Dear Applesack,
What... what is this?
This letter you wrote is... nothing. Just... you learned nothing, told me you learned nothing, and borderline bragged about not learning anything when the whole point of these letters is to write that you learned something. Anything! Even a fake lesson would have been fine! Yes, that would be a white lie, but I would have preferred that over this... this thing!
Look, I know you have the most common sense out of everypony in town--yes, more than even Granny and the Mayor--but this letter slaps that notion in the face. That, and telling me about how good your common sense is means nothing when I've been exposed to so little in day court I wonder if it's even common sense to show up there at all, or put my crown on a pillow and throw it in my chair. At this point, I don't believe they can tell the difference.
Appleyak, there's something about honesty you should know by now, and that's when to realize when it's appropriate to be honest, and when it's better to say nothing. In the case of these letters, they're meant for when you learn something. That "something" should never be "nothing," because that defeats the purpose. I know you're normally blunt, but that doesn't mean you should make this pointless.
I warn you once, and once only: do not waste my time again, or I'll send you a copy of the transcript from one of my day courts. That will be a solid hundred-page brick of words that waste the ink that wrote them. I honestly feel terrible for Quick Quill; he hates recording that garbage more than I do reading the words, and I don't blame him.
Also, I formally request that you get off of Granny's case when she leaves the house for our drinking nights. She's a grown mare capable of making her own decisions, and I'm there with her just in case she makes terrible ones. Trust me when I say that I make sure she doesn't get any tattoos on her flank; she considered it once before I told her that the word "juicy" probably isn't the best thing for the grandchildren to see. And great grandchildren.
I apologize in advance for that mental image and any bodily reactions that follow.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
Luna, why are you holding a feather?
No, I don't have any tattoos. Did one of the maids tell you tha--don't bring that feather close to me!
Haa haa, you... you won't find anything! I--ehee--I mean it, Luna! Stop--AHAAHAA!