“Permanent Vacation”
The Ticket Master or Celestia Be Trolling
I awoke with a slight groan and yawned as the last vestiges of sleep drifted away. I looked over to see if Twilight was still sleeping but found her bed empty. Spike, however, is still curled up in his bed.
“Rarity,” he mumbles.
Chuckling slightly at the young romantic, I look at the clock hanging on the wall and discover that it’s only eight in the morning. A loud snore from Spike snaps me back to attention. Wow, I must have been really tired to sleep through snoring like that. Speaking of which, how does Twilight sleep through it? And where is she for that matter?
A familiar smell hits me. I take a few deep breaths to make sure it’s what I believe it to be, the sweet smell of pancakes. I throw the sheets off me and start climbing out of the bed when a thought occurs to me. I didn’t cover myself up last night. I just flopped down on the bed. The only person who could have done it was Twilight. I smile slightly. It reminds me of all the times my mother did the same thing when I was younger. The last time I talked to her was years ago for Christmas. I sniffle slightly. What was the last thing I said to her? Would I ever see her again? I’m snapped out of my flashback by the succulent smell of pancakes wafting from downstairs. I crack my back as I head downstairs and look around for the kitchen. Off to the left of the main room, I spot a door and hear humming coming from the other side. I trudge over and push open the door.
Standing in front of a stove is Twilight, dressed in the exact same clothes from yesterday, humming to herself. “Morning,” I say.
Twilight turns her head to look at me. “Good morning, Blake! Did you sleep well?”
“Slept like a log. But I should be the one asking you that question. How do you deal with Spike’s snoring? I swear it sounded like a freight train going through a tunnel this morning.”
“I wear magically enchanted earplugs that block all noise unless somepony directly addresses me. Anyway, would you like some pancakes and eggs?”
“Wait, don’t ponies eat things like hay, flowers, fruits, veggies, and grass?”
“Well, yes, but sometimes ponies eat other things. Did you think everypony eats nothing else?”
I mentally sigh from the mindfuck right now. “Yes, I did believe that but you just proved me wrong.” I take a seat at the booth built into the wall off to the right. Twilight levitates over two plates of eggs and pancakes, along with forks and knives, as she takes a seat on the other side of the table. I prepare to shove my fork into the pancakes when I stop. “Are these hay pancakes?”
Twilight is in mid bite with her own eggs when she groans and facepalms. She finishes chewing and says, “What did we just talk about? Was it how ponies don’t always eat hay?”
“Right, sorry.” We finish eating in silence. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”
Twilight looks at a scroll. “Well, after Spike wakes up, we are going to help Applejack over at Sweet Apple Acres.”
“Mind if I tag along?”
“I don’t see why not. Oh, and your house is outback. It just appeared around six or so.”
Damn, that was fast. I wasn’t expecting it until later in the day. “Thanks for breakfast,” I stand up from the table and make my way to the door as Twilight takes our plates to the sink, “I’ll find my way to AJ’s place after I take care of a few things at my place.”
“You’re welcome. And I’ll see you there.”
I exit the library and walk around the left side of it. True to her word, Celestia brought my house here. I unlock the door and enter. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t lock the doors anymore. It’s not like there was ever any crime in the show. I go through my morning ritual of relief, shower, brushing teeth, etc… I change into a pair of blue jeans and a white tank top with a pair of brown hiking boots. After washing the dishes from last night and throwing my dirty laundry in the washer, I walk back outside. It seems a crowd has gathered around to see who the new home belongs to. Upon seeing me, all of them back up.
I shake my head at how people fear the unknown. “Does anyone know how to get to Sweet Apple Acres?” Most of them have their jaws hanging open while a few point behind them towards the town square. I thank them and head for the square, the ponies (Screw it. They look human but use words like everypony and eat pony food so I’m calling them ponies) scrambling to get out of my way.
The town square isn’t much help so I start walking down one of the many roads until I find a signpost telling me Sweet Apple Acres is straight ahead. Well, at least I picked the right road. Whistling a merry tune to myself, I follow the directions on the sign.
I arrive at Sweet Apple Acres and scan the rows of trees for Twilight, Spike, and Applejack. In between the twentieth and twenty-first rows, I see them bucking some trees. Well, with the exception of Spike, who was picking up any apples that miss the baskets, and Twilight, who is magically plucking them from the branches.
