Dear Granny Smith,
I can't believe you went on a road trip and river rafting without me! You-you said we would do that one day, and this is what happens?!
Sorry, sorry. I might have had a rough day. The nobles brought their A-game in stupid by suggesting a plan to counter unions by forming a union themselves. You know, because their rights as bosses are infringed upon by their pesky workers.
That motion was super denied. Like, really hard, especially when I pointed out that their job isn't to make their worker's lives' worse, but to encourage them to KEEP working. Pissing off the workers only ensures in less getting done, and they should know that. Should. Gods.
So I cracked open a bottle of Pink Moosecato and I... might've downed the whole thing. In on--*hic*--one swig. It's a good thing my quill spell's low maintenance and easy to keep going, because my real writing is awful. It's so bad researchers at Canterlot Academy thought it needed a cipher when I sent them a letter asking them for student records. Pricks.
Then I read your letter detailing your crazy adventures with Pinkie, and how she's a pear it-a parrot... she's a new family member. I'm sure Applejack is happy she's got a relative so close by that's also a devoted baker--turnovers will probably saturate the town in a month.
Your road trip with Pinkie had to be nothing short of chaotic though. I mean, wow, your cart breaking down, the Cave of fun seek-sunbeam anull--UNSPEAKABLE Horrors, and a waterfall rapid ride? She probably got plenty of kicks from that--your thoughtfulness in keeping her entertained along the way with eldritch horrors and nightmare scenarios is something I should have thought of ages ago.
Still, I would be veeery careful, Gran. You've seen just a fraction of what she can do, but I-I know what she's capable of. Now that she's part of the family, she'll probably paint your barn pink one night and say it's just a new coat, a personal touch. But really, it-it's her way, her WAY of marking her territory. And I hate it.
It won't go away. Can't scrape it, can't paint over it--I mean, you-you can, but it WON'T last long. The next day, it'll be pink again with a note: "You need more pink in here, so I added a bit more!" And then she painted the bathroom for good measure. I haven't painted my closet or the bathroom again since that note.
Also, some Pinkists might stop by from time to time now that you're a scone-a soak... related with their leader. You can shoo them off with a spray bottle of water, or tell Pinkie if she stops by. I'm certain she'll have a way or two to cease their actions if you kindly ask her about it.
Beyond these small issues, Pinkie should be a bun derp full-wander... good addition to your family. I wish you the best of luck in keeping your home red, white, and slightly pink as possible.
Friends Forever,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Extend my regards to Goldie and her hundred cats for me, and let her know that I'm sending over that stack of books she asked for, the ones about cat care and how to make your home not smell like a dingy kennel.