Additional content written by MixMassBasher.
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Tell me again how in Equestria you convinced me to try out my material at the Bale of Laughs.
Sincerely,
Maud
Dear Maud,
Yeah, sorry. That crowd was considerably more… sober… than I expected.
-Pinkie Pie
To the Bale of Laughs Management,
I suppose you could say that this comedy club has hit rock bottom.
Sincerely,
Lyra and Bon Bon
Dear Ponyville,
You do realize you came to a surprise party that we threw for a piece of cardboard, right?
Sincerely,
Spike
Dear Spike,
I’m pretty sure that as long as there’s free food and booze, they’d come for a party for anything or anyone, even Twilight.
More booze than food, in Twilight’s case.
Sincerely,
Starlight
Dear Pinkie Pie,
You found Mudbriar weird enough to not get along well with? Karma's a bitch, isn't it? We had the same problem with Maud, remember?
-Rainbow, Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Here's a quote:
Stick and Stones may break your bones, so stay the fuck away from them!
Maud and Mudbriar are both happy. Just leave them be. Maybe you should get a special somepony yourself.
Your guidance counselor,
Starlight Glimmer
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Look, sis, since it’s likely that somewhere in your schooling, your anatomy teacher failed you, let me tell you what Mudbriar has that you don’t.
A stick.
Sincerely,
Limestone Pie
P.S. Before you get any funny ideas of doing anything to Mudbriar, you sure you want to deal with Maud afterwards? You know that fire she gets in her eyes...
To Pinkamena Diane Pie,
Verily our daughter should know, ‘tis our job to show disapproval to our eldest daughter’s mate for she hath not yet used the Choosing Stone to see if she is to be betrothed to him.
Truly, thou shouldn't worry so much.
Sincerely,
Igneous Rock and Cloudy Quartz
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Why are you so concerned about your older sister finding a special somepony? With her attitude, I doubt she'll be any fun in bed. She might probably sleep like a rock with how small Mudbriar’s stick is.
Besides, shouldn't you be concerned about your younger twin sister, Marble? Last Hearth’s Warming Eve, she tried to score herself a Big Mac.
Yours truly,
Applejack
Dear AJ,
Why would I worry about Marble? I've got a twin sense that tells me if my little twin sister is in trouble. Also, your brother's already taken. And if I recall, he's currently eating away at some of the sugar off of Sugarbelle, if you know what I mean.
Your friend,
Pinkie Pie
P.S. I still don't get the difference between “goodbye” and “see you later.” They're the same thing.
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Goodbye is used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of a conversation.
See you later is said when parting from someone but you may come across the pony again.
Your walking dictionary,
Sweetie Belle
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Your sister doesn't really like your shitty rock candy so why are you so surprised that she dislikes surprise parties?
Signed,
Headmistress Twilight
P.S. Did you really have to make a mess of my school when searching for your dumb sister!?
The Young Six were gathered together next to their lockers at the hallway looking at a familiar book.
“Where did you get that?” Silverstream asked.
“The trash bin from the teachers’ lounge,” Gallus replied boastfully.
“So, this dumb thing was the reason our lessons before were so boring!?” Smolder hissed out.
“Pretty much,” Gallus said.
“Yona thinks rule twelve is okay. Food taste great!” Yona commented.
“I like rule fourteen.” Ocellus uttered quietly.
“Rule seventeen kinda sucks, though,” Gallus pointed out.
The rest of the Young Six all nodded in agreement.
“Come on, we’ll be late for class,” Sandbar interrupted as he opened his locker.
“Maud! Where are you!” Pinkie shouted, popping out of the locker, covered in dirt from digging underground.
"Miss Pinkie Pie?” Ocellus squeaked out in surprise.
“What are you doing here? What’s going on?" Sandbar asked.
“Urgh!” Pinkie exclaimed, ignoring his comment when she realized her sister wasn’t there.
Instantly, Pinkie Pie zoomed out of the locker to the school exit, leaving the entire area covered in dirt in her wake.
"Yona hate dirt," Yona said as she spat out a chunk of it.
Dear Fax Machine,
Since you are of no use to me as a Fax Machine to Princess Bitchlestia anymore. You have now been promoted to Vacuum Cleaner. Your first job: start eating away at all the dirt around the school compounds because Pinkie decided to rampage around in search for her lackluster sister. Start sucking, Vacuum Cleaner.
Your Headmistress,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
DA SKOOL RULES (E.E.A Approved)
The proper rules and requirements for any school to meet the standards of the E.E.A.
11) Unless it is a school for pegasi, do not have the school high up in the sky using magic enchantments as it risks damaging any public property below it.
12) Pink Slime is to be served to students during lunchtime.
13) Students are entitled to a hundred and four days of summer vacation.
14) Libraries are supposed to be QUIET!!
15) Gifted Students are to watch out for Sentinels that may cause them harm.
16) Teachers are not allowed to conduct sextra credit should students want to improve their grades.
17) No running, flying or levitating in the hallways.
18) Should any student consistently cause trouble, send them to the Detention Dimension.
19) History lessons are no longer conducted due to recent events that have changed everything we know about the history of Equestria.
20) Due to budget cuts, schools will combine the academic decathlon with the athletic decathlon to form the Athledecamathalon.
-Page 2-
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Why is it when you meet an angry old ass like me, you’ll throw me an annoying welcome party, but not a weird and boring guy like Mudbriar?
Sincerely,
Cranky Doodle
Dear Cranky,
Because you’re not trying to bone my sister.
-Pinkie