“Hey girls!” Spike crosses his arms. “And Spike!”
Applejack turns and waves. “Howdy, Blake! Twilight here was just telling me ya wanted ta help out today. Ya ready ta buck some apples?”
“Of course! I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to.” I head over to the nearest tree and climb up it. Balancing myself on a branch, I pick the apples and toss them into the buckets below.
“Uh, Blake? Ya do know ya could just buck the trees? Ya don’t need ta climb them.”
“In case you haven’t noticed,” I motion with my free hand towards my feet, “my feet aren’t designed for kicking trees with positive results. Now come on! You going to gawk at me all day or are you going to buck some apples?” They nod their heads and get back to work.
After what I’m guessing to be about two or three hours of work, we are carrying the last batch of apples from whatever number row we were on towards the barn. Spike, for some odd reason, begins tossing apples out of Twilight’s baskets, which he is riding in. I remember this as the opening scene for The Ticket Master.
“I want ta kindly thank y’all for the help. I bet Big Mac that I could get all these Golden Delicious apples into the barn by lunchtime. If I do, he’s gotta walk around town in one of Granny Smith’s girdles!” Applejack lets out a small chuckle. I groan. I do not need that mental image right now.
“It’s no trouble at all Applejack. I’m glad it’s almost lunchtime. All this hard work is making me hungry.” Twilight’s stomach growls in agreement.
Spike tosses one of the apples, which bounces off Twilight’s head. “I know, right?”
“Easy for you to say Mister I Have the Easiest Job and Now Get Free Ride on Floating Basket,” I say from a short distance behind the girls. These baskets are heavier than I expected and are really slowing me down. Applejack is carrying her baskets on her shoulders through the use of a pole through the handles. Twilight is taking the easy way out and carrying hers through magic. I’m carrying mine like Applejack, but anyone can tell that I’m struggling. I can’t understand how those girls are carrying all that weight like it was nothing. Then again, magic seems to have Twilight reliant on it. Might have to break her of that mentality sometime.
“I have to agree with Blake, Spike. You barely did anything all morning!”
“Exactly! You three took so long that I missed snack time!” Spike yells, Twilight’s stomach growling in response.
“Hey! I’m starving too but you don’t see me complaining… Yet!” I yell.
“Heh heh. I guess we better get some food.” Twilight says as Spike goes back to rooting in the basket.
They stop just long enough for me to catch up. I set the baskets on the ground and wipe my brow. I see the apple Spike is holding and just laugh. “You can’t put Windows on Apple!” Both girls turn to look at me.
“Come again?” Applejack scratches her head.
“Sorry, insider joke.” We hear a crunch and turn to look at Spike, who ate the apple in a single bite.
“Spike!” Twilight and I yell.
“What?” Spike shrugs his shoulders. He covers his mouth before he burps out green flames. The flames swirl together before a popping sound is heard and a scroll appears. It slowly falls to the ground.
“It’s a letter from Princess Celestia.” I could tell Twilight was trying to hide her excitement.
Spike clears his throat and I pretty much tune what he says from that point on. I do, however, take notice when Spike reads the last line. “—Cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle, Blake Quinter, and one guest.”
Twilight and Applejack gasp and point to each other. “The Grand Galloping Gala!”
“The what now?” I ask. Now that I think about it, they never really explained what the Gala was for.
“The Grand Galloping Gala is the biggest event in Equestrian history! It’s a social gathering to celebrate Equestria and all of its inhabitants and you and I get to go!” Twilight squeals with joy as her and Applejack jump up and down and shout. I look down at Spike to see him point at his mouth and make a retching sound. He burps again and three tickets materialize in the air. Spike grabs them and exclaims, “Look, three tickets!”
I mumble under my breath, “No shit, Sherlock. This isn’t Sesame Street.”
“I’ve never been to the Gala before. Have you, Spike?”
“No, and I intend to keep it that way. I don’t want anything to do with that girly, frilly froufrou stuff.”
“Keep saying things like that and ponies will believe you’re Rainbow Dash,” I say.
“Come on Spike. A dance might be nice.”
I tune out Applejack describing her dreams of the Gala. I already heard this plenty of times so why hear it again? A nagging feeling in the back of my head tells me to take three steps back, which I do.
