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// Allspice Doesn't Spice Up All the Things in Life 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
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Dear Residents of Restaurant Row,

Finally. It took all of you this long to actually make some decent grub in my city that didn’t taste like eating shoe leather covered in a dab of creme fraiche. At last I can stop attending coffee shops, doughnut parlors and Cinnamon Chai’s delectable bakery and actually get some variety that extends beyond typical breakfast and dessert fare.

Honestly, did it occur to any of you why I didn’t eat at these “highly-rated” restaurants serving only the “best” cuisine according to the words of a pony that’s no more qualified to critique a meal than a common tourist regardless of how important she feels her word is? Even I, as a princess, have no more sway in qualifying a meal than a pony that prefers her food to be as bland and tasteless as her sex life. Yet you treat her word and only her word as the be-all, end-all of fine dining in Canterlot.

Really, who relies on the word of a single pony for a restaurant recommendation these days? How is it that my city doesn’t understand the concept of second opinions and individuality after all this time? It took a fashion-forward mare to open the eyes of the Canterlot elite to a broader view of unique clothing options, yet nopony seemed to notice the unique corner bistros and bakeries all because of a single critic’s bizarre taste in food.

Yet… ironically said fashion mare almost ruined things by advocating some equal, bland conformity for food and also putting too much faith in a friend’s word when they were a disrespectful friend. At least, this is according to Zesty’s review of a place called Tasty Treats, who now considers her friendship with Rarity to be as palatable as a bucket of color dye. I don’t know about you, but that response seems far too salty for her palate.

But what do I know? I’m just a pony critic.

But back to you lot on Restaurant Row. Surely now you understand the necessities of gauging the true value of criticism that is not just from a single mind with singular tastes. This is not to say that her words aren’t completely useless--subtlety is a good factor when used properly in your cuisine, and can make a meal more exquisite if pulled off correctly. However, subtlety is truly admired when used in conjunction with other actual flavors. 

Subtle taste, on its own, contributes nothing substantial. That’s the point of subtlety, and it receives true appreciation when the food already tastes great without it, but fantastic with it. It does not grant considerable improvement on bland taste from the outset because… Well, that should be obvious. I hope that’s not being too subtle.

So don’t incorporate subtleties in your food… or do. It doesn’t make a huge impact either way. But do keep your food individualized and unique, and maybe show what makes your restaurant yours, and not a critic’s. Do this and maybe I might actually take a walk down Restaurant Row and eat a flavorful meal with more of an impact than a leftover crumb of a garlic crouton sitting on my lips after eating salad.

Yes, I really do eat salad. Please keep that in mind and don’t assume I’ll default to your dessert menu like every other restaurant I’ve visited. I appreciate variety.

Thanks in advance,

Princess Celestia

Sunny! Moony?! Goodness, calm down! 

I can’t quite make out what you’re saying with all this blubbering… ah, I’ll just use this. Now, why are you two crying?

"Gourd R-R-Raspberry. We… We wanted some critique on a few moon goods, and found out he’s a really good critic.”

I see. And what was his judgment?

“He-he-he said our moon scones tasted like a--hic--bucking scorched meteorite!"

“And o-our sweet biscuits wouldn’t even be worthy to feed his dog!”

“He even called us donkeys! DONKEYS! We’re not donkeys, we’re ponies!”

That’s… uh, not what he meant by that, Sunny. But did he tell you what was wrong with the food?

“Y...Yes.”

Then I’d like to try your treats as well. I’ll give you my feedback, then you try making it again.

“Bu-But what if we mess it up again?! I don’t want to get yelled at!”

Don't worry about it. I’ll have a chat with Gourd before your second batch is done. And if you do mess up, just try it again until you get it right! Now, let me try those scones and biscuits first!