, and she knows how to word things in such a way that normally won't anger many ponies all at once. This isn't to say she's always got good ideas, but that doesn't mean you should substitute your own. As well as you may mean, putting good words in another pony's mouth is still as bad as placing the blame on another should it fail.

Beyond this, your greed in taking over a few of her relaxation appointments is showing you're relapsing once more, and although I'm certain we've talked about this before, I'll say it again: exercise restraint. Exercise restraint. Exercise. Restraint.

This ordeal isn't your whole fault, however. I'd spoken with Cadance earlier on her incredible control over the Crystal Empire and how not once she had any real incidents to speak of since the Equestria games. I had thought her management skills were on par with Twilight then, but after she'd put the big sleep on the summit planner, I had hoped she would at least pick up on some of the slack for Twilight as she was resting.

Except she didn't. At all. I couldn't believe it when she told me she had nothing to do because Twilight had taken it upon herself to handle almost everything, and then she just put the over exhausted mare to sleep and expected everything to run okay without her for a while. At a unity summit where an argument sprouts every fifteen seconds, and somepony needs to talk to the Friendship Princess about it.

At least Luna and I were doing our part to try and stem the tide for some of the delegates, alongside watching over the feast preparations; I'll be damned if that's not up to proper standards. Even so, there's only so much we can juggle all at once, and I made quite sure after today that Cadance needs to contribute a little more than plugging up a water main and presenting a gem statue so fragile a sneeze breaks it down immediately. Was it so hard to find a glue bottle? Really?

Anyway, Spike, you learned about how easy it is for power to corrupt, and Cadance learned not to be sleeping on her job when she puts another to sleep. I'm still happy everything managed to work out in the end, but this should have gone so much smoother with FOUR princesses and an assistant here.

Oh well. There's always next year.

Love,

Princess Celestia

HEY! Other me! Yes you, the one on the chandelier!

Don't look at me with those innocent eyes. You've been swaying the sun back and forth on a pendulum for the past ten minutes, and it's bugging me! So cut it out!

Oh no, there go the tears. Look, I promised I'd keep you here if you didn't cause trouble, and to your credit, this is the worst thing you've done in the past week. Still, you need to scale it down a few pegs. You're a princess, not a party mare.