“Oh! Well in that case, would you like to—”
“Look out below!” I turn away from the resulting thud and dust cloud. I look back toward the crash and see Rainbow Dash on top of two agitated ponies with the apples we just picked scattered around. If I hadn’t taken those steps back, I too would be under that pile. “Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?!”
Applejack forces herself up, flipping Rainbow off of her. “Rainbow Dash! What are ya doing here? You told me ya couldn’t help ‘cause ya had important work ta catch up on!”
Rainbow jumps up and scoffs. “I was catching up,” Rainbow points up. We all look up to see a pillow and blanket on a branch, “On napping.”
I scratch my head. “How is that comfortable?”
Rainbow just shrugs. “You get used to it. Anyway, I just happened to hear you have an extra ticket?”
“Yes, but—”
“Awesome! The Wonderbolts perform every year for ponies from around Equestria! I could see it now…” Again, I just tune out Rainbow’s dream. “Come on, Twilight! You have to give me that ticket! This could be my only chance to show them how awesome I am!” Rainbow is hovering in front of Twilight’s face when she is pulled to the ground.
“Hold on just one pony picking minute here!” Applejack lets go of Rainbow’s tail. Rainbow jumps up as Applejack shoves her face into Rainbow’s. “I asked for it first!”
Rainbow shoves her face into Applejack’s. “I don’t see your name on it!”
“Ya know… Technically Twilight and I were invited so I think we should decide who gets the ticket,” I suggest.
My suggestion goes unheard as they continue to argue. “That’s it! I challenge you to an arm wrestle. Winner gets the ticket!” Rainbow smirks and they each take a side of a stump. The contest starts and both of them sweat and grunt, trying to gain the upper hand.
“Girls!” Twilight yells, stepping between the two and forcibly shoving them apart, “Blake’s right. We were both invited and as such, we should both decide who gets the ticket. Don’t you think whoever has the best reason should get the ticket?” I stand beside Twilight and cross my arms, nodding my head in agreement.
Applejack smiles and jumps forward. “Creating business for the farm!”
Rainbow rushes in front of Applejack. “A chance to be a Wonderbolt!
Applejack jumps in front of Rainbow. They are slowly closing the distance between me and Twilight. “Money to fix Granny Smith’s hip!
“Living the dream!” Rainbow yells as she hovers in front of my face.
I push her away. “Ever hear of personal space? And a breath mint?”
Rainbow glares at me. “Hey! I told you my breath doesn’t smell that bad!”
I shrug my shoulders. “Whatever. Twilight, your verdict on who gets the tickets?”
Twilight’s stomach rumbles in hunger. “Those were pretty good reasons, weren’t they, Blake?” I nod my head. “I can’t think on an empty stomach so we’ll get back to you after lunch, okay?” I grab Spike and throw him onto my shoulder as we hightail it out of there.
We walk in silence until we near Sugercube Corner, when Spike breaks the ice. “So, have you two decided who you’re going to give the ticket to?”
“Spike, we haven’t talked the entire walk back. Unless Twilight and I were mentally sharing thoughts, then no, we haven’t decided.”
“Besides, Spike, I don’t think either of us could decide on empty stomachs. So where do you—” Twilight is interrupted when a pink blur tackled all of us to the ground. I sit up once the dust clears and crack my neck. On the ground in front of me is Pinkie. The tickets Spike was holding flutter down and land on Pinkie’s nose. She opens her eyes and screams, causing Twilight and Spike to jump up in alarm.
“Bats! Bats on my face! Help!” She runs in a circle a few times before stopping in front of the tickets. “Wait, are these…” Her eyes widen (I swear I see stars in them) and a huge smile plasters her face, “Tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala!”
“Oh, fuck no! I haven’t had coffee yet! I’m not ready for this kind of crazy! Quick, hide!” I scream, diving into the nearest pile of hay, which strangely has a red and white hooded cloak in it. I am still close enough to hear the entire exchange among Twilight and Pinkie, along with Rarity and Fluttershy when they arrive. I climb out of the hay, brushing myself off as I walk over to the girls.
“Wait just a minute!” We all look up to see Rainbow Dash standing on a beam with her chest puffed out. Must. Not. Stare.
“Rainbow Dash! Were you following us?” Twilight asks.
“It doesn’t matter. I couldn’t risk you giving that ticket to somepony else.”
“Wait just ah minute!” We all spin around to see AJ walking towards us.
