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// Dragon Mail Tech Support, This is Ember. How May I Help You? 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
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Dear Princess Ember,



I wish to extend a formal statement of gratitude towards your unwavering assistance toward ponykind. I’ve received plenty of reports from Princess Twilight regarding dragon culture thus far, and I commend you greatly for putting up with her torrent of questions, and further wish you the best of luck in maintaining your sanity for handling her correspondence in the coming years.

Yes, years. What happened over these past few months you ought to treat as a warm-up for the millennia worth of questions she’s prepared. She’s been spacing it out so as to not overwhelm you, but I warn you now that some days she may lack the self-restraint.



In addition, your assistance in aiding Spike’s discovery of his draconic heritage has been most beneficial for him, for the most part. Serving as his tutor, teaching him the explosively arcane language of dragons, and being a good friend has lifted his spirits in ways you cannot imagine.



With that in mind, although I appreciate all the help you’ve given both of them in their tasks, it is now my turn to ask you for assistance regarding a troubling matter.



Spike has a voicemail now that he never had before. More specifically, I’m getting some form of automated response in writing whenever I send him a message that goes as follows:



“Hello! You’ve reached Spike the Brave and Glorious, two-time savior of the Crystal Empire, personal aide to the Princess of Friendship, romantic pursuer of ivory equines, and reigning champion of Ponyville’s Fire-breathing Nine-alarm Chili Festival! I’m not available right now to process any letters, but I’ll deliver them as soon as possible!”



Now, I’m trying to keep my composure here and be as cordial as possible regarding my inquiry, but what in the name of me were you thinking teaching him how to put my letters on hold?!

When he became the personal aide to Twilight Sparkle, I spared no details in stating he would effectively be a draconic fax machine so long as he served under her. Granted, giving him the title of “Royal Liaison” made that sound so much bigger than it was at the time, but now that he’s fulfilling more duties that actually aspire to the title, it is more important than ever that I continue to keep my correspondence with Twilight unimpeded by nonsensical wait times.



Since you’ve been teaching him about his newfound talents, I take this question to you, Ember. Is it possible to get him to remove that ridiculous voicemail so that my messages don’t get held in limbo?



Any assistance you can offer in this matter is greatly appreciated.



Waiting on an actual dragon to reply,



Princess Celestia