Letters from an Irritated Princess

by Tired Old Man


Don't Trash My Elite Suite, Part 1

My faithful student,

Thank you for letting me know that Rarity is stopping by Canterlot soon. I'm disappointed to hear her younger sister isn't coming--Luna moreso because she'd planned a fabulous outing for her--but perhaps that's best saved for another time.

I'll take some time out of my today to have a little chat with her about recent events. In case you're not aware, she stole from the Diamond Dogs again. I didn't know why she did it the first time, but now I do. She's been generously giving the gems to Sapphire Shores, and while I'm sure Miss Shores appreciates the sentiments, the Dogs certainly don't.

Sapphire Shores is a name I'm aware of. Who doesn't know of the singer with class and sass in the same way teenage mares don't know about Boston Beaver?

A lot of ponies, actually. Rural towns like Ponyville outnumber the bustling cities of Manehatten and Las Pegasus, so perhaps it's not too surprising that hardly anypony knows of those singers.

On a curious note, Mayor Mare tells me the town has songs sung in it so often it's a wonder some record label hasn't compiled an album of it yet. I'm not surprised at this; somepony usually sings a song once a month here in Canterlot, but instead of talking about moments of happiness at work or general entertainment, I hear about pinched pennies at a taffy store to save for priceless jewels galore. You know, snobby rich pony problems.

"Do I buy this necklace, or save up for a yacht? Oh, who cares! In a week, that choice matters not!"

...you can probably see why these songs aren't a hit here to ponies like Cuppa and Pony Joe. And myself. Seriously, songs about how great it is to be rich?

I mean, yes, I live in a spacious castle with more room than I could possibly occupy even if I ate all the cake in Equestria, but I'm not bragging about it! Do you know how much the maids get paid just to make sure this place isn't as dusty as Dusty's Archives? If I don't, the day I mandate filter masks to traverse my halls is the day I fail as a princess with basic standards of living.

Ahem. Let Rarity know that a tower suite will be prepped for her soon, and I'll look forward to seeing her when she arrives.

Love,

Princess Celestia

What? Luna, no, it's not MY tower we're cleaning. It's the guest tower.

No, I'm certain my tower does NOT need cleaning. Thanks for offering, but it's fine. Really.

Am I hiding anything? Hmph. Ridiculous. Root around if you wish, but you won't find anythi--

Okay, I really should have picked a better hiding spot for those. Now, if you'll just give those cupcakes to me, I'll give you one and we can forget this even--

LUNA, get back here this instant with my cheat day cupcakes!