“Applejack! Why are you here? No, wait, don’t answer that. I already know.” I say as Twilight groans and facehoofs.
“I was following Rainbow Dash ta make sure she didn’t do anything ta MY ticket!” At this, the girls formed their own little circle and argued amongst themselves.
I lean over and whisper in Twilights ear, “Back away slowly. Keep eye contact the entire time. Don’t even blink. Blink and we’re dead. If we do this right, we just might be able to eat within this lifetime.” She nods and we back away without getting caught as the girls continue to argue.
Once we make it a safe distance away, Twilight leads us to a quaint little café called the Hay Bale. We opted for a table outside and sit down at our seats. All of the patrons keep glancing in my direction every so often and fidget in their seats. Sooner or later, I would have to deal with them but for now, I just blow them off. I study the menu. Hay, sweet and sour hay, flowers, hay and flower sandwich. I groan and want to smack Twilight upside the head for bringing me here.
“What’s wrong, Blake?” Twilight asks, shifting her menu down slightly to look at me.
“You do realize that most of the food here I can’t eat, right?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Maybe we should—”
“Nevermind. I found something edible.”
The waiter comes over, glancing at me and shaking. “M-M-May I take your order?”
“I’ll have the hay fries.” Spike slams his menu shut and hands it to the waiter.
“I’ll have the salad, no hay.” I slid the menu across the table to the waiter. We all turn to Twilight. She stares at her menu for a full minute. I snap my fingers. “Come on, Twilight! Decide already!”
She slams the menu down. “I can’t decide!” she screams, causing all heads to turn.
“Easy there, Twilight. The waiter would like to know what you want.”
She grins sheepishly. “Oh. I’ll have the salad with extra hay please.”
Once the waiter leaves, Spike asks the question on our minds. “So, have you two decided who you’re going to give the extra Gala ticket to?”
“Excuse me, but did I just hear you have an extra Gala ticket?” A red pegasi with white hair asks us.
A tan earth pony with orange hair with a streak of grey walks over. “An extra Gala ticket?! I would do anything to get it! I’ll clean your house for a month!”
A crowd eventually grows around us, shouting out things they would do for the ticket. Turns out ponies get over their fears of me real quick when they want something. We are being boxed in as the crowd moves towards us. We needed to get out of here and fast. Yanking the tickets out of Spike’s hand and shoving them in my pocket, I jump up and grab his arm, throwing him around my back. I then grab Twilight’s hand, shoving her towards an opening. “Run for it!” I yell. We both sprint out of there as fast as we can. I look back to see the crowd still chasing us. We slide around corners and zip down streets as I throw items in the path of the crowd. It does little to slow them down, however. I can tell that Spike is clinging to my back because I can feel his claws dig into me with each stride.
“This way! This will lead us straight to the library!” Twilight yells, veering into an alley on the left. I run down it after her. We turn right and find our path blocked by a brick wall.
“Great plan, Twilight! Let’s run down the dead end alley from a crowd bent on tearing us apart for a stupid, fucking ticket! Got any more brilliant ideas?”
“I’m sorry! We must have taken a wrong turn!”
“You think?! I swear to God that if I die here, I’m haunting you for the rest of your life and afterlife!”
“Uh, guys? They’re getting closer!” Spike yells in my ear.
I grab Twilight and shake her. “You can do magic! Do something magic and get us out of here!” I stop shaking her.
“I can try to teleport us all but I haven’t perfected—”
“Does it look like we have a choice?!” My eyes are practically begging her to do the spell.
“Alright! Give me a second to focus!” Her horn glows as she closes her eyes. I hear a buzzing sound and see beads of sweat form on her forehead.
The crowd rounds the corner. “There they are!” I hear somebody shout from the crowd.
“Twilight…” Spike nervously asks. The crowd starts charging towards us and they’re closing the distance fast.
“Twilight! Do it now!” I yell as her eyes jump open and a purple sphere encircles us.
I blink my eyes. We are standing in the middle of the library. A wave of nausea hits me immediately. I look at Spike and Twilight to see if they’re alright. Spike is scorched in multiple places (How is that possible? He’s a dragon that is resistant to fire!) and Twilight is shaking her head and groaning. “Is this how it normally feels to teleport?”
Twilight blinks her eyes are few times. “No. I’ve never tried teleporting three beings at once.” Spike brushes himself off.
