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// Your Letter is Very Important to Us. Please, Stay On the Written Line. 
// Story: Letters from an Irritated Princess 
// by Tired Old Man 
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Dear Princess Ember,



I don’t know whether to be shocked at you or disappointed in myself for not expecting an immediate response regarding my inquiry. I certainly did NOT expect having to navigate a paper tree to speak to anyone, let alone a dragon that’s not you.



Speaking with your father, however? As a mail handler? I couldn’t make a prediction like that if I had an endless scroll and a bottomless inkwell to write completely random predictions for the rest of eternity. And I’ve tried that once before. So far, “massive orgy by every powerful being in Equestria giving birth to the best worst thing in existence” hasn't happened. Yet.



Now, I’m guessing against all odds that your father actually dresses the part. I was wondering why Rarity sewed up a pair of Equestria's largest bedsheets and why that monstrous blanket had giant blue cloth tunnels sewn onto it, but I see now that those were actually massive sleeves for a uniform.



Perhaps you should give me some forewarning before giving Rarity such — literal — massive orders. I don't think the poor mare got a wink of sleep over the days she spent galloping back and forth stitching that giant uniform together. At least I can cancel the intervention I was going to have, because I had assumed that Rarity's giant hat obsession had gone far enough to merit its own outlandish fashion line.



Ember, I have no doubt you care greatly for your father’s well-being. And I’m sure his sudden announcement to quit retirement because he found it, and I quote, “boring, uneventful, and less fun than tossing around sheep for sport,” must have taken you by surprise. While I understand giving him work has certainly filled him with purpose again, I could never envision him wearing a pair of telescope lenses so he can read my writing. Nor would I think reading being a task that excites him so.



He’s quite pleased with what you’ve given him, however. By all means, don’t take that away. I’d rather keep contact with him like this than turning my voice hoarse shouting across an ocean in his general direction. Plus, his penmanship is the most adorable thing I’ve read in years. Ironically it’s so tiny I’d swear he wrote edicts for bedbugs. Or maybe his glasses are too strong. You should probably look into that when you have the time.



Anyway, we had a good chat while I waited to send this letter to you, but given you’re dealing with roughly two reams of inquiries from Twilight (seriously, if she needs to slow down, I’ll make a personal visit and crack the whip if necessary. Once she gets started on something ludicrous it can take up to a whole day for her to wind down), I understand why the wait time was so egregiously long. Good thing your father’s quite the talker—two hours passed by in the blink of an eye!



But now that I have your attention for the time being, I repeat my request to get some form of override for Spike’s voicemail in case I have urgent notices or requests for Twilight to read when immediate attention is required. I don’t appreciate one of my messages being held up in a queue, and again any assistance you can provide will help prioritize my mail accordingly.



Also, if your father’s away from your ‘office’ this weekend, don’t fret. We’ll be playing tennis with explosive boulders. It’s no big deal.



Best regards,



Princess Celestia

P.S. How do you feel about large-scale landscaping of dragon country?