I let out a loud belch. The relief I feel is immediate. “We have bigger problems on our hands, namely a crowd bent on getting a ticket! Now, quick! Lock the doors and turn off the lights!” We scramble around locking all the doors, blowing out candles, and turning lights off. We slam the front door shut and slump down to the floor. “Since we never got to eat, how about we head to the kitchen and get a proper meal?” I look down at the floor and can barely see, thanks to the moonlight shining in from the windows, a cupcake sitting there. “When I said a proper meal, I didn’t mean a cupcake. But thanks anyway, Twi.” I grab the cupcake and take a massive bite out of it.
“Uh, Blake? I didn’t give you a cupcake.” My eyes go wide as I swallow. I let the cupcake fall out of my hand as the lights flick on. I see the rest of the girls sitting on the other side of the room smiling. If this was a horror movie, I’d be dead right now. Twilight screams at the sight of them
“I can’t decide! You all have very good reasons and I don’t want to disappoint you,” The girls expressions drop to frowns and they avoid eye contact, “because every one of you is my friend and each of you deserve to be happy and I can’t make you all happy!” Twilight falls to the floor and buries her head in her hands.
The girls all look at each other then hang their heads in shame. “We’re sorry, Twilight,” They apologize.
“I know how to solve this once and for all,” Every head turns. “Since you can’t decide, Twilight, just send the tickets back saying that if all your friends can’t go, then you don’t want to go.”
“What!?” The girls, except Twilight, yell.
“Do any of you have a better idea?” I ask, to which their answer is silence, “That’s what I thought.”
“That’s a great idea!” Twilight gets a scroll and quill and writes out the letter. “Do you still have the tickets, Blake?” I reach into my pocket and pull two of them out. She magically grips them and brings them over to her. “There’s only two here? Where’s the third?”
I pat my pocket. “I’m keeping that one.”
“But you’ll be all alone. Wouldn’t it be better with your friends?”
I blink a couple of times. “You all consider me a friend? I barely even know you girls.”
“Of course we consider you a friend! Right, girls?”
“Of course you’re my friend silly! I mean, I am throwing my ‘Welcome to Ponyville weird creature, I’m your first friend Pinkie Pie’ party! But now I’ll have to change it from weird creature to Blake because everypony needs to know your name cause if they don’t—”
Applejack places her hand over Pinkie’s mouth. “Any friend of Twilight’s is ah friend of mine.”
“You seem cool enough, I guess.”
“I consider you a friend. If it’s okay with you.”
“I am proud to consider you a friend, dear.”
“Awesome! Another dude to hang with!”
I smile slightly and feel wetness in the corner of my eye. No one has ever considered, let alone called me, a friend before in my life. It feels like a hole in my heart is being filled. That empty, hollow feeling I felt my entire life feels distant. Maybe being stuck here isn’t so bad. I turn my head and wipe my eye. “Thanks girls… and Spike,” I hand to ticket over to Twilight. “You’re right. Being with friends is better than being alone.”
Twilight smiles and places the tickets in the scroll before rolling it up and giving it to Spike. He sends it off and we sit around talking about our day. Spike grabs his stomach and belches out a scroll. I grab it before Twilight or Spike can.
“Let’s see here. My most faithful student, yada yada yada, should of said something in the beginning, yada yada yada, insist you come,” My eyes go wide and I grin. I flash the eight tickets, “Looks like we can party after all! And one for you too, Spike!” The girls shout in joy and stomp their hooves.
My stomach growls at the exact same time as Twilight’s. Rarity steps forward. “Let us treat you both to dinner. It’s the least we could do for the way we acted.”
I shake my head. “While I appreciate the offer, I must decline. As Twilight and I already found out, most of the food here I can’t eat so I’m probably better off getting something to eat at my place.” I pass the tickets out to all of them and walk out the door. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow!”
I get to my place and kick off my boots, immediately heading for the kitchen. I browse my freezer and pull out three turkey burgers. I fire up my little George Foreman grill and cook them to perfection. I grab a bottled water and sit down, scarfing down the burgers. After making sure the grill is off, I head for the shower. I let the water bathe over me until I feet clean again. After drying myself off and changing into a pair of sleep pants, I crawl under the covers. Getting into a nice, comfortable position, I let my mind wander as I drift off to sleep, awaiting what the next day has in store for me.